Dinosaurs, Dances and perpetual transitory deterioration...

[GrayClouds]

It's fun like poking your eye with a stick.

 

A weekend of deterioration. If you do some carbon 14 dating on me you can place me about 10 years closer to my extinction. It appears a metaphoric meteor has been heaved from the heavens to to reek havoc. While I am still standing it did create climacteric interpersonal climate.

 

The problem with progress is the regression's return is an ambush. You think you beyond it, or if not beyond that surely can handle it; a couple bad hours maybe even a bad night. But you done this, no problem... wipe your nose, adjust your hate and move on. But NOOoooooooooooooo.

 

Strike up the band, get those pedal steel guitars and fiddles playing for another round of the whole 5 stages square dance of grief. Yes the music uninspiring and repetitious but for some reason it still pulls at ye' old heartstrings.

 

But quickly this hillbilly hoedown of heartache progressed to be a promenade of unproductive self probing. Why? It's over and done, water under the bridge. People behaviors is about them not you. It been month's. You should be happy you get to live a exciting new life...ok not so much new but different one...ok not so much different but return to the familiar one...ok not so much familiar but more like a slow slog to extirpation.

 

But that's ok, wasn't the Dali Lama who said happiness is the alignment of expectations with reality. I guess I need to lower my expectations...some more. I am not looking for that trophy wife, just someone who can hold my attention and love's honestly. I am not looking for the perfect job, just something the as a sense of security and a bit of challenge, I am not looking for the big house on the hill, just place that feels like home. But well hello Dali, are you telling me that my expectation are to high? So is alignment panhandling with my imaginary friend out of a cardboard box. Maybe the cardboard box is reaching to high.

 

I wish this whole experience was just about missing someone, no it becomes about finding someone who I already thought I found. You can only change so much, so spend some years to get to the point of liking who you are. I did, I celebrate my strengths and live with the imperfection, none are a deal breaker. But still if the one constant in your consternation is "you" , whats left? A late bloomer, not so concerned about...dieing on the vine, increasing so.

[The Collector]

I think a thesaurus just became sentient, then got drunk.

[USMCHokie]

I wish this whole experience was just about missing someone, no it becomes about finding someone who I already thought I found.

 

 

^ This....

[Trinitron]

GC, its funny you brought this up today, while its only been a week since I finally broke off the...............whatever it was, it wasn't a relationship.

After feeling pretty decent the last couple off days, today didn't work out to well, I've been using the beater company car, the one that she used for a month or so, I'm putting some stuff in the back and found something of hers, thats all it took, I've been numb all day.

 

"Happiness is the alignment of expectations with reality"

Whoa..............just whoa.The statement speaks for itself, and you know what? It kinda hurts.

My parents have always said I only go for the pretty one's.

Maybe that was they're way of saying, "Son, you're not all that."

 

I've got the same vibe as you do the only difference is the sqaure dance music sounds more like the Cure, and I've yet to readjust my hate,(I'm still working to get it white hot).

 

Right now I'm mired in a bottomless pit of self loathing, at this point it looks like I'll have to settle, or be alone the rest of my life, right now neither one looks all that appealling.

Trinitron

[TaraMaiden]

.....wasn't the Dali Lama who said happiness is the alignment of expectations with reality. I guess I need to lower my expectations...some more. ..... But well hello Dali, are you telling me that my expectation are to high?

 

(It's 'DalAi'......)

 

And -

You don't get it.

It's not that your expectations are too high.

It's that you shouldn't have them at all.

No preconceptions, no apprehensiveness, no - desire for a specific outcome.

Just acceptance.

Life isn't dreadful.

Life isn't wonderful.

Life is because we decide it is.... dreadful, or wonderful.

It's your perception of your experience which determines whether the experience is wonderful, or dreadful.

 

Like the two boys wandering around a barn, in their new shoes.... one exclaims and despairs that his shoes are getting filthy, and it stinks, and why are they doing this anyway?

And the other is excited and alive with anticipation - because hell, with all this 5h1t, there has to be a p[ony here somewhere!

 

Same situation, same environment, same conditions, different perceptions.

Change your perception.

The rest will follow.

