Samari Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 Well, it started out as a great evening. We went to dinner and the show and had a lot of fun. He helped me take my coat off, hung it up for me, we had a nice candlelit dinner. Did the whole sitting very close together, some part of our bodies always touching thing. Met up with some friends of his after the show for drinks, got along well with the friends. At one point I said, "My face hurts from laughing so much all night," and he said, "Mine too." And then we left the bar, and we were walking down the street with his friend, and when we got to his train he said, "I'm just going to head on home. You can get yourself home?" Not even the slightest mention of dancing, which I guess hanging out with his friends was supposed to replace. I said, uh, yeah...? His friend looked uncomfortable and perplexed. As, I'm sure, did I. DB hugged me and said, "Good to hang out with you again," and disappeared into the subway station, confused friend in tow. I sent a text and said, "Thanks for the fun evening. So, I'm just going to ask -- was that a date?" That was two hours ago, and I've received no response whatsoever. Not a yes, not a no, not a "hope you got home okay," NOTHING. WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Sorry to hear about that. That is a little rude. Was that last moment where you said "bye" a total 180 from the way he was acting earlier in the evening? Was it really late when you guys when your separate ways? He's hung out with you twice right? I'd be surprised if he would hang out with you again if he wasn't interested in you a little bit. Guys are usually easy to read. Perhaps you should give him a call in a day or two and casually ask "hey weren't we supposed to go dancing?" in a joking manner.
tkgirl Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 Well, it started out as a great evening. We went to dinner and the show and had a lot of fun. He helped me take my coat off, hung it up for me, we had a nice candlelit dinner. Did the whole sitting very close together, some part of our bodies always touching thing. Met up with some friends of his after the show for drinks, got along well with the friends. At one point I said, "My face hurts from laughing so much all night," and he said, "Mine too." And then we left the bar, and we were walking down the street with his friend, and when we got to his train he said, "I'm just going to head on home. You can get yourself home?" Not even the slightest mention of dancing, which I guess hanging out with his friends was supposed to replace. I said, uh, yeah...? His friend looked uncomfortable and perplexed. As, I'm sure, did I. DB hugged me and said, "Good to hang out with you again," and disappeared into the subway station, confused friend in tow. I sent a text and said, "Thanks for the fun evening. So, I'm just going to ask -- was that a date?" That was two hours ago, and I've received no response whatsoever. Not a yes, not a no, not a "hope you got home okay," NOTHING. WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! oh geez... I'd swear this was my old musician guy except he plays guitar and not the drums... well, he dabbles in drums... so no kiss goodbye or anything? and he really should have seen that you got home ok... that was pretty lame. I'm sorry sedgewick, I was really hoping for a better outcome. I mean, it started off good but... that would have killed it for me how it ended. My take? I think there's someone else... either an ex he's not quite over or someone he's interested in but it hasn't quite gone anywhere yet. I'm sure he likes you too.. but maybe he was feeling more of the "hanging out with a friend" thing. I'm not saying you can't change it around but for now I would hang back a bit.. I think he knows you like him and he's just not sure. You sent him that text... I wouldn't do anything else. Those damn confused musician types! I feel your pain, girl!
LucreziaBorgia Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 Honestly, if that had happened to me I would write him off regardless of the reason. That was a horribly lame way to end the night after all that has built up previously. This makes me so angry for you! I want to find that guy and take twenty dollars of drum lessons out on his skull.
Lishy Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 I have just seen this thread and read it all and then when I got to the end .... OMG I want to get his head and bang it against the wall!!!!!!!!!! What a JERK!!!! OMG Sedge I am so upset with him, how dare he!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bastard! Are you ok?
Ariadne Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Well, You went and invited yourself on this going out, because you didn't want to pay for the lame 20 dollar lessons. The guy didn't want to ditch you, but didn't want to make it a date either, so he told you to go see a show with the friends. And then added.. and a dance, to make it sound a little better. So you went on courting mode, took him to a candle light dinner, and as expected, the guy ditched.
Lishy Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 Wow A, you are always just around the corner just waiting for your opportunity to make someone feel even worse aren't you?
Ariadne Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 Wow A, you are always just around the corner just waiting for your opportunity to make someone feel even worse aren't you? I rather tell her the truth that that the guy is a jerk.
Lishy Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 And how to you know what the truth is A? You do realise your sharp words are not one iota helpful dont you? and how was it obvious he would ditch her at the end of the night? You really should think before you type
Ariadne Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 Btw, I went and looked it up: "I just got this! Ack, we're not doing so well, huh? Maybe we should meet up for coffee in the city and discuss it...it would be nice to just hang out!" he said "I like your energy a lot and I'm looking forward to hanging out with you." DB hugged me and said, "Good to hang out with you again," and disappeared into the subway station This guy sees sedge as a hanging out buddy at best, and a headache at worst by now.
