i cheated

[mazza121]

hi im mandy . ive been with my bf for nearly 4 yrs.. i was married b4 to some one for 15 yrs. i really love my bf but we have had lot trouble along the way ,, his kids caused alot for us ,, we dont live together but have a baby together,, he never made me feel wanted or loved and took the mick all time out me in personal ways ...............then he said he was only joking.. he used to see his ex as there friends still but he lied to me and said he didnt go there.. , i felt so hurt as i all wanted was to feel loved and wanted .. then he asked me to do 3 somes as he said he really liked that,, so i did it and hated it but i thought it might make us better, but still i got nothing from him.., i found out he looked at pics of woman and sent pics to woman, i no this is no excuse i just want to explain it all .. so people can see it from the start.. so i was so hurt and he never showed me he loved me and it was like a had a disease cos he seemed to never want to come near me,, and he said he didnt care wat i done and kept telling me sleep with who ever he dont care and he said he didnt love me .. so i cheated and hated it . i would never do it again but he said he will stay with me and work it out bt how can we wen he wont sleep at my house or nothin.. can he forgive me and will it work as i love him to bits but was so hurt by him.. please advice but please be gentle as im a wreck at the mo ,, ty all in advance

[jerseyboy]

Forgive you?

 

Dump this loser lady. You only get one turn at life. Don't waste it on this lowlife

[mazza121]

Forgive you?

 

Dump this loser lady. You only get one turn at life. Don't waste it on this lowlife

 

i was the one that cheated still. ive hurt him . i do love him so much though ..

[jerseyboy]

As far as Im concerned you haven't cheated.

 

If anything sounds like your survival instinct kicked in. Listen to it.

 

This man will ruin your life.

 

GET OUT!!

 

You dont love him. He doesnt love you. Your mind , needs and biology are tricking you into believing a condition that doesnt exist. You need to get help and talk to someone.

 

Dont feel a seconds remorse for what you did. Hes not worth it.

[hopesndreams]

i was the one that cheated still. ive hurt him . i do love him so much though ..

 

What a splendid way of showing your love and destroying every ounce of dignity you have.

 

Both of you are toxic for eachother. Go your separate ways and learn from bad choices.

[jerseyboy]

What a splendid way of showing your love and destroying every ounce of dignity you have.

 

Both of you are toxic for eachother. Go your separate ways and learn from bad choices.

 

 

He destrroyed the exclusivity in their relationship by introducing other people. She defintiely has esteem issues she needs to deal with, but thats a seperate issue.

[samsungxoxo]

He's not even worth feeling remorseful about cheating. He said it himself to sleep with whom ever you want to, meaning he doesn't even care one dime about your feelings nor attraction for other men. He might even be cheating on you the whole time. Time to throw him out and move on with your life away from him..

[mazza121]

i love him and want it to work ,, i was wrong for wat i did but i just wanted to feel loved and wanted and wanted him to do it .. . we been talking and said we can work through it but it will take time for him to build trust up again,, but i siad no 3 somes nothing,, just us as that starts trouble

[dreamergrl]

If you want to put yourself through the misery... then stay. If you want a healthy relationship.. then move on.

[Ross PK]

Hi mandy, the guy sounds like he's been really horrible to you. I know you don't want to leave him, but seriously, I really think you should do. Find someone who will treat you right.

[mazza121]

[thanks for advice ill see how it all goes .. he says he will change so ill try one last time.. but thank u all..x

[dreamergrl]

[thanks for advice ill see how it all goes .. he says he will change so ill try one last time.. but thank u all..x

 

You'll be back.

[harmfulsweetz]

It sounds like he doesn't care for you, sorry but thats the truth. My guess? You'll give it a few more gos, then be completely sick and come back here, saying pretty much the same thing. He hasn't treat you right, I understand you love him, it's hard but sometimes we need to make those hard decisions to get to the right and best place in our lives. I don't recall reading anything particularly positive in your original post, so that says it all.

[mazza121]

It sounds like he doesn't care for you, sorry but thats the truth. My guess? You'll give it a few more gos, then be completely sick and come back here, saying pretty much the same thing. He hasn't treat you right, I understand you love him, it's hard but sometimes we need to make those hard decisions to get to the right and best place in our lives. I don't recall reading anything particularly positive in your original post, so that says it all.