 

 

 

I wish this whole experience was just about missing someone, no it becomes about finding someone who I already thought I found.

if you attach your state of happiness to the presence of anyone else, the pain of ultimately losing them - no matter which way - will be far more painful than needs be. Your happiness is not dependent on the presence of a significant other.

Your happiness is dependent on your full attention and presence on your life, NOW.

 

You can only change so much, so spend some years to get to the point of liking who you are. I did, I celebrate my strengths and live with the imperfection, none are a deal breaker. But still if the one constant in your consternation is "you" , whats left? A late bloomer, not so concerned about...dieing on the vine, increasing so.

Well, just don't die with a life half-lived, because you mistakenly believe someone else has to supply the other half.

Your life should be whole, with you.

A person will love you wholly, when they see how whole you are.

[threebyfate]

Grayclouds,

1. Knock her off the pedestal since she never deserved to be on it, in the first place, since it's an unfair position to place anyone.
   
2. You are not old and your life isn't wasting away.
   
3. You will one day move on.
   
4. You will find someone new and love again.
   

I'm sad that there was no real discussion about dinosaurs. They're one of the most amazing creatures to ever have walked this Earth.

[GrayClouds]

And she come riding in on a horse called truth...

 

(It's 'DalAi'......)

 

And -

You don't get it.

It's not that your expectations are too high.

It's that you shouldn't have them at all.

No preconceptions, no apprehensiveness, no - desire for a specific outcome.

Just acceptance.

Life isn't dreadful.

Life isn't wonderful.

Life is because we decide it is.... dreadful, or wonderful.

It's your perception of your experience which determines whether the experience is wonderful, or dreadful.

 

Like the two boys wandering around a barn, in their new shoes.... one exclaims and despairs that his shoes are getting filthy, and it stinks, and why are they doing this anyway?

And the other is excited and alive with anticipation - because hell, with all this 5h1t, there has to be a p[ony here somewhere!

 

Same situation, same environment, same conditions, different perceptions.

Change your perception.

The rest will follow.

 

Point made,again...note to self.

 

if you attach your state of happiness to the presence of anyone else, the pain of ultimately losing them - no matter which way - will be far more painful than needs be. Your happiness is not dependent on the presence of a significant other.

Your happiness is dependent on your full attention and presence on your life, NOW.

 

Well, just don't die with a life half-lived, because you mistakenly believe someone else has to supply the other half.

Your life should be whole, with you.

A person will love you wholly, when they see how whole you are.

 

I completely concur with your charge but I plead not guilty. I am not looking for happiness from another and actually state if the was the issue the solution would be so much more accessible. You find replacement which is not a solution but a distraction or learn to appreciate yourself. Which as ways a work in progress I will suggest for me it is not not perfected but is pretty well in place.

 

So why bemoan? It is the full attention and presents to my life now that is creating the internal conflict. I understand happiness is allusive but contentment with now should not be. The fact that despite, may be inspire, of my efforts to perceive the possibility of a pony is inappreciable.

 

So you will say, "No preconceptions, no apprehensiveness, no - desire for a specific outcome" And I would say. "Even if I liked it, I do not think I could some that much pot".

 

So how to have an uninterested investment...

[GrayClouds]

Grayclouds,

1. Knock her off the pedestal since she never deserved to be on it, in the first place, since it's an unfair position to place anyone.
   
2. You are not old and your life isn't wasting away.
   
3. You will one day move on.
   
4. You will find someone new and love again.
   

I'm sad that there was no real discussion about dinosaurs. They're one of the most amazing creatures to ever have walked this Earth.

 

1. I can say she is not on any pedestal, which may be one or the reason she left.

2. Amen sister, still a healthy concern not fulfilling its potential.

3. I may move on but there I will be.

and 4. Your lips to dog's ears, and if not that is ok too as long as number 2 materialize. (I know Tara there I go with expectations again)

[GrayClouds]

I'm sad that there was no real discussion about dinosaurs. They're one of the most amazing creatures to ever have walked this Earth.

 

I try to work the dinosaurs angle harder on the next rant:)

Edited December 2, 2009 by GrayClouds

[TaraMaiden]

And she come riding in on a horse called truth...

Truth is a horse that can never be tamed....

 

(. . .)

