Stockalone Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 And yet, still, they're too good for me. That's what really hurts. They don't want a relationship with you, yes. Being disappointed about that is understandable (although in this particular case not really warranted). You are maybe not good enough in their eyes, but why would you agree with that assessment? In what ways are they good enough for you? They look good enough in your opinion, but what else? They have no manners and they show you little to no respect. What makes you think they are better than you?
XxBacktoBlackXx Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 You talk about bassf**ker as if everyone who saw you two together couldn't understand why he was with you due to his dashing looks. I know you found him incredibly attractive but from the way you've described him, I doubt as if other people were quite so taken with his looks. It doesn't matter what another person looks like, however I want you to see that these people are NOT out of your league they are just NOT right for you. I remember you wrote once that bassf**ker was losing his hair, was thin as a rail, did not shower, and did not keep up his appearance due to his obsession with the bass. I am guessing that when you were in public, people were probably looking at the two of you and thinking how lucky he was to be with you. I do not care about looks between two people, but I think your viewpoint on how others see you is skewed. Drumfu**ker was tactless. Even though you asked him the question, the way he answered it was beyond awful. I am glad you have seen these negative traits in him only because it allows you to not get in any deeper with him. If you hadn't sent that brave text of yours, he would probably still get together with you and want to hang out and it would be confusing as all get out. I think the reason why you think these losers are so much better than you is because they act like they're too cool for school. They sound like a bunch of hipster jerk-offs to be honest with you. I know you think he had nice fashion sense but he probably jerks off on his drums in his spare time and f**ks with peoples emotions. I have seen these hipster type people and some act as if they are better than others due to musical skill or musical knowledge. I have liked guys like that before but it only ended up blowing up in my face, and not in the good way. Forget about this ******* and live your life.
LucreziaBorgia Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 And yet, still, they're too good for me. That's what really hurts. It isn't that they are too good for you. It is that they aren't good enough. Think about it. Would a guy who is too good for you make you want to give up something you love? You are taking the blame here where blame shouldn't be assigned. You aren't ugly or fat - the guy just didn't click with you. He tried, he failed. That isn't a failure on your part, not at all. Right now it isn't possible to shift your perspective to see it that way, the pain is still too raw. I was there not too long ago. It will take time to be able to shift, but you'll get there. Just keep posting. Eventually you'll be able to go back, read your posts and see very clearly that you weren't the problem.
thegreatmoose Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 But that's silly. If I was out of their league, they'd be attracted to me. Both DB and bassf*cker are REALLY good-looking, smart, and talented (although DB can't spell but calls himself a good speller.) I am none of those things, or at least certainly not to the same degree as they. I don't know why I keep thinking I can run with such sexy guys, but I've definitely learned my lesson now. Since bassf*cker left me, I've curtailed my leaving the house by around 80%. It would seem it's time to cut back even more. I no longer feel comfortable bellydancing, because I know DB will be around. It sucks to think I may have to give that up too, but the less I go out, the less I bother people and the less they have to look at my body. I kind of feel like it's the courteous thing for me to do. Someone can be good looking, smart and talented, but they are rotten if they have a rotten personality. I agree with the other posters that you are out of their league. You deserve a good man with a good personality. You just went through something very painful so you might need a few days. After that, try to get out more and definitely keep bellydancing. Do more and more things that you enjoy and try new things too. If a couple jerks don't like how you look, tough for them. You can't let jerks dictate your life. There are a lot of good people out there and you need to get out so they can find you. You mentioned in a previous post that you see a therapist and I definitely think that could be a big help especially if you are still feeling really down in a few days. You don't have to go through this alone.
tkgirl Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 hey sedgewick! just wanted to check in and see how you're doing today...
Author sedgwick Posted December 8, 2009 Author Posted December 8, 2009 I'm okay. Just had a long conversation with a friend about what we feel our issues are and what steps we can take toward changing them. I feel hopeful. I'm embarrassed that I wasn't able to just say, "Oh well, your loss," but whatever. I'm not torturing myself over it. I do want to change my body, but I recognize the need to do it for me and not to get a boyfriend. It just sucks feeling like I'm never going to find a guy who really likes me. At 38, I feel pressured and like time is running out. Not because I want children or anything like that, just because there are so few decent single men left out there.
tkgirl Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 (edited) I'm okay. Just had a long conversation with a friend about what we feel our issues are and what steps we can take toward changing them. I feel hopeful. I'm embarrassed that I wasn't able to just say, "Oh well, your loss," but whatever. I'm not torturing myself over it. I do want to change my body, but I recognize the need to do it for me and not to get a boyfriend. It just sucks feeling like I'm never going to find a guy who really likes me. At 38, I feel pressured and like time is running out. Not because I want children or anything like that, just because there are so few decent single men left out there. yeah, I know what you mean.. I'm 44! I just try not to stress too much about finding decent guys.. I keep telling myself they are out there but in the mean time life goes on and I want to be happy so... but then there are some days when I'm just like "what the f***?" anyways, I really relate to your stories... and it sounds like we have the same taste in guys for sure! I still can't believe drumf*cker said the "c" word to you... chemistry! lol! Just be glad he didn't say it to you after dating you for a couple months (the 2nd time around) and after you had sex a couple times too.. like guitarf*cker did with me (sorry, borrowed the name a little!) anyho... that was a huge mind f*ck.. especially when he came back around after he said this... a third... and a fourth time! and told me how he missed me etc... like seriously! Stupid chemistry... it must be some music guy thing... like they can blame it on the "chemistry" like it's not in their control or something.... anyho... I'm rambling. I'm glad to hear you are doing ok though... you seem too cool and smart to let this dumb guy get you down for too long... and yes, it IS his loss for sure.. maybe someday he'll realize it too... but who cares.. you got to believe it because it's true! Edited December 8, 2009 by tkgirl
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