My feelings started to fade, so we broke up.. but now all I want to do is talk to him

[fenderchick490]

So, my boyfriend and I were together for 11 months. He's 23, and I'm almost 19. I was completely and undeniably in love with him, and knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. We were perfect together.

But the past 3 months, I've been away at college, 1.5 hours away from him. During the past month, my feelings for him started to fade. I felt weird kissing him and saying sweet things to him, and I was getting mad at him for every little thing. I know I still love him and care for him, and want him to be happy, but I just don't think I love him enough.. which isn't fair to him.

I told him right away when I started feeling like this, and we were trying to figure out why it was happening. We tried doing new and exciting things, and doing things that we did together at the beginning of our relationship. Nothing was working. We ended up becoming unhappy, and decided to break up two days ago. Even though it was mutual, it was still because of me that we broke up.

Now, all I can think about it how much I want to talk to him, and hear his voice.

Is this normal? Or does it mean that maybe it was wrong for me to break it off at the moment?

 

Also, it was my first intimate relationship, so I don't really know how it's supposed to feel when you're with someone, or after you break up.

[Josh87]

It is my understanding that you will always have feelings for your first love. I would suggest doing things to keep your mind off him.

[Boundary Problem]

You miss the companionship.

 

It isn't fair to him to break up with him, and then expect him to chit chat two days later as a friend.

 

When you and he can talk about new boyfriends and girlfriends and there is a reasonable level of comfort between the two of you to have that discussion, then you can be just friends/companions.

 

Most couples don't get to that level of comfort. So that is usually why ex's stay out of each other's lives.

 

 

Test: If he had a new girlfriend and wanted to talk about her - could you be a friend and listen and be helpful? Could he do the same? If not - leave him alone and find other friends.

[fenderchick490]

Thanks for you help, but by being separated, we actually realized there there underlying problems in our relationship that caused me to push away and be unhappy. So we're back together and as happy as ever