 

 

ty for advice .. but i was in wrong . im still in 2 minds wat to do as its hard cos i love him.. but he said fresh start and now he keeps giving me funny remarks..

[norajane]

i love him and want it to work ,, i was wrong for wat i did but i just wanted to feel loved and wanted and wanted him to do it .. . we been talking and said we can work through it but it will take time for him to build trust up again,, but i siad no 3 somes nothing,, just us as that starts trouble

 

What makes you think he hasn't been cheating on you all along?

 

Why do you think he's not sleeping at your place? BECAUSE HE'S HAVING SEX WITH OTHER WOMEN AND SLEEPING WITH THEM.

 

This guy is NEVER going to make you feel loved and wanted. Because he's an ass.

 

Get rid of him!

[Spectre]

As far as Im concerned you haven't cheated.

 

As far as common sense is concerned, she did cheat. Sure, her bf treated her badly, but she still cheated.

 

If anything sounds like your survival instinct kicked in. Listen to it.

 

Survival instinct? If that's so how come this instinct just lead her to bang some dude instead of getting out of the relationship?

 

It's more like a skanky instinct.

 

 

Dont feel a seconds remorse for what you did. Hes not worth it.

 

No, she should feel remorse. At least because she made herself look bad, two wrongs don't make a right. She also lowered herself to this guys level.

 

I will note I think she should dump this guy, but she still cheated..and it was the cliche "my bf doesn't care for me so I need attention from someone else, and sex=attention", because it's not like there aren't other ways to get attention. You can only get attention from someone by sleeping with them.

 

She simply should of just ended the relationship instead of making herself look bad. So now where before you could say the boyfriend is the "bad" one in the relationship, now it's just both of them at fault, although obviously still him more than her.

Edited December 4, 2009 by Spectre

[Jerseyboy.]

As far as common sense is concerned, she did cheat. Sure, her bf treated her badly, but she still cheated.

 

 

 

Survival instinct? If that's so how come this instinct just lead her to bang some dude instead of getting out of the relationship?

 

It's more like a skanky instinct.

 

 

 

 

No, she should feel remorse. At least because she made herself look bad, two wrongs don't make a right. She also lowered herself to this guys level.

 

I will note I think she should dump this guy, but she still cheated..and it was the cliche "my bf doesn't care for me so I need attention from someone else, and sex=attention", because it's not like there aren't other ways to get attention. You can only get attention from someone by sleeping with them.

 

 

I have no desire to argue semantics with you. If you want to claim some technical definition of the word solely based on the act itself, be my guest.

 

Shes clearly emotionally immature and insecure.

 

This man however strikes as a lowlife, fully aware of her condition, and content to take advantage of it as it suits him.

 

He pushed her more than once into a group sex situation for his own benefit. She could of said no certainly. Its not always that simple, especially given her nature.

 

And unless youve been in the situation, Id stay clear of judging it too harshly.

 

He destroyed their intimacy by leveraging her emotions for him into bringing other people into the relationship Happened to me as well

 

Very attractive women get him on by other attractive women very often. If they are so inclined, as in naturally curious or desirous, and have done it before. it becomes a real pain in the azz. To the point its one of the first questions I got to asking of women.

 

Was pushed twice by two sperate women into allowing another girl to join. It sounds like wtf is there to complain about. I didnt want it, never have. But more so, its hurtful and demoralizing for a woman you have such strong feelings for, and whom youd never wish to share with anyone, to not only want to do so, but not even feel possessive enough about you to not want to share you either WITH ANOTHER WOMAN. It kills the intimacy between you.

 

And the second time it happened I did continue "cheating " with the other girl. I dont claim it as a character reference, but I feel zero remorse for it. She pushed me into that womans arms. And she told me all the things I wanted to hear, how stupid my gf was to do it, and how she never would. And their was chemistry

 

If my gf at the time hadn't did what she did, none of it would have ever happened.

[Spectre]

I have no desire to argue semantics with you. If you want to claim some technical definition of the word solely based on the act itself, be my guest.

