HeavenOrHell Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 No, seriously for me, it's wanting HIM as we click so well, know each other inside and out, we are ourselves with each other, I feel lonely because I want HIM, the loss I feel is for him and I want what we had back. That is why I posed the question. I think we need to identify that what we may really be dealing with is the feeling of loss and loneliness; not that we actually want our ex back.
HeavenOrHell Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 Good post hun, and I agree totally. Here we go with the "What ifs". Yes. I would take him back. But it's not about him coming back to me. It's about both of us meeting in the middle. It's what USMCHokie said here: And here: The thing about reconciliation that many don't get is the fact that you're broken up RIGHT NOW for A REASON. Many people want to get back with their ex instantly. No. Wrong decision. You really need to search for the reason as to WHY you 2 broke up. Analyze what happened in the relationship that wasn't working out. THEN you work on yourself first. Get your life back on track. Put yourself back together. And if there is that slight chance or if you left the door slightly open with your ex, you consider the second chance. However, they're NOT the same as you knew them before. This is NOT the same relationship as it was before. It is something completely new. It's like dating a new person. This time you're smarter. You know what did and did not work. You take that to your advantage and make sure those mistakes don't repeat. Before you even get back together, it's about sitting down and discussing the issues previously at hand. You HAVE to know how your ex felt, what they liked, disliked as much as they have to know the same things about you. You talk it out. You're honest and open. THEN you get back together. Why do people rush so much to get back together?! There is a whole life ahead of you and you rush in being with this person with unresolved issues so that you can break up yet AGAIN and go through even MORE pain than before?! That's why you LEARN from your mistakes. LEARN from experiences. That's what life is about. So, yes. I would love to be with my ex again and if we meet in the middle, some time in the future, I'll definitively consider it. I won't jump into it. But I will sit down and think about it. Only after all of the above has been addressed though and we're both happy/satisfied with answers and talk, and know what each of us wants out of the relationship. But that's a "what if". And I stopped thinking about what ifs a couple of days ago.
puppydog Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 I think there's something to be about couples who are able to forgive each other and want to try again. There must be love there. Granted for me, I tend to be more on the forgiving-too-much side so even though my ex hurt me a crap load/broke my heart a couple times and I still stayed. I would consider trying again if he were to come back...but only after we were able to talk everything out and if we had both changed. I think I've finally kicked him off the pedestal and see him for he really is, but it's the part of me that's still attached to him, that wants him back. The rational/mental/logical side of me KNOWS there's someone else MUCH better out there for me; just need to let the emotions fade out. I honestly think an ice cube has a better chance in hell than him ever asking for a second chance, but I think it's just natural ... this wishful thinking that he'd come back. Haha. But yeah, the answer to your question is yes...but totally conditional.
Sukichan Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 No, I don't think I'd take him back, unless there were some changes from his end as well. After being dumped, it opened my eyes to many different aspects of the relationship. Basically, he took me for granted, and made no real effort to keep the relationship going, AND he thinks the grass is greener on the other side... So yeah, there better be good changes from his side, or I wouldn't even consider a "second chance" with him.
kristinabopp Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 i would say YES! theres a saying that LOVE IS SWEETIER THE 2ND TIME AROUND. that will work if u and him will talk about the problems/mistake uve done before and willing to change for good for a better good healthy relationship. so yes, i will say YES! its been 3weeks of NC after the break up last dec.24th. and im still here suffering from depression, crying everyday, messed up, anxiety, daydreaming that he will come back, everything is so hard! everything is negative! thats what im going through right now.theres no day i didnt cry. every morning is so hard even all day is hard knowing that he left me.. weve been through so many stuff, EVEN THE TOUGH ONES! but he gave it up. he even told me not to give up on us. he beg me not to leave him, he told me he cant live without me, he always say that he loves me forever and for eternity *EVERYDAY*. i miss him so bad!so much! i love him sooo bad! i cant live without him. im so happy everyday when im with him, yea i get mad and stuff like that, but thats normal. we were each others first gf/bf, first in everything. weve been together for 1 year and 2 months and lived together as well.its hard to believe that he just dumped me like that after all we've been through. its weird because, the day before he broke up with me, he was so happy and excited to see me again*because his parents made me go back to my place because they said im a distraction to him, and i live across the country*.. but he was more excited than me! we planned everything eventhough his dad/brother heard him about going here to be with me. but either way he said he doesnt care because he realized that now that im far from him he doesnt care about what they think, he just want to be with me because he cant take being away from me.he proposed to me many timesand i said yes, he told me were goin to get married as soon as he gets here,everything is settled, for all i know is that he told me his love for me goes deeper everyday and he cant live without me.. AND THEN THE NEXT DAY HE BROKE UP! thats the worst nightmare of my life! i