Superdude87 Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 Trying to condense this as much as possible. Just need to rant, extremely frustrated and feeling brokenhearted a second time from the same girl. Ready to be done with her completely. Here goes... Started dating girl November 2008, things were fine until June 2009 when she went back to her ex (yes cheated). I moved on, didn't talk to her once, got better, and eventually around mid August she came back...wanted to talk, missed me, etc...after this we stayed in touch even while she was still with the guy. Yes, this was wrong of both me and her, I know!!! So eventually, she decided to leave and since she had no place to go, she came and stayed with me for about a month. 2 weeks ago, she moved into her own apartment after finally finding a roommate. Up until she moved out into her own place, she made it pretty clear she wanted to get back together. I felt like I could forgive her, and honestly things felt pretty good. After some good heart to heart talks and just spending time together, I felt like things could be good between us again. Now, she's getting distant and wants a "just friends relationship". I somewhat understand, and she makes some valid points. She knows she ****ed up...twice. She cheated on me, and also cheated on her ex with me. She's tired of being indecisive, hurting people, and she really needs to grow up. So she wants to uncomplicate her life, just focus on herself and what she really wants/needs. So she wants to stay friends but honestly doesn't know if she will want to get back together. She wants space to work, go to school, have fun, and just get back to being happy with herself without relationships complicating things. If things work out between us, fine...if not, so be it. YES, I am a fool for being tricked by this chick twice. I know I should just move on and find someone who loves me for me and wouldn't do this to me. Honestly, I've never met a girl whom I could see myself marrying until this one. I WANT to marry this girl...even tho I realize it's ironic to say that considering she has cheated on me and lied to me, now just jerking my emotions around and hurting me. But honestly, I love her to death. So I don't know what to do. Do I stick around? I know it's not fair for her to ask me to be "just friends" after our history together...but part of me wants to try, I really don't want to just give her the boot and risk losing a potentially awesome relationship if we ended up working things out down to road. Yes, I'm a chump. I realize this.
DustySaltus Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 What would make a potential relationship the THIRD TIME around so much more amazing then the first two? If this was happening to your best friend what would you tell him? Would you want him to go through this? Probably not. Well, you are supposed to be YOUR OWN best friend first. This girl has done some shady things. I hate to say it but she's a mess right now. I can understand wanting to give someone or something a second chance. There are thousands of posts in the second chance forum with stories similar to yours. However, when things don't work the second time around for whatever reason, you have to CLOSE THE BOOK. You are too predictable for her right now. You are becoming a doormat to her. You need to disappear from her life. Like I said down the line who knows what can occur but she needs to get her **** together. I personally think you should forget about her because someone who is cheating like this most likely will never change.
Author Superdude87 Posted December 2, 2009 Author Posted December 2, 2009 Haha yeah dude, I know if my best friend was going through this I would tell him to give that chick the boot and don't look back ever. It's just harder when you're the one in it, ya know? I know that's what needs to be done. I know that if it's meant to be, things will work eventually but that's not the right mentality to have. I need to think that she's just a lying, cheating bitch who doesn't deserve my time (which is true, she really doesn't). I guess it's harder to swallow the fact that I really need to get rid of her for good than it is to think "maybe someday down the road". With that mentality, I'll always be hanging on to the "what if..." or thinking about her, hoping one day our paths will cross when I should really just be getting on with my life. Trust me, I have plenty to keep me busy and happy. I really like the single life to be honest, I am so much more productive and can focus on my own goals and I LOVE that. I've been thru this before, I know the first little bit is hard but once my life starts to fall back into place and I'm getting **** done for me, I realize how much better off I am.
stace79 Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 I can tell you I was in a similar situation with my ex-fiance... not identical. He didn't cheat. But he was torn between me and his ex. He broke up with me to "figure things out" with her after only a few months of dating. Then realized the grass was not greener on the other side and came back to me, and I took him back. I love the guy even now -- we were engaged and then broke it off in October after really sticky mess involving me getting pregnant. Have to say, probably the worst thing I did was take him back after he broke up with me for her two years ago. Could have saved myself a lot of heart ache, and him too probably. If she can't decide between you and another guy, or isn't ready to be with you, it's probably just not totally there for her. She might like you a lot, but if it was meant to be she wouldn't be wavering so much like this. My recommendation is to forget her.... as best you can. Definitely move on and don't have contact with her.
XKatieX Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 Yeah even if in time she does want to come back to you, the fact is she cheated on you and she doesn't know what she wants, which in reality means it wasn't meant to be. Just gotta move on, and find someone who knows what they want.
GrayClouds Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 first superdude you need to start trying to believe your own screen name. Would any "Superdude" put up with being so f#ck around like that? Second why would she love and respect you if she knows she can f#ck you around like that anytime she wants? Read: So you want a second chance? stick to it, if you want any chance of walking through this with some dignity.
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