Ariadne Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 (I'm also glad that sedge is going out and getting excited about a new guy, so this is not a bad thing after all, and she had lots of fun still).
Author sedgwick Posted December 5, 2009 Author Posted December 5, 2009 (edited) Was that last moment where you said "bye" a total 180 from the way he was acting earlier in the evening? Was it really late when you guys when your separate ways? He's hung out with you twice right? Perhaps you should give him a call in a day or two and casually ask "hey weren't we supposed to go dancing?" in a joking manner. We've hung out twice one-on-one, plus his party. Every time we're around each other I get distinct flirty signals. Every time we're together we're laughing and talking constantly, and there's never a lull in the conversation. And my understanding is that generally guys don't sit veryvery close to and frequently touch girls who are just buddies, but I suppose I could be wrong. When we parted, it was about 12:30. We met up at 7:30. He had an early gig today, so I can understand him wanting to go home, since it takes about 45 min to get there from where we were. For him to have come to my neighborhood, it would have meant he had to go all the way across town, then go back across town again to get the train. I'm not going to call him, I already sent him a text. It's his turn to get in touch. And as for the "was it a complete 180?" thing, not really. When we first met up he hugged me (twice), and he hugged me when we parted. And I can understand him not wanting our first kiss to be in front of his friend, of course. But an "I'll call you" would have been nice, or a kiss on the cheek. And it would have been nice to get a text making sure I got home okay, or at least an answer to the one I sent. When we talked last week, and I said I thought maybe he was upset with me because he hadn't called after the party, his response was, "If you ever feel that way in the future, just talk to me about it." So I felt comfortable sending him the text asking if it was a date. But my feeling is that he should have remembered telling me to be open with him, and responded. It's been 10 hours since I sent that text and I've heard nothing. To me, that's really rude. I spoke to one of my best friends about it this morning, and she said, "I think he was just being a dumb tactless boy who had five really fun hours with you and then botched the goodnight. Think about the five hours, not the last three minutes." As for the possibility of there being someone else, I do know he went through a bad breakup back in the summer. So it's entirely possible he's not over his ex. However, when *I* was four months out of the bassf*cker experience, a guy I've known for a while started hitting on me, and I promptly told him I wasn't ready to date. DB has had ample opportunity to tell me that and hasn't. So, to any guys reading this, I need to know: would you hang out with a girl several times, and touch her a lot, and take her out for a show and drinks, and introduce her to your friends, if she was just a buddy? Have you ever done this? Edited December 5, 2009 by sedgwick
threebyfate Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 when we got to his train he said, "I'm just going to head on home. You can get yourself home?"sedg, this should be a dealbreaker to you. Any guy who can't be bothered with ensuring you get home safe, isn't someone worth getting to know better. Even if he's only looking at you as a friend, this is HIGHLY discourteous and potentially risky, since it was late at night. I sent a text and said, "Thanks for the fun evening. So, I'm just going to ask -- was that a date?" That was two hours ago, and I've received no response whatsoever. Not a yes, not a no, not a "hope you got home okay," NOTHING.Another discourtesy. Rather than respond, he's leaving you hanging when you were asking a straight-forward question. This is in direct conflict with him telling you in the past to just ask him, if something bothers you. People should be less concerned about whether YOU appeal to the other person and more concerned about whether his behaviour is acceptable TO you. Don't put up with crappy behaviour.
shadowplay Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 (edited) Sedgwick, one word for this guy: LAME. This reminds me of the botched "date" I once had with a guy I was crushing on. He ended the night by basically leaving me on me on the street and saying "see you around." But I think DB was worse because he led you on in a way. I can't explain his pussyfooting, but it doesn't really matter. His behavior is inexcusable. Edited December 5, 2009 by shadowplay
Author sedgwick Posted December 5, 2009 Author Posted December 5, 2009 People should be less concerned about whether YOU appeal to the other person and more concerned about whether his behaviour is acceptable TO you. Don't put up with crappy behaviour. That's exactly what I'm trying to remind myself. I like him, but I'm not willing to chase him. It would have been very simple to respond to that text with a yes/no/we'll talk later. If he's choosing to ignore me, especially after we had a really fun evening together, it says a lot more about him than about me. If you're not interested, just say you're not interested, y'know? Don't play games. It's like, either you want to be a grownup living in the grownup world, interacting courteously with other grownups, or you want to be a flaky musician -- pick one. You can't have both, and I'm not willing to wait around debasing myself until you make up your mind. Lack of communication was a problem with bassf*cker and I'm just not willing to put up with it again.
threebyfate Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 That's exactly what I'm trying to remind myself. I like him, but I'm not willing to chase him. It would have been very simple to respond to that text with a yes/no/we'll talk later. If he's choosing to ignore me, especially after we had a really fun evening together, it says a lot more about him than about me. If you're not interested, just say you're not interested, y'know? Don't play games. It's like, either you want to be a grownup living in the grownup world, interacting courteously with other grownups, or you want to be a flaky musician -- pick one. You can't have both, and I'm not willing to wait around debasing myself until you make up your mind. Lack of communication was a problem with bassf*cker and I'm just not willing to put up with it again.You bet, sedg. That's the attitude! No more enabling or acceptance of crappy behaviour!
