leap83 Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 This is for those who didn't end up breaking up on bad terms with their ex. Recently, I have decided to pull a plug on my past relationship with my ex. After much debating, going back and forth, doubting decisions, for some odd reason I've decided that right now our relationship just can't be. The hurt I've been experiencing, which is very different from what I've experienced before, is still there and probably stronger than ever. However, I know that I'm stronger than the pain inside of me. Ever since I went NC, for some odd reason, I feel at ease. I feel like I can do things without analyzing, what ifs, etc. I studied 11 hours yesterday for one of my classes. Before I couldn't concentrate for more than an hour. For the first time I feel content with my decision; totally at peace. I really can't explain it. He is still in my thoughts. I still think he's a wonderful person and I wish him tons of happiness in the future. But for some odd reason I feel much more free now, than wondering what should be/could be; what if; what is going to happen in the future; what is the best way to say this or that; what if I see him tomorrow; what if he forgets about me, etc. These thoughts are gone. Thankfully.... The pain is not gone and I doubt it'll ever completely disappear but I'm thankful that these thoughts are not present anymore.
SushiOji Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 I'm with you, I'm at a point now after 3 weeks of NC where I would much rather not hear from her at all. Before I would always have the "what if's" in my mind and wondering if she is thinking about me or if she will contact me. Now as I was finally able to study for my finals did I realize that I come first and she is not as important anymore. I keep reminding myself not to make someone a priority when they only make you an option
GrayClouds Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 Leap I am happy for you. I think one of the reasons why you do feel a certain level of acceptance is that you went through, allow yourself to experience the doubt, ultimately making your decision stronger. More importantly your world has gain new color and that can offer exciting opportunities.
sean1970 Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 The hurt I've been experiencing, which is very different from what I've experienced before, is still there and probably stronger than ever. However, I know that I'm stronger than the pain inside of me.. Such a inspirational phrase and where we all need to be... So happy for you leap...
USMCHokie Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 However, I know that I'm stronger than the pain inside of me. Pain is just weakness leaving the body...
Author leap83 Posted December 2, 2009 Author Posted December 2, 2009 Thanks. I'm happy that I'm at this stage now where nothing can really hurt me (or so I think). It's not that I don't care. Obviously, I still care a lot about him. I still have these feelings that won't go away. But this is the best decision I have made thus far because I have come to terms with NOW (not the past/not the future). Right NOW this can't be. It's so much better living in the moment than in the past or future. For the first time yesterday morning, as I was drinking coffee, I noticed how hot it was and I just enjoyed looking at the "smoke" coming out of my cup. Weird eh? Yeah. Today is another 11 hour day of studying. Btw, my friends think I'm out of it. Haha. They don't know what I've done because ALL of them would be attacking me about it and telling me it's a bad idea. Haha.
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