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I just Crashed and Burned


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Posted

DB, how did she take it when you spoke to her??

 

The way I see it you've laid your heart on the line in the e-mail, and at least you will know one way or another now which way the cookie crumbles, if she doesn't reply that will be one pretty clear answer, and if she does, well who knows...

 

Heartfelt e-mail man!

Posted
DB, how did she take it when you spoke to her??

 

The way I see it you've laid your heart on the line in the e-mail, and at least you will know one way or another now which way the cookie crumbles, if she doesn't reply that will be one pretty clear answer, and if she does, well who knows...

 

Heartfelt e-mail man!

Yup, far more gutsy than most people, to lay it on the line like that.

 

In knowing either way, your returns might potentially be that she gives you a second chance or that there was a reason why you went NC in the first place, which is to move on.

 

That's why I believe everyone should break NC just once. Most often, it's to reinforce their reasons to continue with it.

  • Author
Posted

I remembered her old password to her e-mail account and logged in to remove the last message before she would read it but she already did. However, I discovered correspondence between her and her best friend that basically showed she was cheating on my during the last week or two of our relationship.

 

To make matters worse, when she went out to Vegas in June (little over the halfway point for us) she cheated on me with another guy out there.

 

She's the type of woman that gets validation from men. I texted her and told her not to contact me, nor will I her because I have no room in my life for cheaters and liars.

 

I feel much better but now I have an entire history of our relationship just torn to pieces. It's as if the person I was with that entire time was not who I thought she was. I told her that the person I thought she was is now dead to me.

 

So that's that.

Posted

So that's that.

 

dude.. you keep saying that then a day goes by and you pull something else..

 

You do realize that you just broke into her email account and did something illegal..

FuqK man.. you totally just invaded her privacy..

 

You are out of control....

 

You are cyber stalking her as well.. reading her personal emails is sooooo wrong....

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Posted

For the first time in my life after a breakup, I am thinking about just deleting the thousands of e-mails she sent over the past 7 years and getting rid of all traces of her. I think that is the best way to move forward because she is probably the worst woman I've ever known.

Posted
For the first time in my life after a breakup, I am thinking about just deleting the thousands of e-mails she sent over the past 7 years and getting rid of all traces of her. I think that is the best way to move forward because she is probably the worst woman I've ever known.

 

Good.. that will finally be taking hold of yourself and starting the healing process...

Posted

Wow, she's cheated on you in the past? And you took her back? This isn't the woman you've painted her to be, in your prior threads.

 

Had I known this, my advice would have been very different. :sick:

  • Author
Posted
Wow, she's cheated on you in the past? And you took her back? This isn't the woman you've painted her to be, in your prior threads.

 

Had I known this, my advice would have been very different. :sick:

 

No, the thing is I didn't know she cheated on me in the past. I just found out that she did that yesterday.

Posted
No, the thing is I didn't know she cheated on me in the past. I just found out that she did that yesterday.
Okay, that makes more sense. I'm sincerely sorry to hear about this, considering how highly you thought of her.

 

What a bitch. :mad:

 

Stalking can sometimes be worth it, in that people show who they are, not where others can see them but how they act when they don't think people are watching. :sick:

 

While you're in pain right now, you also must realize that you've dodged a silver bullet. Imagine still being with her years later and finding out about her cheating ways. People like this just make me want to vomit. :sick:

Posted

So sorry, I know how much that would shatter me.

 

 

I remembered her old password to her e-mail account and logged in to remove the last message before she would read it but she already did. However, I discovered correspondence between her and her best friend that basically showed she was cheating on my during the last week or two of our relationship.

 

To make matters worse, when she went out to Vegas in June (little over the halfway point for us) she cheated on me with another guy out there.

 

She's the type of woman that gets validation from men. I texted her and told her not to contact me, nor will I her because I have no room in my life for cheaters and liars.

 

I feel much better but now I have an entire history of our relationship just torn to pieces. It's as if the person I was with that entire time was not who I thought she was. I told her that the person I thought she was is now dead to me.

 

So that's that.

Posted (edited)
Oh, I know I will heal. I'm just referring to blowing any chance of reconciliation out of the water. Scorched Earth and all.

