So how do you like chicks to dress on dates? :)

[dudet]

who cares how they dress on dates. is it that much of an issue? as long as they dress stylish, and appropriate for where you going, i don't care. also, classy is good, not like a tramp:laugh:

[boogieboy]

After all that, and us telling her that he didnt really like her in the last two threads, she shops for new clothes, its funny that he wouldnt have cared in the least what she wore. She could have gone to the concert in a gunny sack. As SOON as he asked her to the concert she completely forgot all about how much of a flake he was to her last time. And he asked her out in an email. That was clue one.

[sedgwick]

I missed a call from him about an hour ago. He said, "I'm calling in response to your text. I want to talk to you instead of typing. I'm leaving for an overnight gig, call me back tomorrow afternoon." This of course sounds to me like the polite kiss-off. I'm really embarrassed! Dammit!!!

[shadowplay]

I missed a call from him about an hour ago. He said, "I'm calling in response to your text. I want to talk to you instead of typing. I'm leaving for an overnight gig, call me back tomorrow afternoon." This of course sounds to me like the polite kiss-off. I'm really embarrassed! Dammit!!!

 

call me back??

 

He can't even bothered to call himself. Lame.

[tkgirl]

I missed a call from him about an hour ago. He said, "I'm calling in response to your text. I want to talk to you instead of typing. I'm leaving for an overnight gig, call me back tomorrow afternoon." This of course sounds to me like the polite kiss-off. I'm really embarrassed! Dammit!!!

 

wow... so he waits until now to respond to your text... and how convenient that he's going to be "at an overnight (huh?) gig" so he asked you to call him back tomorrow... typical! he's avoiding the whole thing... If I were you, I wouldn't call him tomorrow.. or if you want to, send him a text and say "got your message, yeah and my question to you? never mind.. I think I already got my answer" I mean really... if you have to ask him if it was a date then that pretty much tells you everything.. and he didn't even check to make sure you got home ok... he's a loser... I'm sorry cuz I know you like him but you'll get over him.. he's not worth the effort, believe me.

Edited December 6, 2009 by tkgirl

[Ruby Slippers]

I'd just ignore him at this point. He gets douchier with every passing interaction.

[Samari]

We've hung out twice one-on-one, plus his party. Every time we're around each other I get distinct flirty signals. Every time we're together we're laughing and talking constantly, and there's never a lull in the conversation. And my understanding is that generally guys don't sit veryvery close to and frequently touch girls who are just buddies, but I suppose I could be wrong.

 

When we parted, it was about 12:30. We met up at 7:30. He had an early gig today, so I can understand him wanting to go home, since it takes about 45 min to get there from where we were. For him to have come to my neighborhood, it would have meant he had to go all the way across town, then go back across town again to get the train.

 

I'm not going to call him, I already sent him a text. It's his turn to get in touch. And as for the "was it a complete 180?" thing, not really. When we first met up he hugged me (twice), and he hugged me when we parted. And I can understand him not wanting our first kiss to be in front of his friend, of course. But an "I'll call you" would have been nice, or a kiss on the cheek. And it would have been nice to get a text making sure I got home okay, or at least an answer to the one I sent.

 

When we talked last week, and I said I thought maybe he was upset with me because he hadn't called after the party, his response was, "If you ever feel that way in the future, just talk to me about it." So I felt comfortable sending him the text asking if it was a date. But my feeling is that he should have remembered telling me to be open with him, and responded. It's been 10 hours since I sent that text and I've heard nothing. To me, that's really rude.

 

I spoke to one of my best friends about it this morning, and she said, "I think he was just being a dumb tactless boy who had five really fun hours with you and then botched the goodnight. Think about the five hours, not the last three minutes."

 

As for the possibility of there being someone else, I do know he went through a bad breakup back in the summer. So it's entirely possible he's not over his ex. However, when *I* was four months out of the bassf*cker experience, a guy I've known for a while started hitting on me, and I promptly told him I wasn't ready to date. DB has had ample opportunity to tell me that and hasn't. So, to any guys reading this, I need to know: would you hang out with a girl several times, and touch her a lot, and take her out for a show and drinks, and introduce her to your friends, if she was just a buddy? Have you ever done this?

