cr1223 Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 This is more of a vent than anything, but I could use some insight or encouragement if anyone has some to offer. My ex girlfriend recently broke up with me claiming she just didnt feel the same anymore. But this weekend, when we were both at the same party, she went off with her "ex" before me and they had a very long conversation. I put ex in quotes because they were never really dating, but were hooking up for a while. I was friends with both of them during this. Anyway, I asked him what this long conversation entailed, and he told me that basically she told him she regrets what she did to him, missed him, and never stopped caring about him. I said something to her about it the next day, and in the resulting conversation she said she thought she loved me but she had still been in love with this guy the whole time. This seems like such bull****. Their relationship was completely ****ed up and dysfuctional, she hurt him greatly, and she never really committed to anything with him. Then we got together, and it was completely different. It was great for a long time. She often told me how much she loved me, and it didnt seem like just words. But now she's telling me basically our whole relationship was a lie? I'm devastated by this. And the really messed up part is that sometimes I catch myself still wanting her. I mean its such a rollercoaster, I hate her for this, but I love her? The funny part is this guy doesnt want her back, both he and I can see this is a pattern for her. But how do I cope with this? How do I come to terms with the fact that apparently something that meant so much to me was fake? Thanks for reading this and any advice.
New Again Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 But how do I cope with this? How do I come to terms with the fact that apparently something that meant so much to me was fake? Thanks for reading this and any advice. She can't rewrite the past with her words now, although I think many people try to do that one way or another. Maybe it makes her feel better about herself to rewrite history that way. Who knows? Regardless of what she says now, after the fact - at the time it was what it was. Don't you think? Also, you should be comforted by the fact that you now know what she's all about. She's not the girl for you, regardless of what a great time you had while you were dating. It's good you realize that now, as does her "ex." I hope that helps you move on.
Author cr1223 Posted December 2, 2009 Author Posted December 2, 2009 Thanks for the response. What you said makes sense. I think knowing that will help me move on. I know she is someone I definitely do not want in my life after this. But I still find myself longing for what we had sometimes. Definitely going no contact, and she just made it a lot easier, as I no longer have anything to say to her.
New Again Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 Thanks for the response. What you said makes sense. I think knowing that will help me move on. I know she is someone I definitely do not want in my life after this. But I still find myself longing for what we had sometimes. Definitely going no contact, and she just made it a lot easier, as I no longer have anything to say to her. Change is hard, but I think it's a good thing, more often than not. You can't go back, so might as well move forward. Good luck.
Template Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 My heart breaks for you man. I've often felt with my ex, that maybe she truly didn't love me. That maybe I'm just another in a string of men the she bounced from one to another, that she's trying to compensate for something. All I can say is that man; you went into this relationship with the best of intentions with purity in your heart. She didn't. Just knowing this alone, you deserve someone better than her. It's not just fluff, and it's not to make you feel better. You deserve better than her. Your relationship was a lie, she lied to you, she lied to herself. Makes you wonder what kind of person could really do that.
Author cr1223 Posted December 3, 2009 Author Posted December 3, 2009 I guess that you're right. Although I find myself agreeing more with NewAgain, that maybe she's trying to rewrite things, and at the time it was what it was. But I definitely think you're right that I went into the relationship with a different attitude than her, and I don't think any relationship could work like that. It's not a one way street. Probably wasting time still thinking about it, but it's hard. Definitely everyone deserves better than that.
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