 

 

Denver Guy!

 

what is going on? i'm not going kick you while your'e down since you seem to be doing that to yourself,here i thought sending my ex a casual response e-mail with a few typos was a big deal, i had send him give him another short e-mail to correct that,I do that to all my friends.

Is this the ex that you havent seen in years?the one who e-mailed you out of the blue? If not why don't you forge a friendship with her?

 

don't worry about being human,if your ex has a problem with it, too bad for her. You have friends here,PM me if you wish,we'll all get you out of the Katrina deep waters that once blew my town New Orleans

Edited by selena_cat
Posted

DB

Whenever I was dumped I always got rid of everything and used to disappear off the face of the earth ASAP. Well the one who dumped me 3-4- months ago I just can't get this one out of my head. So your not the only one going through this.

Whenever I dumped a women I always has class. I find women are heartless in some cases. Men aren't. At least I'm not.LOL

 

 

For the first time in my life after a breakup, I am thinking about just deleting the thousands of e-mails she sent over the past 7 years and getting rid of all traces of her. I think that is the best way to move forward because she is probably the worst woman I've ever known.
  • Author
Posted
Denver Guy!

 

what is going on? i'm not going kick you while your'e down since you seem to be doing that to yourself,here i thought sending my ex a casual response e-mail with a few typos was a big deal, i had send him give him another short e-mail to correct that,I do that to all my friends.

Is this the ex that you havent seen in years?the one who e-mailed you out of the blue? If not why don't you forge a friendship with her?

 

don't worry about being human,if your ex has a problem with it, too bad for her. You have friends here,PM me if you wish,we'll all get you out of the Katrina deep waters that once blew my town New Orleans

 

Not this is the ex that broke up with me a month and a half ago.

Posted
I just ran into the ground like a Mig 21 doing Mach 2.1 right into the Earth. As a matter of fact, no man or woman on this board will ever in the history of **** ups be able to claim they crashed harder than me.

 

I spent a half hour on the phone with her pouring my heart out. Then, after not getting very far, I sent her an e-mail stating that I loved her to death and hoped we could reconcile. I believe I sent the e-mail because I already realized it was fruitless and once you come to terms with the impossible, you're willing to dive into an empty pool and then laugh after you wake up in the hospital (if you wake up?).

 

So, for all you good people out there -- no matter how much you screw up a chance of reconciliation, you will NEVER -- and I mean EVER -- come close to going out with the style and class I did. I mean I just rammed into the ground like an asteroid hell-bent in destroying the Earth.

 

So rejoice in knowing that -- out of all the "reconciliation" rules out there. You will never break any of them as horribly as I have tonight.

 

BUT .... I laid my heart out in the middle of the road and I'm good with that. So many cars will drive right over it but, in the end, I can say with enthusiasm, "Screw it -- She knows exactly how I feel and that's all I need to know."

 

I await the aftermath -- even though in the e-mail I said, "You need not reply."

 

Oh just wait for the juicy reply I get. It will make your life seem all the better.

 

Over and out! Don't ever send an e-mail or call someone when you are drunk. The amount of carnage from this will be nothing short of astro-****ing-nomical.

 

This will rank up there with supernova explosions. You all have a front-row seat. So get comfortable, order popcorn and await the follow-up. You will absolutely LOVE seeing how good your chances become after comparing them to mine. (What's that between slim and none? Oh wait? What's that between none and ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR ****ING MIND?)

 

Denver...u give great insight and advice...maybe you should listen to yourself sometimes ;) Although we all know that can be hard.

Posted
Well I guess a part of my brain wanted to crash it into the ground because I was getting tired of the what if's and the "might haves" ... I just looked at it like hammering the final nail into the coffin. Some part of my brain just snapped and said, "ok, you've had your time, now we're moving in to take care of it."

 

That's pretty much it. I'm not going to contact her ever again unless she contacts me. I'm just glad I put it all out there and then stepped off. Because the best thing about that is -- it's not like I didn't lay it on the line and had stuff open to chance -- no matter how slim the chance ever was. :)

 

I agree with that. Often people make breaking NC seem as though your life will come to an end---:rolleyes:...no it won't. Either you will hear something you want to hear or something that hurts you BUT atleast you would have known you did ALL you could, then you can continue NC with more confidence and without (or atleast less of) the nagging "what ifs", "but I didnt say this", "I shouldv'e done that" etc.