 

Well it sounds like you know what you are already going to do with what's happened. That's good at least. You're right, you did send him a text message and if he has any interest in continuing your partnership, he would probably reply. If he doesn't, then you probably know the answer.

 

And I wouldn't hang out with a girl more than once if I didn't have any interest in further pursing her and building up a friendship that could possibly go further. You know, this person could be one of those rare types that was in fact just bored and doesn't mind leading people on...just as long as they are personally entertained.

 

All in all I think you should forget about him...doesn't seem like he's worth your time from what you've told me. I probably wouldn't put up with that behavior if I was in your place and it was a girl. Even if she was smoking hot. It would be hard, but no amount of ass is worth one's dignity. There are plenty of fish in the sea.

Edited December 6, 2009 by Samari

[SadandConfusedWA]

I don't mean to be a downer, but for some reason this guy is keeping you on a back-burner (at best) or isn't interested at all (at worst).

 

You might as well listen to what he has to say when he calls, which will probably be some lamo excuse on why he can't be in a realtionship right now but enjoys your company and wants to stay friends

[boogieboy]

You might as well listen to what he has to say when he calls, which will probably be some lamo excuse on why he can't be in a realtionship right now but enjoys your company and wants to stay friends

 

He'll never say that if he wants to keep leading her on.

[SadandConfusedWA]

He'll never say that if he wants to keep leading her on.

 

Eh, probably some variation of that then. Like let's hang out sometimes and see where it goes......I am not ready for anything right now - I am depressed/busy/not over my ex.

[Awesome Username]

I missed a call from him about an hour ago. He said, "I'm calling in response to your text. I want to talk to you instead of typing. I'm leaving for an overnight gig, call me back tomorrow afternoon." This of course sounds to me like the polite kiss-off. I'm really embarrassed! Dammit!!!

 

Don't take it personally; it's typical musician behavior. This dude is immature and there is no reason why any man should ever leave a woman to find her way home after midnight - ESPECIALLY if he has a buddy with him. Sounds like you should have been on a date with his outraged buddy instead.

 

I agree with TrialByFire - Don't ever worry about what you look like and how attractive you are to a man once you have the date - Put it in his hands and if you're bored or appalled, its not the one for you.

NEXT!

[Treasa]

Don't call or text him back at all. At first I thought he was being a little flaky or maybe shy, but now I just think he's rude. Don't contact him at all. Let him contact you if he wants to discuss this badly enough.

 

Honestly, at this point I'd move on. I wouldn't want to be with a guy who wasn't crazy about me and showed it from the get-go.

[Sam Spade]

Well, it started out as a great evening. We went to dinner and the show and had a lot of fun. He helped me take my coat off, hung it up for me, we had a nice candlelit dinner. Did the whole sitting very close together, some part of our bodies always touching thing. Met up with some friends of his after the show for drinks, got along well with the friends. At one point I said, "My face hurts from laughing so much all night," and he said, "Mine too."

 

And then we left the bar, and we were walking down the street with his friend, and when we got to his train he said, "I'm just going to head on home. You can get yourself home?" Not even the slightest mention of dancing, which I guess hanging out with his friends was supposed to replace.

 

I said, uh, yeah...? His friend looked uncomfortable and perplexed. As, I'm sure, did I. DB hugged me and said, "Good to hang out with you again," and disappeared into the subway station, confused friend in tow.

 

I sent a text and said, "Thanks for the fun evening. So, I'm just going to ask -- was that a date?"

 

That was two hours ago, and I've received no response whatsoever. Not a yes, not a no, not a "hope you got home okay," NOTHING.

 

WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

 

 

it is either that

 

1) He's doesn't want to do anything to do with you but is too lame to let you know upfront so resorts to these "hang-outs"

 

or

 

2) He has issues he is not yet ready to face (HOMO)

[Lishy]

Sedge PLEASE do me a fabour babe ... Text him right now and say "It's ok I dont need to talk to you now, I have my answers, take care"

 

Dont call him with YOUR money to hear him fob you off ... you are worth so much more than that and I really think you should show him that Sedge!

