maryanalisa Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 This is my story. I have lived with my boyfriend for the past 3 months, dated for 6 months. We have a roomate who is few years younger than us, she is my coworker/friend. First, I love my boyfriend, I truly had grown to trust him- I have a 2yo son, my boyfriend has done so much for us. Well one night my bf, roomate, roomates guyfriend, and I played a game & shared a few drinks. Towards the end of our game our roomate spilt a drink on her pants. We laughed, thought it was funny. She got up to go change. When she returned, stood in front of her chair and adjusted herself. I looked over at my boyfriend, I watched his eyes slowly go from bottom to top on her. Then I just got straight up put my jacket on and left to go smoke outside. My boyfriend followed me, asking me, "whats wrong?" I told him I didnt want to talk and to leave me alone. He just kept pestering me. I got the guts to say it and I told him "I watched you look at her." He just flipped and kept saying, "I did not look at her in that way." I just felt like he was denying that he did anything. I left to go inside and he followed me he was getting very upset that I would not talk to him. After we got inside I just stood in the kitchen, real close to where we were playing our game and our roommate and her friend were still sitting there. He got upset that I would not look at him that he yelled, "I did not look at her that way." I felt humiliated that he said that in front of them. He did then look at our roommate and asked her to call it a night and just leave. I just continued to be upset and wanted to be left alone. The whole night he kept pestering me and telling me that I needed to talk to him. The next day he had told me that he talked to his mother and told her I was upset with him beacuse he had looked at another women. His mother was just ashamed. After he told me that he talked to his mother than I agreed to talk, I felt he was coming to recognize and apologize, so I agreed to talk to him. While we were talking he just continued to deny any wrong doing, that 'he did not look at her in that way.' I just told him that I feel more upset and that I am not ready to talk beacuse he does not want to apologize. I left to go for a walk because I wanted to clear my mind and give us both space. He was upset that I didn't want to talk to him. After I left he brought it to our roommates attention that I was still upset. Basically she had talked to her aunt about the whole situation and her aunt told her that I am just an insecure b*&^%$ and that my boyfriend needs to break up with me. I then asked what his response was to all this and he said he just shook his head in agreement. After I got home and he told me their conversation, he then started to say, "I think maybe they are right you are just being insecure." I just felt more upset. Now for damage repair with our roommate, I don't know where this lies- with me or him? My boyfriend has apologized and realize everything. Please your opinion- Thank you for any responses!
an hero Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 From what I understand, you guys had a few drinks and your boyfriend looked at another girl. Even if he was checking her out I think you are over reacting big time. Sounds like something that could have been resolved without the huge fight, and bringing random family members into it (I got confused at that point, had no idea what the **** was going on). Either way, to let this ruin or damage your relationship would be ridiculous in my eyes. Tell him how you feel about looking at other girls like that, and stop being a psychopath.
angie2443 Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 This issue should have stayed between just you and your boyfriend. For him to talk of it to others, especially the girl in question here, was a disrespect to your relationship. If I'm understanding this situation, you all live together? Why?? This would make sense if you and your boyfriend just met and didn't know where the relationship was going, but you've been together for a while now. I would evaluate your relationship with your boyfriend, and based on how you feel about it, either make plans to end the relationship or find a place for just you and your boyfriend to live. I would leave the female roommate out of this. When you start talking to her of your relationship troubles, you are bringing her into your relationship and from what I've seen, relationships typically fall apart when a third party is bought into them.
norajane Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 I truly had grown to trust him It does not sound like you do trust him. It sounds like one incident made you lose all your trust. You didn't for one second consider giving him the benefit of the doubt because you trust him. Then I just got straight up put my jacket on and left I told him I didnt want to talk and to leave me alone. I left to go inside and he followed me he was getting very upset that I would not talk to him. He got upset that I would not look at him I just continued to be upset and wanted to be left alone. The whole night he kept pestering me and telling me that I needed to talk to him. I just told him that I feel more upset and that I am not ready to talk I left to go for a walk He was upset that I didn't want to talk to him.And it sounds like you have a terrible habit of walking out, shutting down, withdrawing, and avoiding by using the silent treatment. That will never, ever help a situation - it will only make it worse. Communication and trust are the backbone of relationships. Until you are willing to come to the table and open up instead of running away at the slightest hint of an issue, you will never be in a relationship that works. You need to learn to give your bf the benefit of the doubt and discuss problems with him calmly instead of freaking out and backing away from him. Life will throw much bigger problems at the two of you and if you can't learn to handle your fears and insecurities and your problems better than this, you will not last together. In this situation, you need to apologize to your roommate for bringing her into your relationship problems. She is not to blame and did absolutely nothing wrong.
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