I lost my everything....

[lovestinks151]

OK I would first off like to thank anybody that took the time to read this because it is going to be long. I would like everyone that is going to give me input or advice on my situation, in doing so you be completely and brutally honest .

 

Here is my story I'm 19 (the guy) and she is 19 the girl. We were best friends for some time and I started having other feelings for her. I told her immediately and she kept saying "I dont want to hurt you" Haha. Well this was a true case unfortunately. She finally gave into her feelings or convinced herself that she like me in a romantic way as well. We dated for 2 1/2 years, and can honestly say the best 2 1/2 years of my life. We did everything together and I mean everything. I had a key to her house and our parents would tell one another that they loved us.

 

She comes from a poorer family and definitely not as stable. She has to pay for everything involving her and sometimes help the family out. I admired her for this and would help her in anyway that I could that didnt involve money. I used to go up to her work and sit there late at night and wait for her to get off because she was scared all alone up there and I made her feel safe. Not only did I go up there for her we enjoyed just spending time together. Before me she dated pricks and losers who cheated on her, she liked the bad boys. I treadted her like gold always did and in return it may have ruined us.

 

I went off to a college about an hour and half from home and she stayed and went to college locally. We would come see each other almost every single weekend whether it was me coming home or her coming to stay with me. We made it the entire freshman year, with a few bumps along the way. Over the summer I was on a team that required quite a bit of time, time that took away from her. She was upset but understood at the same time. We still did tons together over the summer from going to the lake, beach, clubs and even went on a road trip together. School starts again and both of us are ofcourse sad once again but we continued on the same path. September comes around and she broke up with me telling me that I didnt make her feel special anymore and that she just didnt feel connected anymore. She immediatley was messing around with another guy and told me everything (she did not sleep with him atleast thats what she told me). I forgave her and tryed to continue our relationship. We only made it about a month and she started hanging out with the wrong crowd (losers, whores). They would go out to clubs and stuff and not come home until 5 a.m. I didnt trust her ever since we broke up I mean how could I? The whole time we dated I always let her go and do what she wanted, I may have expressed concern but I just wanted her to be happy. I came home on a Friday in November and when I saw her she didnt even kiss me!!! I knew that she had cheated on me, she just looked and acted guilty. She lied to me at first "in order to protect my heart" but I pryed it out of her and to my dismay she told me she made out with some guy. She told me it was a get away and she was very remorseful she cried and cried and cried some more as did I. I was so hurt, the whole time we dated I never even thought of another girl... I never put myself in situations to mess up. I treated her so good, instilled values in her that would make her a better person and push her to move forward in life. I felt like If i didnt push it she wouldnt have even gone to college. I tried to sit on it for a few days but cracked when I hung out with her whole family. She acted as if nothing was wrong and just acted different. Later that same day I gathered her family together told them goodbye as they cried. I left her house broken hearted and knew that I had lost my everything. She texted me a thousands times things like "i feel like ive lost the best thing that ever happened to me", "I want to run back but know you deserve better", "You are the rock of my life I still want you as my bestfriend maybe even more I just dont know what the next step is." I was nice told her I would always love her and tryed to move on. Obviously it isnt that easy or I wouldnt be typing this. She talks to me nearly everyday and I tried just ignoring her texts and phone calls but after she said "after all we have been through you can atleast give me the respect to talk to me" so I did. I said some mean things, things I probably will regret but I was soo hurt and so sad. I know it wasnt the right thing to do but I didnt know what else to do. I find out that she is seeing the guy who she cheated on with me. I saw her recently and she is so different says she wants to live life day to day and is tired of constant bickering and pursuing something where she doesnt feel romantically connected anymore.

 

She told me she doesnt think she wants to go to school anymore and that she doesnt know what she wants to do in life. The guy isnt going to school or going anywhere in life at the moment go figure. So what does all this stuff she is doing mean? Why does she call me? Does she really want me as her bestfriend? Should I let go? Or am I crazy for even thinking about her? She wrote me a lettter a few days before she cheated on me saying nice things and about a future together BS i guess? Any input on this would be very helpful, what do you think I should do and has anyone had a similar situation? Do nice guys finish last?

Edited December 2, 2009 by lovestinks151

[DustySaltus]

Sorry you are going through this. A few things stuck out for me:

 

-She likes bad boys.

 

-She said she didn't feel the connection anymore in September but you "tried to continue the relationship".

 

From that point forward you weren't together though, and she didn't necessarily cheat on you although she did move on rather quickly.

 

-She doesn't know if she wants to go to school anymore or what she wants to do in life.

 

How could you expect her to be able to be in a meaniningful relationship at this point? She's in a downward spiral right now and she has to find her own way. I know it sucks but you can't control her emotions.

 

Read the NC guide in my signature and stick to it...and continue to post here.

 

D

[lovestinks151]

I didnt say this i just saw but we did officially get back together in october, then she cheated on me in November.