[SadandConfusedWA]

Sedge PLEASE do me a fabour babe ... Text him right now and say "It's ok I dont need to talk to you now, I have my answers, take care"

 

Dont call him with YOUR money to hear him fob you off ... you are worth so much more than that and I really think you should show him that Sedge!

 

Unfort. if she does this, she will always wonder...

 

Sometimes it's better to hear rejection straight up for "closure".

 

The only worrying thing is that he might give her some ambigous c%ap to keep her hanging on.

[sedgwick]

LET ME PREFACE THIS POST BY SAYING THAT IF ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY IS HOW STUPID I AM AND HOW HE DOESN'T LIKE ME, PLEASE REFRAIN! THAT MESSAGE HAS BEEN RECEIVED. THANK YOU!!

 

After a few hours of thinking about it, last night I sent the following text:

 

"Got your voicemail. I don't like feeling embarrassed and weird, and while last night was way fun, it ended with me feeling embarrassed and weird. I really suck at boy/girl games, so I'm just gonna say: I have a crush on you. I don't want you to feel pressured for some big relationship, but I would love to treat you well and be the girl who makes you laugh rather than engaging in the usual girl drama. I just want someone to have adventures and make things with. So there ya go!"

 

Now I'm done. I'm not calling him or contacting him again. It's totally up to him at this point, and I feel quite confident he's not into me. However, at least I was direct, honest, and proactive, and I'm proud of myself for that. I'm not crushed that he's not into me. Confused, yes -- he DEFINITELY seemed flirty and it definitely felt like a date. But when hanging out with his friends replaced going out dancing, and there was no mention whatsoever of the dancing, it annoyed me. I was so excited that a musician had actually suggested that to a dancer, as if he recognized what was important to me and wanted to participate. I was thrilled that it wasn't going to be a bassf*cker-style date, i.e. hanging out with his musician friends talking about music and allowing me to be there. But as he walked down the street with his buddy, he actually said, "Hey, do you want to hang out and play music this weekend?" and the buddy said yes and they started making plans.

 

So, to all the women reading this, apparently a guy CAN take you out, and touch you all night, and look into your eyes, and laugh with you, and still see you only as a buddy. It's a new one on me, but apparently guys do it. Oh well, I'm not contacting him again. It would seem that love's not in my future, but self-preservation definitely is!

Edited December 6, 2009 by sedgwick

[SadandConfusedWA]

"Got your voicemail. I don't like feeling embarrassed and weird, and while last night was way fun, it ended with me feeling embarrassed and weird. I really suck at boy/girl games, so I'm just gonna say: I have a crush on you. I don't want you to feel pressured for some big relationship, but I would love to treat you well and be the girl who makes you laugh rather than engaging in the usual girl drama. I just want someone to have adventures and make things with. So there ya go!"

 

 

Good stuff sedge.... very brave.

[tkgirl]

LET ME PREFACE THIS POST BY SAYING THAT IF ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY IS HOW STUPID I AM AND HOW HE DOESN'T LIKE ME, PLEASE REFRAIN! THAT MESSAGE HAS BEEN RECEIVED. THANK YOU!!

 

After a few hours of thinking about it, last night I sent the following text:

 

"Got your voicemail. I don't like feeling embarrassed and weird, and while last night was way fun, it ended with me feeling embarrassed and weird. I really suck at boy/girl games, so I'm just gonna say: I have a crush on you. I don't want you to feel pressured for some big relationship, but I would love to treat you well and be the girl who makes you laugh rather than engaging in the usual girl drama. I just want someone to have adventures and make things with. So there ya go!"

 

Now I'm done. I'm not calling him or contacting him again. It's totally up to him at this point, and I feel quite confident he's not into me. However, at least I was direct, honest, and proactive, and I'm proud of myself for that. I'm not crushed that he's not into me. Confused, yes -- he DEFINITELY seemed flirty and it definitely felt like a date. But when hanging out with his friends replaced going out dancing, and there was no mention whatsoever of the dancing, it annoyed me. I was so excited that a musician had actually suggested that to a dancer, as if he recognized what was important to me and wanted to participate. I was thrilled that it wasn't going to be a bassf*cker-style date, i.e. hanging out with his musician friends talking about music and allowing me to be there. But as he walked down the street with his buddy, he actually said, "Hey, do you want to hang out and play music this weekend?" and the buddy said yes and they started making plans.