cant believe he end all of this!while yesterday were so happy. isnt that weird?! i beg for him many times.but he just said sorry and he will not talk to me not for the next 6months. im like wth! time limit? wow. thats really weird. but either way, my love for him goes deeper and deeper eventhough he hurt me so bad. im still willing to accept him because i love him. i even runaway just to be with him.. our love was a fairy tale. it was the best thing ever. now its all gone, and im still grieving on it. if only i could turn back time, I WILL! my friend had gone back to her X. after 2 years of NC! and im so proud of them.they were each others first too. and the guy left her, but then after that 2 yrs, the guy realized that he cant find any other girl like her. when i heard about them breaking up before, my friend was soo down. but now shes happy back with him eventhough they are on LDR. she was in london and the guy was in florida. but they are so strong. they said love/trust/faith/honesty is the key for a good and healthy relationship. im jealous of them because they are just strong enough that no one can ever break them. i know some people who came back with their X's and live happily ever after. i know some who didnt get over it and stayed single for the rest of their lives. love is the best thing ever, but it can hurt you BIG TIME and sometimes makes you even traumatized. but my point is, I WOULD SAY YES! i want him so much!i love him so much and i miss him like crazy! i might get mad at first but i really love him. i wont be able to find anyone like him. i love the way he loves me and i feel like i pushed him away.i know its all my fault why he broke up because im EVERYTHING, i want everything right now!*well thats what he said when he broke up with me online*. and i feel so bad coz it was my fault!i just cant stop blaming myself.! sometimes i even think, does he think of me? is it really that easy for him to just throw our relationship after all weve been through?does he miss me like crazy specially that he cried on my many times telling me that he cant see himself with anyone else? everything is just a question. and it hurts knowing that he just threw all of that away. it hurts big time and makes me wanna die right now. whats the point of living if hes not with me. and now that he is not with me, everyone around me hates me. i have like the worst life ever. that only him can give color into it... im just daydreaming that he will come back.. and i hope he does..
bananaboat11 Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 It's been 3 months.. + 1-2 weeks, not sure... I want her. I miss her. I will NOT take her back. I'm fairly confident she'll never come back. I know I say the majority do.. and I believe that. My ex is NOT one of the majority. She crazy.
LovelyDaze Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 How many of you, that have been broken up for 3 months or more, would take your ex back if they came back today? I had to think about it for some time... As hurt as I am, as often as I think about her, I don't know that I could. Too much has changed; too much has happened. I don't think I could look at her the same way. It would have to be something new with her and I don't know that I could ignore what has happened since to give it a chance. You? Hey sean1970! NO WAY!!!! Can't do it. I'd feel a sense of doom and horrific despair that he would drop me at any moment just like he did in October. I am feeling so good about my future and all I want from him is to learn the lessons of what he has done through sheer Karma. Not revenge, but that he has a moment that tells him, "Oh, being dumped sucks a**!!!"
Author sean1970 Posted January 15, 2010 Author Posted January 15, 2010 (edited) Hey sean1970! NO WAY!!!! Can't do it. I'd feel a sense of doom and horrific despair that he would drop me at any moment just like he did in October. I am feeling so good about my future and all I want from him is to learn the lessons of what he has done through sheer Karma. Not revenge, but that he has a moment that tells him, "Oh, being dumped sucks a**!!!" I was surprised to see this actually... I posted that over 45 days ago... don't think I have ever had a post revived I also don't know that I remember, all to well, the guy that posted it... While he knew it was over by that time, thoughts of her were separated by only minutes, breaths where still labored, eating was something I had to remember to do, sleeping through the evening was still something other people did. Today... maybe it is some random person passing with the same perfume... sometimes it's seeing someone with the same long auburn hair. TV shows, movies, songs, or some spontaneous event that reminds me of a joke that was only hers and mine. Yeah, I still think about her... While the pain fades, not all the memories go away and they are not supposed to. Every tear we shed in the past, as well as every smile, form who we are now... I any case, he is not where I am at today... Edited January 15, 2010 by sean1970
USMCHokie Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 I was surprised to see this actually... I any case, he is not where I am at today... I was surprised to see this thread come back to the top too...and I'm glad to hear that time really does help make things just a little bit better every day...good on ya...
annxxdisaster Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 Like everything else in life, it would depend.
DenverBachelor Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 I'd never take her back. I'm past that point. I've learned enough about her over the past two months to realize she wasn't the woman I thought she was. I'm excited to move forward with my life with a woman much better than she could ever hope to be. My only regret is that, for a few moments, she seemed to have the capability to be a truly great woman. It is sad to see someone's potential never realized because of someone's lack of passion.
amilyah Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 Dont think i could go back.I know i still love him,but the trust is gone.I would always be wondering where hes at and what hes doing.And i dont want a relationship where im always scared hes cheating again.