So why bemoan? It is the full attention and presents to my life now that is creating the internal conflict. I understand happiness is allusive but contentment with now should not be. The fact that despite, may be inspire, of my efforts to perceive the possibility of a pony is inappreciable.

That is because you hold tension, and therefore try to hold the moment.

Relax.

Stop putting useless effort into an exercise which is futile.

Instead of trying to hold - maintain, prolong, cling to - the moment - let it go, let it pass, and go onto the next one.

 

After all....

 

What choice do you have?

 

 

 

So you will say, "No preconceptions, no apprehensiveness, no - desire for a specific outcome" And I would say. "Even if I liked it, I do not think I could some that much pot".

So how to have an uninterested investment...

 

Never lose your interest.

It's losing interest that makes you careless.

Pay Attention.

Fully.

The lack of contentment is because you attempt to cling to the moment past, or crave the moment to come.

 

What about the moment 'NOW'?

This is where contentment lies.

The appreciation.

The serenity.

The serendipity.

 

Looking at what is happening right now - and appreciating fully that we can be absolutely nowhere else, ever...

 

There is no better place than here.

There is no better time, than now.

 

Every minute you spend complaining, is a full 60 seconds in which you could have been having a good time.

 

Try getting that minute back, and see what 'impossible' means.

[leap83]

Instead of trying to hold - maintain, prolong, cling to - the moment - let it go, let it pass, and go onto the next one.

 

The lack of contentment is because you attempt to cling to the moment past, or crave the moment to come.

 

What about the moment 'NOW'?

This is where contentment lies.

The appreciation.

The serenity.

The serendipity.

 

Looking at what is happening right now - and appreciating fully that we can be absolutely nowhere else, ever...

 

There is no better place than here.

There is no better time, than now.

 

Every minute you spend complaining, is a full 60 seconds in which you could have been having a good time.

 

Try getting that minute back, and see what 'impossible' means.

 

Above. She said everything quite nicely. That's where you have to be GC. That's where I am right now. And I don't even know how I got to it - I never really tried. I just did. So, relax, enjoy every minute, do something different every second.... fill your day with randomness if you have to...

 

It'll get better. Oh yes... and don't have expectations.

[GrayClouds]

Truth is a horse that can never be tamed... but give a strong, kind soul alift...

 

 

 

There is no better place than here.

There is no better time, than now.

 

 

So what exercise is not futile. Yes I run 20 miles a week, for what... to die healthy? Yes the past is the past but it also impacts today and tomorrow. Is the impact a choice? As much as pulling your hand from a unexpected hot skillet is a choice. These past event has played a role defining how I am, but positive and negative. Generally both at the same time. But it is not holding on to them but being aware of them. Sometime that awareness is not enjoyable but to ignoring it would not being giving it's respect and appreciation.

 

I would love appreciation, serenity and serendipity but they are difficult children to play with when the ground has lost it support, standing in quicksand during a earthquake while villagers are throwing stones. Old instinct kicks in, which begins with looking for a vein.

 

Yes I am backsliding for a bit, so why?

 

As much as I want to embrace this moment and enjoy, this moment becoming repetitious, it is not unique, less the good and like a flower that turns to the sun, I want to turn from this darkness. I been here and there's not much more to learn from this fellow.

 

So did I learn bad habits by wanting more, not accepting the common critiques of my capabilities, predefined definitions of who I am to move away from hurtful environments?

Edited December 2, 2009 by GrayClouds

[shadowplay]

I think a thesaurus just became sentient, then got drunk.

 

:lmao:.......

[TaraMaiden]

Truth is a horse that can never be tamed... but give a strong, kind soul alift...

 

"I can go just as far with two...."

 

 

 

 

So what exercise is not futile. Yes I run 20 miles a week, for what... to die healthy?

No, hopefully, you've done your research and you know how good running is for you.

But maybe you've done research and discovered that running has less agreeable side effects too. This is the sign of an open, inquisitive and balanced mind, isn't it?

 

Yes the past is the past but it also impacts today and tomorrow.

Thank goodness...

 

Is the impact a choice?

No.

How you perceive its impact, is the chopice.

 

As much as pulling your hand from a unexpected hot skillet is a choice. These past event has played a role defining how I am, but positive and negative.

No.

The past has played out, and you've chosen the route to manifest the effect of its impact, in a positive or negative way....

