McGrupp Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 im 24, 25 in a month. i have these crazy anxiety attacks mostly about, her and what i shouldve done and B) never finding someone i love as much, or as pretty and caring. the latter is ridiculous, right? i mean im an ok looking dude, who nabbed one hot chick once, i can do it again? as u can see my confidence has dwindled and my insecurities abound
northstar1 Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 im 24, 25 in a month. i have these crazy anxiety attacks mostly about, her and what i shouldve done and B) never finding someone i love as much, or as pretty and caring. the latter is ridiculous, right? i mean im an ok looking dude, who nabbed one hot chick once, i can do it again? as u can see my confidence has dwindled and my insecurities abound Ofcourse you will bro, you are in the prime time of your life. Are you keeping yourself busy with work/exercise/friends/hobbies/plans?
Author McGrupp Posted December 2, 2009 Author Posted December 2, 2009 (edited) yeah trying. winter gets tough as eveyone bundles up. gotta keep busy or my mind wanders and i get crazy im just scared im going to be that single guy forever even though its only been 3 months and ive hooked up with 3 girls. all really hot (not by my standards as nothing compares to my ex, but by my friends) just really scared im going to die alone. Edited December 2, 2009 by McGrupp
northstar1 Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 yeah trying. winter gets tough as eveyone bundles up. gotta keep busy or my mind wanders and i get crazy im just scared im going to be that single guy forever even though its only been 3 months and ive hooked up with 3 girls. all really hot (not by my standards as nothing compares to my ex, but by my friends) just really scared im going to die alone. i went through a bad breakup last summer. felt terrible for months, depressed, etc. thought id' never meet another girl like her etc, and i'm much older than you mate. i moved on, found a great new girl, and the ex is rarely in my thoughts. you will too.
Author McGrupp Posted December 2, 2009 Author Posted December 2, 2009 thanks. i just need the occasional success story
JamesM Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 First off, I am sure that you will find someone that you will love as much as the ex. You may always remember her with a special fondness, but you will move on...if you let yourself. I am married for almost twenty years. The fear of dying alone without my wife is there. I don't mean to be pessimistic, but one of us will die first. I would rather that I have the pain of losing her than she the pain of losing me. So...finding another person does not take away that fear. I think the bigger fear you have is LIVING alone for the rest of your life. And I believe that you will not.
Art_Critic Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 I would rather that I have the pain of losing her than she the pain of losing me. Have you spoken to your wife about that.. she might not feel the same way Mcgrupp.. yeah.. at 25 you are just starting out your life... If you reach 45 and haven't completed any of those things that give you the anxiety feelings today then worry.. but you have at least 20 years to even worry about.. Enjoy life...it only goes around once...
nobmagnet Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 it will happen when you least expect it. Best not to look and it will sneak up on you. Gotta go got a hot date!!!!!!!!
GrayClouds Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 i mean im an ok looking dude, who nabbed one hot chick once, i can do it again? as u can see my confidence has dwindled and my insecurities abound Fact is you never had any confidence, what felt like confidence was the "hot chick" next to you. Which is why you can not give up the EX or the desire to replace her with another 'hot chick". Like "he" said, how about one that love you. How about figuring how to get confidence on your won rather then surrogate.
Trinitron Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 just really scared im going to die alone. SO, you're thinking this at 25? Dude, please. Next few sentences will be meant to help you out which in turn will end up making me feel like a pile of dog shyte. I'm 46, divorced 2002, haven't had a date since 2004(it was with my ex so this shouldn't count). Haven't spoken to my son for 5 years, am still paying my school loan and my sons, and the last 3 months been used and played only for my money. I could go on.....you get the point. Friggin stop this, you have at least 20 years to make less mistakes than I ever did. Fine, you're afraid of regret. Wake up to reality. Deal as best you can and move on, you are in your prime take advantage of that fact, no, how about you own it. You're missing out on a great opportunity to grow here, how you proceed from this point on may well define who you'll be 20 years from now, please don't make the same mistakes I did, I've yet to recover from mine. Food for thought. Trinitron
JaggedRoad Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 I still don't understand why you want to be with her after she cheated on you. Well, you do have a reason, but her being "hot" is not a good reason. If you so desperately want someone hot to ****, then why don't you try contacting a porn star? I'm sure a few grand will be enough. I mean all you care about is boning a hot girl, right?
Nikki Sahagin Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 I think all of this stems from low self-esteem and insecurity. If you lack self-worth then what you own or possess becomes the sum of your worth. Things like money and cars...and women. In your case, your ex. But somewhere along the line she sensed your insecurity and cheated on you...because she knew she could. You have to learn that who you are with or what you have does not define you. People come and go, so do possessions, but you and the relationship you have with you is forever. For better or for worse, you are married to yourself, stuck with yourself, thats it. You have to become your best friend or you'll become your worst enemy. Where did your low self esteem origionate from? What's the root of it? And she may have been beautiful but she was ugly inside...to cheat on you.
mickleb Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 What, in your life, can you feel lucky about, McGru? x
teanoranges Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 I have to agree with a lot of the people here. It must be low self esteem or uncertainty with life. I find the best way to keep my head up about not being a failure or completely lost is to reflect on the good I've done and also to think about what I want to do (and this should focus on things you want to do unrelated to a significant other) It helps you let life look less bleak.
soheartbroken Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 You need to work on you before you start worrying about getting a "hot chick". I mean, we all sympathize with you, and you're probably getting the most support on this board out of everyone who posts....but it's hard to support someone when all they care about is finding someone hot. But whatever. Who am I to talk? I'm obsessed with not finding anyone as attractive as my ex. I mean, I'm so picky, and attraction is important to me (it's important for any relationship). I'm finding that women are either out of my league or I'm not interested.
Ms. Joolie Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 The way I see it, McGrupp, is that you have to start thinking, writing and talking about new things. YOU are keeping yourself trapped thinking, talking, writing, posting about the same thing. Talk/think/post more about the future. Act accordingly. YOU have to move forward. It's not just going to happen.
mmk1 Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 I agree that this is fear of abandonment and low self-esteem. The good news is that this is all curable and you don't have to worry about this for the rest of your life. You will find someone, whether hot or not, that you will find meets your needs. First, you need to focus inward and find what's important to you before you go looking for qualities in someone else. This is an excellant opportunity she has given you to work on your issues and come out a better person.
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