 

So, to all the women reading this, apparently a guy CAN take you out, and touch you all night, and look into your eyes, and laugh with you, and still see you only as a buddy. It's a new one on me, but apparently guys do it. Oh well, I'm not contacting him again. It would seem that love's not in my future, but self-preservation definitely is!

 

awww... I would never say that! I'm proud of you actually for putting your feelings out there and letting him know you're not into games and drama. If he is ready and mature enough, hopefully he will get what a cool chick you are... if not than it's his loss!

Man, I cannot help but compare my situation with guitar guy to yours.. like those two sound so much alike! Except our "relationship" ended up progressing somewhat... we got intimate and all that and he seemd into me... only to have him freak and disappear... and then come back... and then disappear... waaaay too painful and I wouldn't wish what I went through on anybody...

chin up girl, you did good!

[northstar1]

Well the important thing is you got back out there and dated.

 

So it didn't work out. Most of the time you meet someone and go out it doesn't work out. That's life. In the past few years, I've probably been out on dates with 20 different girls, and most didn't work out. You just keep moving on.

 

You can't let the fact that one person you've gone on a date with in a long time didn't work out set you back to square 1.

 

Use the positive fact you got back out there as a building block to meet others.

[dreamergrl]

So he just called and told me he didn't feel any chemistry with me, but he understood how I felt because he liked someone who didn't like him.

 

I said, "I just need to know if it's because of my body."

 

He said, "I'm not going to go into details."

 

I said, "If you don't, I am going to assume that it's because I'm too fat."

 

He said, "You're basically handing me a loaded gun and asking me to shoot myself in the foot."

 

I said, "Okay, I get it that you don't want to be seen with the fat chick. You're off the hook."

 

And I hung up.

 

I don't know why in god's name I put myself in that position. I should have remembered that even when I loved someone with all my heart and worked harder to be a good partner than I've ever worked before, I wasn't good enough. Oh well, at least I threw away the dinner I was cooking. I will never embarrass anybody with my weight again. So maybe at least there's that, right?

 

Do you really feel fat that you should be throwing out your dinner?

 

If it is a true concern and not some idea that someone put in your head... change for YOU and YOU only. And if you want to change, don't do it by passing on meals.. do it the healthy way.

 

I'm sorry things didn't work out! That doesn't mean it wont with someone else in the future.

[thegreatmoose]

So he just called and told me he didn't feel any chemistry with me, but he understood how I felt because he liked someone who didn't like him.

 

I said, "I just need to know if it's because of my body."

 

He said, "I'm not going to go into details."

 

I said, "If you don't, I am going to assume that it's because I'm too fat."

 

He said, "You're basically handing me a loaded gun and asking me to shoot myself in the foot."

 

I said, "Okay, I get it that you don't want to be seen with the fat chick. You're off the hook."

 

And I hung up.

 

I don't know why in god's name I put myself in that position. I should have remembered that even when I loved someone with all my heart and worked harder to be a good partner than I've ever worked before, I wasn't good enough. Oh well, at least I threw away the dinner I was cooking. I will never embarrass anybody with my weight again. So maybe at least there's that, right?

He sounds like a moron. He deserved to be hung up on and good for you for doing it. You're not the one who needs to change. There are so many better men out there.

[shadowplay]

So he just called and told me he didn't feel any chemistry with me, but he understood how I felt because he liked someone who didn't like him.

 

I said, "I just need to know if it's because of my body."

 

He said, "I'm not going to go into details."

 

I said, "If you don't, I am going to assume that it's because I'm too fat."

 

He said, "You're basically handing me a loaded gun and asking me to shoot myself in the foot."

 

I said, "Okay, I get it that you don't want to be seen with the fat chick. You're off the hook."

 

And I hung up.

