USMCHokie Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 So I was posting in the betting thread, and I thought of a question that had kind of been on my mind, but never something I thought of posting on LS... If something major were to happen in your life, would you break NC to inform your ex...? I guess we'd all have differing opinions on what qualifies as "major", but what prompted this for me was my internal debate on whether I'd ask someone to tell my ex if I was to get wasted while deployed in Afghanistan... In my mind, I'd always wanted to make sure someone told her that I still loved her with all my heart and that I wanted the absolute best for her...but then again, would she even care to know...? Or would she even need to know...? We have completely separate lives now...and I'm pretty sure at this point in her life, I no longer exist...perhaps a distant memory at best...so would it matter if she knew or not? What are your thoughts on this...? As the dumper, would you even want to know...and as the dumpee, would you even want them to know...? I'm kind of torn... Link to post Share on other sites
Arabella Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 I broke NC when I was having surgery the first time we broke up. It was potentially life-threatening and I wanted to tie loose ends just in case (call me a pessimist). He acted like he didn't care and wouldn't pick up the phone to talk to me. Had to leave my thoughts on a voice mail. When he finally acknowledged me... he said he would call after the surgery to check on me - never did, not so much as a text message. Be careful if you choose to do it. You might not get the reaction you're hoping for... Arabella Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted December 2, 2009 Author Share Posted December 2, 2009 Be careful if you choose to do it. You might not get the reaction you're hoping for... Well, in my case, I wouldn't be around to see the reaction... But you do have a point...I guess in the back of your mind, you're hoping that they'd be sympathetic and come back to your side...but if they're cold and apathetic, it may hurt you even more... Link to post Share on other sites
Arabella Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 I guess you're right. If I were her, I would want to know. I can see how knowing that might give her peace and closure. Arabella Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted December 2, 2009 Author Share Posted December 2, 2009 I guess you're right. If I were her, I would want to know. I can see how knowing that might give her peace and closure. Arabella Well, I'm the dumpee in this case...so I'm guessing she has had all the peace and closure that she needed as the dumper...but we still loved each other when we separated...that I'm 100% sure of...but of course time and NC will do its magic...and by now she's probably gotten over me... So would I be hurting her in telling her...? Would she just be better off living her life not knowing...? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 If you're dead,it wouldn't matter, because you'd never be aware of her reaction. If you're alive, and you have ostensibly moved on, if you have the same social circle of friends, she'll find out anyway, from someone else.... And her reaction will be: "Insensitive jerk? Why the hell didn't he tell me himself? He's left it to someone else to tell me! See how much he respects me?" If you tell her, her reaction will be: "Insensitive jerk! Why the hell would he contact me just to tell me this? someone else could have told me! See how much he respects me?" In short, damned if you do, damned if you don't. Bear in mind that the only reason you want to tell her anything, is to make yourself feel better, not her. Link to post Share on other sites
Toki Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 No. I wouldn't want to hear it, and I wouldn't tell. If she cares enough to look back, and maybe think about saying "hi" in a few years, or decades, in the hopes that you've got on with your life as much as she has gotten on with hers, I think if she found a KIA- Afghanistan posted somewhere, it would probably have the desired effect you're looking for. It might hurt that she never got to really say goodbye, but it would make her feel better that the decision she made was for the best. Link to post Share on other sites
almostpassedit Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 (edited) I've had surgery, was not major and occured maybe 1 year or 1.5 years after the breakup. I did have someone else on my arm at the time and she did leave me, actually cheated on me so i threw her out and she never came back so did I think about contacting her? NO, partly because someone was there and partly because to much time had pass and partly because I was in to much pain to think about it. to answer your question, no, i would not tell the ex, why? because she doesn't care about me. We are not together and I wouldn't want to bother her, and if god forbid lets say I would get into an accident and die, I don't think she would care, she would probably think "well i told him to stop doing XX and YY and ZZ" so like the other poster said damn if you, damn if you don't its odd moving on from someone you "loved" or wanted to be with, especially when the realization hits you; "she just was not into me" Edited December 2, 2009 by almostpassedit Link to post Share on other sites
XKatieX Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 (edited) I think it all depends on how long its been. More than 2 months, I'd say probably not. rofl @ Taras post, couldn't be more true. Edited December 2, 2009 by XKatieX Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted December 2, 2009 Author Share Posted December 2, 2009 Bear in mind that the only reason you want to tell her anything, is to make yourself feel better, not her. You're right about this...I think I'm just trying to convince myself that I did everything I could to win her back...even if I did so posthumously...hmmm...that's slightly creepy... Link to post Share on other sites
leap83 Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 You're right about this...I think I'm just trying to convince myself that I did everything I could to win her back...even if I did so posthumously...hmmm...that's slightly creepy... You need to stop thinking about HOW to win her back. You should get on with your life like nothing happened (I know - easy to say, hard to do). Trust me - eventually she WILL come back. But it'll probably be at the time you're not interested anymore in having her back. All of my exes came back (even those that dumped me and I dumped) eventually. So, you really need to stop doing this to yourself. Move on. If she comes back, great - all the power to ya! If not, well at least you've moved on, so you won't even realize she didn't. Link to post Share on other sites
Nikki Sahagin Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 I think it depends on so many things. I mean.....I personally think that life is short and we only get one shot to do what we want and say what we want...and if there's something that you want/need to say, you can't regret that you've said it, only that you didn't. I personally probably would and I think my ex would also...but we were good friends beforehand...maybe that changes things a little, but yes I would. Link to post Share on other sites
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