 

Once you say all you have to say then you can truly go into NC with more chances of keeping it as now you know that they know everthing and the ball is in their court...and you're less likely to be worried about not making yourself clear or not saying this that or the third.

 

So yea... you'll be alright. This nailed things in the coffin for you so hopefully now you can start doing better.

Posted
At some point, all of us crash and burn. I went strict NC for 6 months with my ex and when I (foolishly) thought myself strong enough, I allowed a conversation with him. In that conversation I found out that he cheated on me, that he wasn't the man I valorised him to be and that he had no remorse for dumping me by email after 5 years together; he just was sad that we weren't friends anymore. It hit me hard. After being okay for close to 5 months, I suddenly found myself sobbing all over again. I could barely catch my breath. I could not even formulate sentences to my friends and I went through a mountain of tissues. At the time, I honestly thought that I was "relapsing". But after 2 days of hard gut wrenching, body wracking crying, I found my closure and I let it all go. For me I needed to crash before I could move on. When I mentally made the decision to move on, I was okay after that.

 

You will get to a point where one day you'll be completely indifferent to your ex. You just might need to stumble and fall a bit before finding your footing again. You will find your own footing .

 

 

Beautifully said! :)

Posted

DB, we have all done things with an ex that we regret and we wish we could take back. Even though you have totally burned this bridge, as again many of us have done with our exes, this is just one person out of a world of over 4 billion. Still plenty of opportunities to learn from your mistakes and get it right with someone else.

 

Now that you have that out of your system, you truly need real help to understand why you are doing this to yourself and help you to stop. Stop being so hard on yourself, forget the past and move on! But please, seek some help before this consumes your life.

 

All the best, DB!

  • Author
Posted
DB, we have all done things with an ex that we regret and we wish we could take back. Even though you have totally burned this bridge, as again many of us have done with our exes, this is just one person out of a world of over 4 billion. Still plenty of opportunities to learn from your mistakes and get it right with someone else.

 

Now that you have that out of your system, you truly need real help to understand why you are doing this to yourself and help you to stop. Stop being so hard on yourself, forget the past and move on! But please, seek some help before this consumes your life.

 

All the best, DB!

 

Thank you. However the knew knowledge of how she acted during our relationship feels as though it has propelled me 3 extra months in healing. Instead of previously looking at it like, "What does this mean, what does that mean, will we reconcile, is there a chance, etc." ... i now take on the attitude of putting together the pieces of the puzzle. It's like knowing now that you have all the pieces but playing with them to see how they fit together.

 

For instance, when she cheated on me when she went to Vegas, I had absolutely now realization or knowledge of that. Since she went with her married sister and some friends, I just assumed it was a grand "girl's night out." In retrospect now, I remember her coming home one evening and talking to her best friend on the phone while staying in her car. I figured -- screw it, she wants some privacy. But in hindsight, that was only because she wanted to talk behind my back and tell her best friend about her tales in Vegas. So I gain that knowledge moving forward and realize that there are generally ulterior motives when someone in your life does things away from you like that.

 

I just always took on the nice guy approach and trusted her completely. I now see why some men are so controlling over their women -- exactly because of **** like this. It makes perfect sense NOW, but had I not known what really happened, I would have never been able to put the pieces together.

 

What's weird is that, even though I know she is depressed and possibly bi-polar and that she cheated on me, I still love her to death. I guess when you choose to give someone your unconditional love, it never diminishes.

 

I keep pouring backwards and forwards over our time together and I try to pick out the great moments while also trying to look at the bigger picture.

 

It is a really weird journey, but the pain I feel is different. I'm not hurting for me that much -- I'm hurting for her.

 

I guess this doesn't make much sense.

Posted

Bro, Youre making me nervous . I have been writing letters in order to get a final one writen to send to my ex. are you telling me I should not sent it to her ? I also want to tell her how I feel.Your situation sound like mine. My ex cheated on me 4 times, in 10 years. You should now leave her alone .Maybe ina year she come back . She needs to beg you to taker her back. Thats what Im going to do I dont want you or I to become a door mat .