 

I don't know why in god's name I put myself in that position. I should have remembered that even when I loved someone with all my heart and worked harder to be a good partner than I've ever worked before, I wasn't good enough. Oh well, at least I threw away the dinner I was cooking. I will never embarrass anybody with my weight again. So maybe at least there's that, right?

 

Sedgwick, this is almost EXACTLY did with the guy I mentioned earlier who blew me off. It left me feeling miserable after. I'll get more into it later...

[XxBacktoBlackXx]

Sedge, I'm so sorry about all this. But I do find it so admirable that you had so much courage in this situation. You put yourself out there in a positive way. In the past, I did the same exact thing as you did with your text except I wrote it as an E-mail. I got shot down and it broke my heart to pieces 'cause I had liked this person for a long while. Now I'm happy I did that because I learned that I really can't handle game playing. It's good that you know that about yourself. I always think it's so admirable when people are honest with their emotions and put it out there like that. That's the way I try to live my life now.

 

As for the guy, I deduce that he is a bit of a douche because of him just LEAVING YOU THERE at the subway station. REGARDLESS OF WHETHER OR NOT HE WANTED TO BE WITH YOU, HE SHOULD NOT HAVE DONE THAT. I know you know that. I'm capitalizing it because it aggravates me so much. No one should bring someone on a date (even if it wasn't a romantic date) and throw them to the wolves come night-time. I think you lucked out with this, Sedge. I have seen you post a picture of yourself on this board before as your avatar and you aren't even overweight and your dreadlocked hair looked gorgeous. So I really have no idea what he's talking about in regards to your weight. You make it sound as if you are obese when you are not even near being fat. I know you asked him directly for the comment about your appearance but I still feel he was really tactless about it.

 

Sedge, I really feel for you. I hate that this happened as you finally put yourself out there, finally crushed on another, and it didn't work out. But please do NOT start throwing away your dinners. There's no reason for it at all. You sound like you eat really healthy ANYWAY, going to veggie restaurants, etc., so it is so unnecessary. Everyone needs nutrients. It is so important for dancers to have healthy bodies, isn't it! I have confidence that at some point you will find someone who is WORTH your time but quite FRANKLY, I'm hoping he's NOT a DAMNED musician. I don't have anything against musicians having dated them but perhaps a new avenue is best!

[sedgwick]

So I really have no idea what he's talking about in regards to your weight. You make it sound as if you are obese when you are not even near being fat.

 

Oh, I'm definitely fat! I wear a size 14 and am too terrified to actually get on a scale. Plus I live in NYC, where the streets are swarming with emaciated models, and I'm constantly surrounded by thin bellydancers. It sucks!!

 

At least the way he treated me will motivate me to get in shape, because I'd like to be treated better next time (if there even is a next time.) Actually I think I'm just going back to hibernating like I have been for the past 2.5 years. At least in that time I didn't bother anyone!

[tkgirl]

So he just called and told me he didn't feel any chemistry with me, but he understood how I felt because he liked someone who didn't like him.

 

I said, "I just need to know if it's because of my body."

 

He said, "I'm not going to go into details."

 

I said, "If you don't, I am going to assume that it's because I'm too fat."

 

He said, "You're basically handing me a loaded gun and asking me to shoot myself in the foot."

 

I said, "Okay, I get it that you don't want to be seen with the fat chick. You're off the hook."

 

And I hung up.

 

I don't know why in god's name I put myself in that position. I should have remembered that even when I loved someone with all my heart and worked harder to be a good partner than I've ever worked before, I wasn't good enough. Oh well, at least I threw away the dinner I was cooking. I will never embarrass anybody with my weight again. So maybe at least there's that, right?

 

oh girl... there is absolutely nothing wrong with you... no matter what your weight is! Please stop feeling bad about your body or whatever... do not give him that power! Chemistry is chemistry... it's either there or it isn't. For him it just wasn't, it sucks I know because you felt it with him... but you know what, there is someone out there that will feel it with you too... you just got to keep loving yourself and believing that you deserve someone who is just as into you as you are into him... he's out there!

Now go treat yourself to something yummy for dinner and maybe have a little wine too... and forget about that loser!