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Posted (edited)

**Whoops, My Story - Not Store - Haha**

 

First of all, hello LoveShack! I have been going through a tough time in life regarding the loss of my significant other. I have found some great information on this site and decided to share my story.

 

The purpose, like many others here, is for me to not only learn from my mistakes, but potentially right my wrongs.

 

So without further adieu I give you my story.

 

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My story begins over four years ago in college when my met my then to be significant other on our first day of class.

 

Dating and courting went very well and we quickly fell deeply in love together.

 

Like any relationship, we had our fights and arguments, small breaks ups that lasted at most a couple days. All said and done our relationship was healthy and loving.

 

The relationship progressed smoothly and we ended up moving in together and lived together for almost two years.

 

With the home buying incentive we both decided to move back with our parents and save until we could afford a home.

 

One evening my ex came over and we began to talk about our future. My ex wanted to know, after four years mind you, whether or not "someday" I would marry them.

 

After dating for four years, I deemed the question valid, as I think anyone would have to.

 

This is where unfortunately things take a turn for the worst.

 

I can make excuses or try to explain my rational but simply put my answer wasn't in the form of yes / no.

 

I knew I loved her and I knew I wanted to date her, but I couldn't find the answer she was looking for.

 

For reference, this question had been posed to be at least one time before with a similar answer.

 

One thing led to another and we both separated.

 

Again for reference, I am the dumper in this relationship.

 

I broke up with her because it wasn't fair to her if that was what she was looking for and needed that answer.

 

Initially she wanted to try the friend’s role right away. I loved and cared about my ex so I agreed to try. However, she pushed too hard. Finally about two to three weeks ago I broke contact.

 

I deleted my ex and all of my ex's friends off facebook and wouldn't respond to my ex's calls or texts. This lasted about a week. I was given a lot of advice by a lot of people that this was the right thing to do...

 

However, through the process I began to rethink my decisions. I was able to think about life and the lessons I had learned by going through this process. This is where the reality really hit me...

 

Not only do I still love my ex, I want to marry my ex someday.

 

Now, one might think, hey, now you both want the same thing. Hooray!

 

WRONG!

 

I started limited contact and really wanted to talk to my ex in person. However, my ex wasn't having it.

 

I did what many of us have; I broke down in tears in front of my ex and poured my heart out about how I had made mistakes and what I had learned from the process.

 

My ex wasn't having it... any of it. I tried to give my ex "space" and stuck to limited contact. Simple texts here or there, generally with responses mind you.

 

I felt the need to right my wrongs, sent my ex and their family a simple Thanksgiving card nothing more than general well wishing. Furthermore, I talked to a couple of our mutual friends and asked for advice.

 

My ex is very angry at me about what has happened, but I know my ex still cares.

 

I re initiated no contact after leaving a message that basically said if you ever want to talk I'm here.

 

I know the card and the call went over well, as I was told by one of the mutual friends.

 

Thus ended my story to date...

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So, now what am I looking to LoveShack for help with you may ask?

 

I'm looking for a way to write out my feelings and share them with people who have similar experiences and can help me figure out this dark chapter in my life.

 

I'm looking for advice on what to do also...

Edited by Kantor
  • Author
Posted

Sorry.. I realize that was kind of long so I'll give the summary version for the quick readers...

 

Dated four years, lived together for two.

I broke up because I wasn't ready to make a commitment for life.

She tried the friends thing, it didn't work.

 

Went to NC.

 

I had time to go through the grieving process and decided I wanted to try again after realizing what a special person this was I had before.

 

Went to LC.

 

LC went well at first then my ex got upset, scared I would push them away, I went back to NC.

 

Sitting in NC.

 

This is still a relativity new breakup, about a month an a half ago, first NC cycle started three weeks ago.

 

Last contact was less then a week ago

(So i know I need to give NC more time)

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Do I wait in NC for them to contact?

 

Do I give NC an amount of time then try LC again?

 

Do I stop giving myself hope and just move on?

 

What to do!

Posted

How old are you?

  • Author
Posted

Old enough to know I've made a large mistake in my life, young enough to potentially find someone else. (Even though, at this point I don't want to)

 

I'm well into my twenties.

  • Author
Posted

It comes down to, due to a problem with commitment, we broke up.

Now shes moved on, so she says, and says she can't go back. (Can't say I blame her)

 

I know shes hurt and angry as the wounds are still very fresh.

 

I initiated the NC after telling her, if when ever, i'll be here.

 

Should I give it a couple weeks, and try a coffee type date? If i get no contact?

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