 

Generally both at the same time. But it is not holding on to them but being aware of them. Sometime that awareness is not enjoyable but to ignoring it would not being giving it's respect and appreciation.

 

What are you respecting?

What are you appreciating?

Something unattainable, unreachable, untouchable.

The Past is a foreign country.

You can't go there.

so leave it there.

Whilst you are busy quietly focussing on the past, respecting and appreciating it, are you maybe forgetting you are creating more Past right now?

Are you then going to lodge this in the filing cabinet and respect and appreciate this too?

Isn't that a waste of the Present?

 

 

I would love appreciation, serenity and serendipity but they are difficult children to play with when the ground has lost it support, standing in quicksand during a earthquake while villagers are throwing stones. Old instinct kicks in, which begins with looking for a vein.

 

GC, GC, GC....

Just as all the above imagery is the fruit of your own imagination..... you know what I'm going to say don't you.....?

 

Yes I am backsliding for a bit, so why?

because it's safe, comfortable and gives rise to your Ego which we enjoy feeding.

Tell me it doesn't feed your ego about to wallow and feel sorry for yourself.

I do it all the time.

but I give myself a limit, and actually stand back and watch myself do it. I end up laughing so loud, my friends think I'm losing the plot.

Could be I am.... But I know me so well.....

 

 

As much as I want to embrace this moment and enjoy, this moment becoming repetitious, it is not unique, less the good and like a flower that turns to the sun, I want to turn from this darkness. I been here and there's not much more to learn from this fellow.

Oh you have no idea how ignorant you still are.

And I say that with genuine affection and much love, GC....

 

So did I learn bad habits by wanting more, not accepting the common critiques of my capabilities, predefined definitions of who I am to move away from hurtful environments?

 

Predefined definitions?

 

Predefined?

By whom?

definitions?

Of what?

 

Who you are?

WHO YOU ARE....??

 

Who are you??

[GrayClouds]

because it's safe, comfortable and gives rise to your Ego which we enjoy feeding.

Tell me it doesn't feed your ego about to wallow and feel sorry for yourself.

I do it all the time.

but I give myself a limit, and actually stand back and watch myself do it. I end up laughing so loud, my friends think I'm losing the plot.

Could be I am.... But I know me so well.....

 

You may be right about this too, but I do not see it. I know what strokes my ego, and this isn't doing it. Actually it may be the lack of it...

 

Oh you have no idea how ignorant you still are.

I suspect I have more then an idea

 

And I say that with genuine affection and much love, GC....

Always;)

 

Who are you??

 

Thanks, leave me with that little question...

 

Edited December 2, 2009 by GrayClouds

[rp123]

You can always trust Tara to turn up and give you a good kick in the balls when its needed......

 

What a gal.....!

[soheartbroken]

I don't know. If living in the moment was so easy, no one would be in so much pain, and no one would be on LS.

 

Fact is breaking up hurts the one who gets left behind. We can't shut off our thoughts and emotions no matter how much philosophizing we do. We can't always fully control the impact. We can't always use reason to ease our pain.

 

Life is full of losses and we have to live (or choose not to I suppose) with the pain of loss. Sometimes it's about tolerating rather than a quick fix.

 

Simply trying to change our perception isn't a cure-all. "Oh, wow, this breakup is the best thing that ever could have happened to me because it will open my eyes to new possibilities!". Good luck holding onto that thought.

 

But I do wish I could appreciate each moment a little more. I dunno, I'm sitting on a couch typing on LS. How do I appreciate this?

 

I should try a meditation exercise or something.

[TaraMaiden]

I don't know. If living in the moment was so easy, no one would be in so much pain, and no one would be on LS.

Actually, the blinding simplicity is breathtaking.

It really is that simple, yes.

but never - never - have I ever said it was easy.

That's precisely why everyone IS in so much pain, and IS on LS....

 

 

Fact is breaking up hurts the one who gets left behind. We can't shut off our thoughts and emotions no matter how much philosophizing we do.

Where have I said or implied you should shut off thoughts and emotions?

Absolutely not.

I have never said that....

What we tend to do when we feel pain is to shy away from it, try to avoid it and deny it space.

Big mistake.

Huge.