 

Err, we're not arguing semantics. You flat out said that she didn't cheat. Sleeping with another person while in a relationship is cheating. It doesn't matter if the person she cheated on was Charles Manson or Satan himself, it's still cheating.

 

 

This man however strikes as a lowlife, fully aware of her condition, and content to take advantage of it as it suits him.

 

He sure is a low life, but it doesn't change what she did.

 

He pushed her more than once into a group sex situation for his own benefit. She could of said no certainly. Its not always that simple, especially given her nature.

 

It really is that simple. If she truly didn't wanna do something..then she wouldn't of done it. I think we can only put blame on her condition to a certain extent. You're acting like she has no freewill or like she has the mental capacity of a 5 year old and thus isn't responsible for the decisions she makes.

 

And unless youve been in the situation, Id stay clear of judging it too harshly.

 

I don't need to be in her situation to judge it. Most people can put themselves in someone's position. Plus this is just contradicting. She is soooo in love with him she will have 3 some's for him, but then she also goes and sleeps with some guy. You can't blame that on her "nature", you can just blame it on a complete lack of respect for herself and bf. Granted she shouldn't respect her bf, but still.

 

He destroyed their intimacy by leveraging her emotions for him into bringing other people into the relationship Happened to me as well

 

He killed their intimacy, true, but then she went and obliterated it. Also at least he was up front with her about it *before* it happened. Is it wrong to try to bring a 3some into the relationship? Sure. Is the correct solution to go sleep with someone else? Never.

 

Very attractive women get him on by other attractive women very often. If they are so inclined, as in naturally curious or desirous, and have done it before. it becomes a real pain in the azz. To the point its one of the first questions I got to asking of women.

 

Wait the first question you ask is if the chicks had a 3some? Eh, I can understand that, I wouldn't want a chick who did stuff like that either. Especially if they claim their bf "made" them do it.

 

Was pushed twice by two sperate women into allowing another girl to join. It sounds like wtf is there to complain about. I didnt want it, never have. But more so, its hurtful and demoralizing for a woman you have such strong feelings for, and whom youd never wish to share with anyone, to not only want to do so, but not even feel possessive enough about you to not want to share you either WITH ANOTHER WOMAN. It kills the intimacy between you.

 

I completely agree, but I fail to see what this has to do with her cheating on him though. There is really no excuse for cheating, if the relationship is that bad you should end it. They are both at fault here. Plus as I said, at least he was up front with her before it happened.

 

And the second time it happened I did continue "cheating " with the other girl. I dont claim it as a character reference, but I feel zero remorse for it. She pushed me into that womans arms. And she told me all the things I wanted to hear, how stupid my gf was to do it, and how she never would. And their was chemistry

 

In the end tho, you chose to do it..you weren't forced. This chick isn't Professor X's long lost sister..she wasn't mind controlling you or anything.

 

People really need to start taking responsibility for their actions. I mean if this girl "pushed" you to go rape someone, would you? I'm thinking no, and why? Because you can see it's wrong, despite having someone trying to push you to do it. You, me, and the OP all have the ability to make our own choices..in the end anyone who "pushes" us to do anything, really isn't responsible for our actions. We are all capable of saying yes or no.

Edited December 4, 2009 by Spectre

[Jerseyboy.]

Spectre

 

Again you are arguing semantics as if some legalistic definition carries a non arbirtrary weight.

 

It isnt a court of law. There arent set sentences for certain infractions. She didnt jaywalk and is now arguing for more lenient fines based on the mitigating circumstances.

 

Get caught up in it if youd like, as I said I find the argument pointless.

 

The only measure that would concern me is how she behaved specific to that relationship, and in terms of what respect/consideration she owed her so called bf

 

Hes a lowlife. Hes a scumbag. She owes him nothing imo

 

She owes herself the strength to leave. He and his considerations dont interest me at all

[Lish]

As far as Im concerned you haven't cheated.

 

If anything sounds like your survival instinct kicked in. Listen to it.

 

This man will ruin your life.

 

GET OUT!!

 

You dont love him. He doesnt love you. Your mind , needs and biology are tricking you into believing a condition that doesnt exist. You need to get help and talk to someone.

