hopeless4u Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 I know I need to move on, he will never leave his W and I will never be happy being the OW, so will either of us us ever be happy??
LucreziaBorgia Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 No, neither of you will be happy under those circumstances. Sometimes you have to walk away, even when you love someone - mainly because the person you are walking away from will never be the person you need them to be for you.
fooled once Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 I know I need to move on, he will never leave his W and I will never be happy being the OW, so will either of us us ever be happy?? he will be fine. If he REALLY loved you, he would divorce his wife and come to you a man free of commitments. I truly believe that. He may care for you and love you, but NOT in a way every woman should be loved. I don't believe he is unhappy in his marriage ~ or at least unhappy enough to leave. Men DO leave unhappy marriages. He is either lying to you, a wussy or just pathetic. Either way, don't waste time trying to figure HIM out. FOCUS ON YOU!!!!
fooled once Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 I forgot to say that YES, you will be happy. You will be happy when you are no longer the OW and you can focus on finding someone committed to ONLY you. THEN you will find out what true happiness is
justageek Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 hey.. i think you probably know in your heart that he will never be what you want and thats all yours.. like me, your mm is a fraud. we fall in love with guys that simply do not exist. they are gutless cowards. fact is, if they love us then nothing would stop them from leaving.. you would move the world for the one you love. just cut him off now.. it hurts like mad. ive been through hell and back with the pain. ask yourself do you really want to keep feeling like this for weeks/ months? its best to just cut it off now, rather than keep suffering. your mind working overtime.. maybe one day if he did wake up and leave, you could try with him then.. but do you really want a guy that has allowed you to suffer so much.?? go out there and get busy living.. im passing my pain now and im moving on.. and now them rose glasses are off, i realise this gutless fool doesnt deserve my love. i forgive him and have many happy memories that i will take with me. and i can smile because it did happen.. i wish you every bit of happiness you deserve.. dont wait in the darkness anymore. it does get better x x x
FilthMerchant Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 (edited) Married men don't look outside their marriage for love. They look for sex and either get sex from willing women or fool naive women into giving it to them under the guise of love. Edited December 3, 2009 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
MizFit Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 Truly spoken by someone who hasn't experienced it. Many WS are looking for sex or what may be lacking, but with sex you get intimacy. With intimacy you get love. The love may not trump what's at home with a wife they still love and kids and security, but you are truly a very naive person to think there is no love. Ask Devil Inside...sometimes, not always, the connections are incredibly strong. Right or wrong that's the way it is and no matter what the WS say to their BS it doesn't just disappear as if it didn't happen. They can mourn the OW/OM as much as they are mourned. If you think every affair is about sex you really aren't seeing it clearly.
jennie-jennie Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 (edited) Married men don't look outside their marriage for love. They look for sex and either get sex from willing women or fool naive women into giving it to them under the guise of love. That said, I'm sure he loves ****ing you... While this is true for some types of affairs, it is not true for all types. It is true for the conflict avoidance affair, for the intimacy avoidance affair and for the sexual addiction affair. It might be true for the exit affair, but it is not true for the split self affair. In fact, the split self affairs are serious, passionate, long term relationships. The reason these men go outside their marriage for an affair is to express their suppressed emotional self. Edited December 3, 2009 by jennie-jennie
OWoman Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 Married men don't look outside their marriage for love. They do when they don't get it from within their M. Most MMs feel a need for love - and if they don't get it from their Ws or kids, that need doesn't go away. If they were happy to live without love, they'd settle for being single and not go through all the expense, discomfort and slog of M.
OWoman Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 Is moving on from xMM ok when he still loves you? OK for whom? OK for him - well, that's rightfully HIS problem, and not yours to worry over. He knows what to do if it's enough of a problem for him. OK for you - it's not only OK, it's necessary, if you're not happy with perpetuating the current situation forever. If you're happy being the OW, fair enough - but if you want more, and he's not going to provide it, then moving on is necessary for you even if initially it feels like a very hard thing to do. OK for karma / the Universe / world peace - yes. By staying, you're creating more suffering than you are happiness and peace. It skews the balance toward the negative. He may be gaining, but your loss is greater than his gain. You are doing no favours with your pain.
torranceshipman Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 Yes you will be happy, as soon as you've left him, moved on with your life, met a lovely single guy and realize what it feels like to be treated properly. And yes he'll be happy too - he already is....in his ideal little world he wants his W and family AND you, so if you leave him he gets to keep 2 of the 3, which in his little world isn't as good but still enough to make him content.
Samantha0905 Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 Truly spoken by someone who hasn't experienced it. Many WS are looking for sex or what may be lacking, but with sex you get intimacy. With intimacy you get love. The love may not trump what's at home with a wife they still love and kids and security, but you are truly a very naive person to think there is no love. Ask Devil Inside...sometimes, not always, the connections are incredibly strong. Right or wrong that's the way it is and no matter what the WS say to their BS it doesn't just disappear as if it didn't happen. They can mourn the OW/OM as much as they are mourned. If you think every affair is about sex you really aren't seeing it clearly. I agree. I can only speak for myself and I am a female WS, but once I started connecting with my AP in a sexual manner on a regular basis the intimacy and love followed.
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