Brightmoon Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 I feel so sad at the moment. Grieving for a man I loved. I chatted to a married man for months...on MSN. Just chatting... nothing sexual. We never met, but were planning to... Dec 17th.. We were friends and fond of each other's 'company'... I guess it seems odd to think anyone can feel so close and not have met. His wife must have found out something about his internet activities:o... (nothing related to me). He mailed and told me that he was desperately trying to save his marriage. Said we to stop corresponding, asked me not to mail him. Said he grew fond of me and he knew I was fond of him. Said that if circumstances were different, he would not have stopped. We had chatted almost nightly. Just chatting about his work, and mine... just our day really.. He was funny, gentle and an utter gent. He took care to let me know what happened even as his world must have been falling apart. He was an utter gent to me. Respected me. My point is that I thought that he would be easier to let go than someone who was a bit of a shytte. I have no bitterness, no anger... no unfulfilled promises...just pure grief for a man I grew to love. It is not easier. Very painful. So painful, I had to let it out, as silly as this relationship may sound..
D-Lish Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 You know what? He's not an "utter gent", he's not a decent man. He was talking to you behind his wife's back...he was planning on meeting you. He was planning to cheat with you until he got caught. I do know how you can feel close to someone you have met without meeting physically- but you can never truly know someone until you have spent time with them in person for an extended amount of time.
Author Brightmoon Posted December 3, 2009 Author Posted December 3, 2009 You are right. He was not decent to his wife. But I know he loved her. I know it seems odd.. impossible, but I grew to love him through out chats. Miss him dreadfully. I hope to God he has worked it out.
mendsley Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 I am sorry for the pain you are feeling, but this might hit some people on here wrong. My wife had an emotional affair online behind my back and actually left me after 10 years of marriage to be with a guy she had only talked to online. Same thing, they planned to met after she left me and he got cold feet and backed out, I guess he had another woman. They never physically met, but they did fall in love with each other. Im not saying that that was the only reason she left me but it sure made it easier for her to leave me and they sure had a good time with themselves. My point here is what happened was a mistake, it should of never happened. Meeting people online without being able to build a relationship in person has some flaws. For one it is a gamble, who the hell is really on the other end, you never know. Obviously this guy was playing games with you and when you two were gonna meet might of scared him. He got cold feet and decided to stay with the life he had. Which is a shame for you cause it sounds like you obviously had feelings for him. In my personal opinion this is a blessing in disguise. Do you really want to tell people you met a guy that was married and he left his wife for you? Please don't take this as I am acting crappy, I am just being real. Let that go, get out and forget about that joker. You are better than that
Author Brightmoon Posted December 3, 2009 Author Posted December 3, 2009 (edited) I am sorry for the pain you are feeling, but this might hit some people on here wrong. My wife had an emotional affair online behind my back and actually left me after 10 years of marriage to be with a guy she had only talked to online. Same thing, they planned to met after she left me and he got cold feet and backed out, I guess he had another woman. They never physically met, but they did fall in love with each other. Im not saying that that was the only reason she left me but it sure made it easier for her to leave me and they sure had a good time with themselves. My point here is what happened was a mistake, it should of never happened. Meeting people online without being able to build a relationship in person has some flaws. For one it is a gamble, who the hell is really on the other end, you never know. Obviously this guy was playing games with you and when you two were gonna meet might of scared him. He got cold feet and decided to stay with the life he had. Which is a shame for you cause it sounds like you obviously had feelings for him. In my personal opinion this is a blessing in disguise. Do you really want to tell people you met a guy that was married and he left his wife for you? Please don't take this as I am acting crappy, I am just being real. Let that go, get out and forget about that joker. You are better than that Thank you Mendsley, for you kind and thoughtful post. I am sorry your marriage ended the way it did. Did she come back to you Mendsly?? I hope you are ok. Yes, it was wrong for us to chat regularly without his wife knowing. There was nothing right about it. Our conversations were rarely confiding ...We just chatted about our day..nothing more. We met in a chat room. He was looking for a married woman yo have a dalliance with I guess, and I was looking for a single guy to have a relationship with. We bumped into each other every now and then and had a laugh. We should have kept it like that, but we moved to chat on MSN and chatted regularly. He never made a move on me because I was single and he felt I would get hurt. I grew to love him, but we agreed that it could never lead to anything. He loved his wife, I always felt that. We planned to meet because he was about to do a show where I work (he is a magician). We agreed to meet ahead of the show (which looks not to have come off). It is entirely possible that what he described as "desperately trying to save his marriage" was a lie to get shot of me. But I think its unlikely he would bring his family into play as an excuse. I feel sure he would have done it a better way if he wanted to end it. I took what he said at face value. I may never know the truth. And it does not even matter. If he lied he acted in part to save me even more pain further down the line. He was always honest and respectful to me. Never promised a thing. He wanted to meet from the word go...but never pressurised me. Anyway, I was surprised how much it hurt yet there no anger, he never promised anything. He was a friend, that was all. I have learned my lesson indeed. I have deep set inadequacies in my life that made me latch on to him and find an escape in our chats. I know I need to address the issues now. So it was a good thing that it finished. You are right. Thanks again for your kind thoughts mendsley. Edited December 3, 2009 by Brightmoon
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