XxBacktoBlackXx Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 I have one word for this douchebag: NEXT. If he's already showing signs of flakey behavior, it's doubtful it will ever stop. Plus, what I find the most insulting is that he seemed to just throw out there very quickly that he was going home instead of asking you if you wanted to wrap up the night. Also, it was discourteous of him to ensure that HE had a ride home instead of being concerned about you. Granted, he ASKED if you had a way of getting home, but it didn't seem like he showed a lot of care about it. The part that I find the most unreasonable is not responding to a simple text. It takes two seconds to do such a thing. Even if I wasn't interested in someone, I would respond to their text in order to be polite. Especially if I had just spent hours with them on a date. This is unspeakably rude. There really is no excuse for it. If he eventually gets back to you and claims that he "needed to be by himself for awhile and disconnect from the world" or whatever moody reason he will give, it's not an excuse. You do not even have to see a person to send a text. He could have written you a response and then hibernated in his moody/drumming musician cave for awhile. Whatever these types of musicians do. If he ever tells you he sleeps with his drums, that will be the final nail in the coffin. I wouldn't be surprised.
You'reasian Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 How do I like a woman to dress on the first date? Semi-conservatively. Not revealing too much, just enough.
Author sedgwick Posted December 5, 2009 Author Posted December 5, 2009 The part that I find the most unreasonable is not responding to a simple text. It takes two seconds to do such a thing. Even if I wasn't interested in someone, I would respond to their text in order to be polite. Especially if I had just spent hours with them on a date. This is unspeakably rude. I agree. To not be able to respond to a text asking a yes-or-no question within a 12-hour period is just bogus. If it wasn't a date, respond and say no, and be done with it. And I'm sorry, but you just don't leave a woman standing in the street in the middle of the night and then not make the slightest effort to find out if she got home all right. It's really confusing behavior, but more than that, it's RUDE. Plus, he paid for the show and drinks, but I paid for dinner -- an $80 dinner, to be precise. At the very bare minimum, send me a text/email saying "Thanks for dinner." Just...SOMETHING.
Lishy Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 He is rude and he is not the man for you SEDGE!
XxBacktoBlackXx Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 This man is building a potential application for Tool Academy. Even if he is not OUTRIGHT rude and insulting, his behavior is odd and inconsiderate. Firstly, it was rude for him to ask you to pay for lessons without thinking about how you were knitting him a scarf. And then he had the nerve to not talk to you for awhile and NOW he pulls this stunt. If you were to continue to date him (even though he won't even TELL you if it was a date), I think this behavior would only get worse. I have the mind to take his drums and bang a hole in them. I hope you didn't split a joint with him and saved it for yourself--that would have been a complete waste.
Lishy Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 I think you should end this now... Send him a text telling him you have never had a friend not care that you got home safely and that he does not have the qualities to be your friend anymore He is giving you a warning about how he is Sedge so run while you can and next him! You need another flake like you need a hole in your head!
Ingenue Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 I would absolutely consider this man to be a douche. Any person who lacks the consideration to say a proper goodbye and at least walk me to my subway in the middle of the night, is not worth my time. His lack of consideration on this front is only a harbinger of things to come. If he lacks consideration for something as this, imagine how he'll be in other areas. I can understand botching up a goodbye, but that should at least warrant an apology or a text responding back to you. I'd find this completely unacceptable.
tkgirl Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 His lack of response says it all... he is so unsure about everything and doesn't know what to say... do you really want to be with someone like that? cuz he's not going to change... I mean, you know he's flaky and now you are finding out just how much... if he contacts you with some lame response or excuse, don't fall for it or forgive his behavior... you deserve waaaaay better!
Jaytb Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 Yeah yeah yeah we heard all about the guy being a jerk. But the real question was, how was the food? lol
Ruby Slippers Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 He's lame, and you're more into him than he is you. He probably enjoys the company and attention, and that's it. Don't expect any more. And I'd advise you not to get involved with anyone who isn't just as into you as you are him -- and preferably, he would be a little more into you than you are him.
Recommended Posts