Posted

The Male ego is a fragile thing . Remember this- if you are looking in the rear view mirror to see what you left behind, you are'nt keeping your eyes on the road and your going to get lost... Hmmm....

Posted
Oh, I know I will heal. I'm just referring to blowing any chance of reconciliation out of the water. Scorched Earth and all.

 

What if it actualy works . It sound like you dont know for sure that its over.

Posted
Here's a thread that greatly exemplifies the glaring difference between men and women.

 

For the men, it's all about pride/ego and holding onto your nutsack. This is tantamount, over any opportunity towards a second chance.

 

 

Here's one woman's view:

  1. If she still loves you, she'll fold like a cheap suit after reading an email like that.
  2. If she still loves you but is convinced the two of you aren't compatible, she'll hold to her guns, for you to move on.
  3. If she's a bitch, she'll keep you hanging on for perpetuity.
  4. If she's a bitch, she might cheat with you, while still holding onto the other guy.
  5. If she's more invested in the other guy, she'll shut you down.

No risk, no return. Which bullet chamber will be empty or full?

 

I'm completely in agreement here. If I as a woman still loved a guy and he wrote me an e-mail like this, I'd be putty in his hands and trying things again. Hell I did it with my ex-fiance. I was certain beyond doubt that we weren't meant for each other, and he started saying things similar to your letter and backing it up with actions. It was hard not to just jump right back in to our R but I eventually did get back together with him.

 

If she doesn't love you, you won't get a word back of support, and you'll know to just move on. If she doesn't love you, then nothing you could've done would change her mind. Rest easy knowing that.

 

Now, NC is best so you can just get over her. No hoping or looking back b/c at least you have an answer now. So sorry you're going through this, and for the record, I just crashed and burned about 20 seconds ago. :o

Posted (edited)

Blue Straps as well as Denver,

I'm sure somewhere inside you,you deserve better than that. Blue, Don't send that letter. come on guys,we gals here look up to you for guy advice,hold your head up high and don't send anymore letters to cheaters,is that the kind of women you prefer, untrustworthy ones? then that Sherry Argov book rings true when saying that "men prefer B's"

Do yourselves big favors,Go NC all the way,a New year comming,and while you're at it, throw a bit of catnip my way...

Edited by selena_cat
  • Author
Posted

We're still strong. I just ran up to a fork in the road and suddenly had much more information about the woman I was dating by doing something I should not have done but did and I don't regret it. I guess the ends do justify the means occasionally. Perhaps I'll be getting a restraining order in the mail -- who knows. Actually, that would be pretty amusing since we live in the same building and use the elevators.

 

She's just very lost and derives most of her happiness through relationships. The funny thing is that I was the one that also had problems. I came out to Colorado knowing she had a troubled history with guys and has been with quite a few in her life. However she gave me the right song and dance and I put my heart out on the line to trust her and move forward with her.

 

The stupid thing is that we turn off our "BS Radar" when we get into a relationship with someone and all kinds of **** slips through our defences without our realization. It is nice to be able to look back into the past and see how this connected to that knowing what I know now.

 

It does dissolve the essence of the entire relationship. It's hard enough when your future together gets shattered -- but then to have a rocket fire backwards in time and shatter that, too. At least some people get to say, "I have those great memories."

 

After I read about her little escapade in Vegas, I suddenly went back to memories and saw them transforming, mutating into something different.

 

I'm just trying to pick up a couple of happy shards somewhere -- trying to find some period that was safe from the toxicity. But there are none -- she is not the woman I thought she is.

Posted

"No Contact" is the magic pill! Nothing can do the things it can do. Not only does it give you a clearer picture of your ex who has absolutely no respect for you; it also allows you to gain back your on self respect. Stop fighting "No Contact" and let the magic pill work. Once you regain your self respect you will be amazed that you ever let someone treat you so badly. It is time to man-up and push her to the curb! Let her go and be someone else's nightmare. Brother you deserve to be with someone who appreciates and loves you. However, the biggest lesson learned from all this is that it is very important to put yourself and your feelings first. When people see that you truly value yourself, your integrity and dignity they will have no choice but to respect you.

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