Tasha1675 Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 My ex and I broke up 3 months ago after being together for 2 years (he ended it). I would love to get back together with him and make a go of it but he would have to want to make it work and he would have to have gotten over his commitment worries. So it is unlikely that we will get back together as it is unlikely that he would have sorted out his issues in such a short space of time. He has made very lame contact - he emailed my best friend asking how I am and he told her that he still loves me but he wouldn't contact me as it would be for his own benefit. So it looks like although his feelings haven't changed about me, he hasn't changed at all! I really wish he'd get his act together but I have to say, I am in a much better place now - I have a great new job, and lots of things in my life that I was lacking when we were together so although I wish I still had him in my life, I can see that the break up was good for me in many ways as I am a lot happier with other areas of my life now.
Untamed21 Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 No. Never, ever. Even if I wish he would come back, admit he had made a mistake and apologise, that's all I want. An apology. I can't take him back. He hurt me too much and he was much too disrespectful. Even told me I deserved the abuse I had suffered in an earlier relationship, because I MUST have done something to provoke the guy. Never ever.
DenverBachelor Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 In a heartbeat. Dream of it every day. Is this the same guy that broke up with you and then you proceeded to throw everything out?
ralph1319 Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 its been almost a year for me.. would i take her back.. id love to say no but i wouild prob. take her back. we would have to get help and work on our problems but i would take her back..i think ive loved her way to long not to try to work it out but i wont be her door matt i will be a better person to her than i was before but i sure wont let her walk all over me.i think it'll be hard to fully get my trust back though.that might be a big problem.
EricaH329 Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 I'm actually in the position, 5 months later, to take him back. We are working through all of the things that led to our breakup, and we are both taking responsibility and actions towards our part. You are right though, I don't see him the same way that I used to. But, i'm pretty sure that over time, you learn to see the other person in a different way anyway. I guess it all really comes down to whether or not the love you have for the other person is strong enough to overcome all the obstacles that are thrown your way. I'm still not too sure what i'm going to do. But i'm keeping an open mind and taking it one day at a time. Everything will work itself out, one way or another.
Oh Moe Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 After 4 months my ex did call and set up a meeting. She whined, cried, said she wasn't happy and was always happy with me and was all over me. At that time I said NO,NO,NO,NO. I was extremely cruel and just felt at a specific second she definitely wasn't the women I fell in Love with and she made no attempt to try. So No!!!
bananaboat11 Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 After rethinking it and reading all these reconciliation stories... I still wouldn't take her back. She made me feel worthless and pathetic. that's not something a spouse should be to her lover... ...and I'm so confident she won't contact me... ever.. hell, I'll say this b/c I'm so sure of it... i'd probably kill myself (I'm not suicidal!) if she contacted me again. Whether I'm over it or not.
WiseOne1 Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 I actually been in this situation 2 times...so I'll tell you the story. Loveshack always says to carry yourself highly, by going to the gym, spending time with friends, staying in shape...well she was the exact opposite. The first ex came back after 3 years, we shared a mutual friend and she got my number that way, I told her that I think we should be friends. A lot of people may say Love is emotional, but that's only 50%, there’s personality, and the way they carry themselves and etc. When she left she was HOTTT!! When she came back she had gained atlest 250lbs, she was also a virgin when she left, and the closest thing to a prositute when she came back, so yea, I wasn't attracted to her anymore, and I gave her those famous lines "I think we should see other people" __________________________________________________________ Another ex came back after being broken up for 3 months, she didn't know rather she loved me or her ex bf, and then she came back saying that she loved me the most, I took her back and we lasted 9 months, she then started saying that I didn't treat her normal after we got back together.... _____________________________________________________________ So when it comes to the last ex, I wouldn't take her back, what we had is that once in a life time "fantasy love" ya know something you only see or movies or read about in books, and now she's forever changed it, so therefore there would be nothing special about me and her.
sedgwick Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 (edited) Is this the same guy that broke up with you and then you proceeded to throw everything out? Indeed it is! When she left she was HOTTT!! When she came back she had gained atlest 250lbs, She gained 250 lbs?! That's a lot! What happened? I'd be worried something was medically wrong... Edited January 17, 2010 by sedgwick
PinkToes Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 In a heartbeat. Dream of it every day. Me too, unfortunately.
USMCHokie Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 In a heartbeat. Dream of it every day. Me three...but I try not to let it affect how I live my life...
GAchasen Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 I think ex's are ex's for a reason. I think they are a learning experience. I know I have learned from all of my choices. No, I would not take any of them back, not one. If I did, it would only be for fun...!! A relationship would be the last thing I wanted, again. LOL...
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