 

Dont feel a seconds remorse for what you did. Hes not worth it.

 

 

WHAT?! I'm 100% with Spectre.

Problem with this is, she's with a guy, and it really his as simple as this: SHE CHEATED. She is a mother and she should be ashamed. The pair of them have lost respect for each other.. which is why he treats her the way he does and it's also the reason why cheated.

 

As far as I'm concerned, this guy is a pig, so instead of keeping her dignity and being the better person, she decided to drop her pants - this isn't something that should be condoned. At all.

 

OP, I understand the need for wanting to be loved, I honestly get it...but why lower yourself? You only made yourself as bad as him.

You really need to get out of this relationship. The guy doesn't respect women and while you may feel like you love him, I don't think you do.

 

There are quite a few lessons to be learned from this entire situation.. use them to better yourself

Edited December 4, 2009 by Lish

[Jerseyboy.]

WHAT?! I'm 100% with Spectre.

Problem with this is, she's with a guy, and it really his as simple as this: SHE CHEATED. She is a mother and she should be ashamed. The pair of them have lost respect for each other.. which is why he treats her the way he does and it's also the reason why cheated.

 

As far as I'm concerned, this guy is a pig, so instead of keeping her dignity and being the better person, she decided to drop her pants - this isn't something that should be condoned. At all.

 

OP, I understand the need for wanting to be loved, I honestly get it...but why lower yourself? You only made yourself as bad as him.

You really need to get out of this relationship. The guy doesn't respect women and while you may feel like you love him, I don't think you do.

 

There are quite a few lessons to be learned from this entire situation.. use them to better yourself

 

 

Consideration while generally required of decent people, isnt a mandate. The need for which can be negated by the actions of another.

 

A person is generally deserving hypothetically of a breakup in person.

 

An absuive mate is not

 

Fidelity is a general requirement within a relationship. I feel she owes this individual no such respect.

 

Respect for herself is a seperate matter. And clearly she needs to work on her. But guilt over "cheating" on this dirtbag is not an issue I would add to her priorities

[samsungxoxo]

I see no point on why the SO should be worrying about cheating on a dirty SOB, piece of trash he is. I would be a big difference if the man she was with was nice and never did anything to disrespect her but this scumbag...LOL... I would not apologize to that loser either. There is nothing to apologize to him, he deserves none...

[Ross PK]

Yup, there's nothing wrong with her cheating at all, the cunt deserves it.

 

OP, show him no respect.

[Ross PK]

WHAT?! I'm 100% with Spectre.

Problem with this is, she's with a guy, and it really his as simple as this: SHE CHEATED. She is a mother and she should be ashamed. The pair of them have lost respect for each other.. which is why he treats her the way he does and it's also the reason why cheated.

 

As far as I'm concerned, this guy is a pig, so instead of keeping her dignity and being the better person, she decided to drop her pants - this isn't something that should be condoned. At all.

 

OP, I understand the need for wanting to be loved, I honestly get it...but why lower yourself? You only made yourself as bad as him.

You really need to get out of this relationship. The guy doesn't respect women and while you may feel like you love him, I don't think you do.

 

There are quite a few lessons to be learned from this entire situation.. use them to better yourself

 

No offense but what a load of crap, she hasn't lowered herself at all. Cheating is only bad if the other person doesn't deserve it, it's THAT simple.

[Dexter Morgan]

I see no point on why the SO should be worrying about cheating on a dirty SOB, piece of trash he is. I would be a big difference if the man she was with was nice and never did anything to disrespect her but this scumbag...LOL...

 

LOL....uh.....not really.

 

a cheater is a cheater and it doesn't matter what they think some justification would be. why would any decent person want someone that has cheated no matter what they think their excuse is?

 

Like it wouldn't matter to me if someone cheated if the person they cheated on was perceived by them to be a jerk. Because I sure wouldn't want to be with someone that would view cheating as an excuse if things didn't happen to always go their way.

 

and if someone treats me like crap, I'll leave. I wouldn't want a woman to view me as someone less desirable because I used their treatment of me as an excuse to cheat.

Edited December 4, 2009 by Dexter Morgan