floods88 Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 so.. after a month of pure pain... he wants to get back together. he said that he misses me and loves me and that he'll never find anyone like me again. we agreed to take it really slow and make a completely fresh start. im nervous and i really hope it works out. just thought id let you guys know
USMCHokie Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 so.. after a month of pure pain... he wants to get back together. he said that he misses me and loves me and that he'll never find anyone like me again. we agreed to take it really slow and make a completely fresh start. im nervous and i really hope it works out. just thought id let you guys know That's great news floods...I certainly hope it works out for you two...but as you've said, take it slow and protect yourself from getting hurt again... Best of luck!
Author floods88 Posted December 2, 2009 Author Posted December 2, 2009 thanks i am pretty scared i have to say... it was really nervewracking seeing him again and it didnt feel like old times.. more like a first date and a new start. but im cool with that
j_cali_man Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 Floods, That is pretty awesome. If you think that you're taking it slow, then go SLOWER. Have fun and not let the past rule everything--my guess is to wait soem time before some of the issues that split you two up need discussing. I am no expert though. I'm still a card carrying member of the heart ripped out, dragged behind a truck, stomped on, set on fire, and then mailed back to me in a box of broken glass club--as I once heard described elsewhere. Others can chime in on how to approach your reunion. I think there's a "making up" overview somewhere on these boards too- which may help you guys. Good luck! J
USMCHokie Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 more like a first date and a new start. And this is exactly how you have to approach it...you can't come in with expectations or immediately bring up issues from the past...it will only sabotage the efforts... After the month apart (yes, I know it's not that long...), you two may have changed for the better, or the worse...and it's almost like relearning each other...have fun with it...hopefully you'll experience that fire again that you had when you first started dating... I certainly wish that one day I'll be able to tell the LS community that I'm getting a second chance...
Author floods88 Posted December 2, 2009 Author Posted December 2, 2009 i've hit a little bump and i dont really know how to handle it so i'm asking you guys for advice. basically while we are apart we both got with another person. he told me that this girl still texts him but he's not going to make contact with her anymore. last night he told me that she contacted him and he text her back saying that he was back together with me. i told him that i wasn't okay with him continuing a friendship with her, because she obviously likes him. he said that he is not attracted to her at all and doesnt even want to be friends but doesnt want to feel like im telling him not to talk to her because then im not giving him a chance to prove that i can trust him (trust was an issue for both of us in our relationship as we never gave each other a chance to show it). so i said okay. my instincts are telling me to just let go and trust him with this but its hard. i dont want to say anything to him about it in case he feels as though im falling at the first hurdle which would cause him to lose confidence in us. how shall i go about this?
sean1970 Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 and doesnt even want to be friends but doesnt want to feel like im telling him not to talk to her because then im not giving him a chance to prove that i can trust him (trust was an issue for both of us in our relationship as we never gave each other a chance to show it). so i said okay. That is bull****. How did he get away with giving you the workload for dealing with him talking to her? If he has no feelings for her, he should have no problem cutting her off.
Author floods88 Posted December 2, 2009 Author Posted December 2, 2009 That is bull****. How did he get away with giving you the workload for dealing with him talking to her? If he has no feelings for her, he should have no problem cutting her off. he got away with it because if i make a big deal out of it its going to cause us to be driven apart again. he told me hes not going to make contact with her and that she will get the message. he also said that he will tell me everytime she makes contact with him. he says his whole problem is that i'm not giving him any oppurtunity to show that i can trust him. i think this whole thing is because he doesnt want to feel like im in control of what he does and that he wants to come to conclusions on his own. i do trust that he doesnt have feelings for her, he told me himself that he thinks shes a moron. its just p***ed me off that he tried so hard to get me back and now hes loading all of this on me.
sean1970 Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 he told me hes not going to make contact with her and that she will get the message. he also said that he will tell me everytime she makes contact with him. In other words, he is being a jerk to her, nice... And Im sure you like hearing all the times she contacts him. he says his whole problem is that i'm not giving him any oppurtunity to show that i can trust him. How about an opportunity to show you he can DO THE RIGHT THING!!! its just p***ed me off that he tried so hard to get me back and now hes loading all of this on me. And you should be pissed...
HeavenOrHell Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 A new start sounds good, I don't think anyone can go back, it's as if you have to rebuild things from scratch. Hopefully having learnt from past mistakes, don't forget to communicate So happy for you! Take things slow hun... thanks i am pretty scared i have to say... it was really nervewracking seeing him again and it didnt feel like old times.. more like a first date and a new start. but im cool with that
Kantor Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 You got that second chance that so many of us have sought or are seeking, like many of the posts before me learn from your mistakes and don't let them happen again! Good luck!
HeavenOrHell Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 I don't agree, he doesn't necessarily have feelings for this other girl. My ex wants to stay friends with me but, apparently, according to a lot of people here, including you Sean imply he doesn't have any other feelings for me than friendship, so why should the OP's partner have feelings for his ex other than friendship? My ex doesn't have those feelings for me (I guess) but he does have a problem with cutting me off. He's even said a while ago that if any future gf doesn't like us being friends that he wouldn't be with them for long. Although I don't think that is very realistic That is bull****. How did he get away with giving you the workload for dealing with him talking to her? If he has no feelings for her, he should have no problem cutting her off.
HeavenOrHell Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 It doesn't seem to me that he's loading stuff on you, it looks to me like he is being honest with you and he wants you to trust him. Has he given you reason to not trust him ever before? And if he has do you feel he is trustworthy now? he got away with it because if i make a big deal out of it its going to cause us to be driven apart again. he told me hes not going to make contact with her and that she will get the message. he also said that he will tell me everytime she makes contact with him. he says his whole problem is that i'm not giving him any oppurtunity to show that i can trust him. i think this whole thing is because he doesnt want to feel like im in control of what he does and that he wants to come to conclusions on his own. i do trust that he doesnt have feelings for her, he told me himself that he thinks shes a moron. its just p***ed me off that he tried so hard to get me back and now hes loading all of this on me.
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