The most important thing is to absolutely be right in the middle of them, and engage with them, fully, head on.

Feel them right to your very centre.

Then gently, pull them to pieces, bit by bit, micron by micron.

Until you discover where they come from, and what generates them.

 

We can't always fully control the impact.

True.

We can't always use reason to ease our pain.

False.

 

Life is full of losses and we have to live (or choose not to I suppose) with the pain of loss. Sometimes it's about tolerating rather than a quick fix.

There is no "quick fix".... If you think I meant that, then you are mistaken.

if that's not what you're implying, there is no quick fix for the emotion we manifest.....

 

Simply trying to change our perception isn't a cure-all. "Oh, wow, this breakup is the best thing that ever could have happened to me because it will open my eyes to new possibilities!". Good luck holding onto that thought.

"trying" isn't "doing".

And nowhere, again, have I ever stated you should completely reverse the perception and consider something so obviously painful, as pleasurable.

That's idiotic, self-defeating, self-deceiving and self-denying.

What I'm talking about is not tolerance. What I'm talking about, is acceptance.

 

If you have a problem, and there is a solution, what's the point in crying about it?

If you have a problem, and there is no solution, what's the use in crying about it?

 

It's not the problem - the break-up, the rift, the dumping, the separation - that is the problem.

It is how we appraise the impact and decide, within our lives, how we are going to contend with the situation that has arisen. Both practically and emotionally.

 

 

But I do wish I could appreciate each moment a little more. I dunno, I'm sitting on a couch typing on LS. How do I appreciate this?

 

What better place than here?

What better time than now?

 

(Psssst...wherever you go, whenever you go, you are always 'here' and it is always 'now'....)

 

I should try a meditation exercise or something.

Wonderful idea!

permit me to join you........!!

[trueblue72ny]

the hillbilly hoedown square dance of grief? i am rolling! :laugh:

[soheartbroken]

I don't even know how to respond. What the heck ARE we supposed to do? On the one hand you're saying we can bypass the pain by simply perceiving things differently, on the other hand you're saying not to deny or shy away from the pain (which I tend to agree with - not with the perception idea).

 

How in world can you convince me that we can always use reason to ease our pain?

 

But anyway, I love Xena. Always wanted to tell you.

[TaraMaiden]

I don't even know how to respond. What the heck ARE we supposed to do? On the one hand you're saying we can bypass the pain by simply perceiving things differently,

 

No, no, no.... I have never said that.

I am merely pointing out that the point of origin of the pain, is you, not the person we perceive hurting us.

Pain wells within you.

That's a given.

It feels real, and is present.

but they don't cause it.

They trigger it, but the perpetuation - the clinging, the constancy of the pain, and its duration - is up to you.

You are your own control centre.

 

You need to shift the focus from whom you perceive to be to blame, to the source of the pain.

The source, ultimately, is your mind.

That's where all our perceptions originate.

 

Nobody enters your mind to generate this pain, repeatedly.

Of course you must experience it, because of outside events.

 

How long you feel it for, to what intensity, to what degree you permit it to invade/control/govern your thoughts, words and deeds - is up to you and you alone.

 

 

on the other hand you're saying not to deny or shy away from the pain (which I tend to agree with - not with the perception idea).

 

How in world can you convince me that we can always use reason to ease our pain?

Oh, ok......What else do you have?

 

But anyway, I love Xena. Always wanted to tell you.

 

Ah.

 

That's GrayCloud's doing.....he has such a way with words, and now bestows an identity crisis upon me....

 

[TaraMaiden]

You may be right about this too, but I do not see it. I know what strokes my ego, and this isn't doing it. Actually it may be the lack of it...

 

I guess I should elaborate really.

We here in the West, tend to associate an Ego with being a big-head, having an over-inflated opinion of one's self....

I was really loosely referring to it more in its original context....

 

e·go

n. pl. e·gos

1. The self, especially as distinct from the world and other selves.

 

2. In psychoanalysis, the division of the psyche that is conscious, most immediately controls thought and behavior, and is most in touch with external reality.

 

The feeling of pain, makes us feel real. If we have an experience, it must be happening, and happening to us.....and because it makes us feel, and gives us validation, of a sort.... we keep feeling it.

 

But - it royally sucks.

 

the rest, I've already told you.