katz Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 Hi...im wondering and i need your help is it considered cheating if two people just have coffee and talk on the phone for over a year. And your conversation are over an hour or two long. And your spouse opens up to her (best friend) telling her about his hopes and dreams and how ur relationship isnt anymore? And the only way i found out was cuz i caught this long cell phone bills and when i confronted him and her..he begged me he didnt do anything wrong all he did was talk to her and she said the same thing . She wanted to know where he was coming from? B ut in the mean ti me he gave her a pet name..and..txt her peoms and and txt her about the fun they would have in about a years time..after he became single...but in the mean time HE DID NOTHING WRONG? but he did give her a peck on the cheek...and put his arm around her as they were going for a walk..So i asked him to leave and he said he has not where to go..and no money..but he wants to work it out ....but he still txts her? i know cuz i asked if he still txts her and she tell me yes and shows me the txt..so what should i do? should i try to work it out...or tell him to get lost? Im confused...i think i love but i dont want anyone else to have him even if i dont want him anymore?...
RedDevil66 Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 sounds like he's cheating or working up to that. It's pretty clear that he's a liar.
freestyle Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 This fits the definition of an emotional affair, absolutely. Your H was spending time and energy communicating with another woman behind your back. This would have continued had you not confronted the two of them. He discussed your private business (your M) with another woman.(HUGE breach of trust) Essentially you were put on trial, but excluded from being there to speak up in your own defense. Even if there was no physical contact, the fact that he's sharing his hopes, dreams, and innermost thoughts, means he's giving her his heart. (and I'm guessing you've been getting short-changed on meaningful conversations with him, that's how it usually works) He's talking about the fun they'll have in a year's time when he's SINGLE?? Was this news to you? He's planning to leave, and she knows about it before you do???WTF?!?!?! I'm sooo sorry, dear, but he's shown utter disrespect for you. His actions are contemptible. And I'm afraid he's just using you as a meal ticket, if he says he wants to work it out with you, yet continues to text the OW.If you allow him to stay with you, and continue this 'friendship" with her, you're setting yourself up for even more pain. The only thing you can do to make this work is to set rigid, absolute boundaries with him, with consequences if he fails to honor them. Then he has to do the work necessary to regain your trust. He's already demonstrated that he was capable of hiding things from you for a full year, and talking about you behind your back, so he needs to offer you 1000% transparency now. And genuine remorse, and acknowledgement for the pain he's caused you. He needs to hold himself accountable for his actions. I'd like to recommend that you (and your H) read the book "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass. It's a real eye-opener. Keep posting as much as you need to...............
imagine Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 There is definite opportunity for them to meet each other and their own emotional needs. Even though they have no initial temptation. This communication should always be between you, your spouse and friend. Their individual contact dissipates your relationship connection. A good rule is that each member should be concerned for their partners insecurities. If either you or her does something offensive to the other, reach agreement on the outcome that does not offend the other. If their meetings were hidden from you, I WOULD WORRY! PS: Read the book "Not just friends" -Shirley Glass.
imagine Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 Wow! I read the previous post. I assure you it was not there when I posted!
freestyle Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 Wow! I read the previous post. I assure you it was not there when I posted! No worries, just a case of crossing posts... we were both typing at the same time, but I submitted before you did. I chuckled when I read your post, I was thinking, "great minds think alike........" Hey OP, another great source of insight would be for you to read posts by an LS member," Owl"...........(you can find him on the members list) He had a similar experience to yours, his W almost left him for her EA partner,but they were able to successfully salvage the marriage. One of the rare success stories. Essentially, he drew an unmovable line in the sand for her, and held firm. Absolutely no more contact with the EA partner whatsoever, and a complete commitment to reconciling the marriage. In his case , it worked. ...........read for yourself.
Author katz Posted December 4, 2009 Author Posted December 4, 2009 well here is the lasted we have bee goin to see a therpist..and we have been spending time together..the other women. still works same place i do its hard not to avoid here..she trys to be nice and trys to get our friendship back..i just give her lite chit chats unavoidable i dont know if he stills keeps in contact with .? i hope not. i pay close attention to his cell bill but nothing..i can say i still love him but..i dont want him anymore..but i dont want anyone else to have him either doest that make sense?..i want him to feel what i went through i wanna have a fling ? should I?..hes more attendtive too..but i still dont trust him..he said He had to talk another women for me to notice him again? how can i trust again..i forgave him once he had a 6 months affair and produced a child in which 16 years later send a letter to our door.. wanting to meet her dad . my daughter..doesnt respect him anymore my son doesnt care but the little 4 year old doesnt understand i dont want her in the house cuz she looks too much like the mother and it would be a constant reminder for me...confused?
Dexter Morgan Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 Hi...im wondering and i need your help is it considered cheating if two people just have coffee and talk on the phone for over a year. And your conversation are over an hour or two long. if the reason you are doing so is because you are attracted to them or have feelings for them, then yes, its cheating. Its called an emotional affair.
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