Tryn2LookAhead Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 Women (or guys if this applies), have you ever heard of this? An ex dumps you in a not-so-courteous way that leaves you hurt and resentful. Fast forward to a year or two later. He emails and asks how are things going. You have zero interest or feelings whatsoever for this guy except for some lingering resentment of how things ended. You explain to him that you are in a relationship & very happy and he explains he is single. You suspect he is exploring a second chance, but you want to punish him. You want him to pay for what he did. You want him to regret his bad decision. So you begin flirting with him to in an attempt to get him to want you. To covertly and slowly tease and taunt him. To build him up so you can end the conversation by saying 'sorry about your luck, have a nice life'. Does this happen?
Bejita463 Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 Does this happen? Probably, but it says a lot about the person who would be so petty. A lot.
harmfulsweetz Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 Women (or guys if this applies), have you ever heard of this? An ex dumps you in a not-so-courteous way that leaves you hurt and resentful. Fast forward to a year or two later. He emails and asks how are things going. You have zero interest or feelings whatsoever for this guy except for some lingering resentment of how things ended. You explain to him that you are in a relationship & very happy and he explains he is single. You suspect he is exploring a second chance, but you want to punish him. You want him to pay for what he did. You want him to regret his bad decision. So you begin flirting with him to in an attempt to get him to want you. To covertly and slowly tease and taunt him. To build him up so you can end the conversation by saying 'sorry about your luck, have a nice life'. Does this happen? Yes, it happens. But is it revenge really? I mean, if he's such an a$$, he probably won't care much anyway. I'd sooner say look, I'm taken now, I want no further contact with you, so don't contact me again. Otherwise, it's just spins into a petty mess, and you are left focusing on someone completely not worth it. I had an ex (well sort of ex) come back to me after he treat me like a toy, saying he'd changed, he really liked me, thinking he may love me, I flat out told him I was no longer interested, and it felt better than dragging it out. If I had drug it out, I ran the risk of being sucked in once more, I wasn't doing that.
JustLooking123 Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 Why is this worth it? You'll probably end up getting hurt again because of the lingering feelings towards him. The best revenge is a happy life.
Author Tryn2LookAhead Posted December 2, 2009 Author Posted December 2, 2009 This isn't me, but rather my girlfriend I caught doing this. Here's background and then specifics... Background - The ex...someone she dated for 2 months about 16 months ago. This was within a year after her divorce of 10 year marriage. I've known about him and all her exs. This one, she says was just a 'fun post-divorce new young guy' thing, but after two months he just stopped calling her and she was hurt and resented it. He lives about and hour and a half away. Me...we've been together for 10 months. Living together for 7. Engaged. I've never felt a woman express love for me like she is doing. I love her just the same. We are inseparable. Her friends and family always talk about how much she adores me. We both got cheated on prior (by her ex-h and by my last gf) Becasue of this we have a very open and transparent relationship. Shared passwords, cellphone accounts, etc. We both get contacted by ex's once in a while. We always tell each other about them. Including this ex. He's contacted her about 3 times in the 10 months and she always forwards the emails to me. They are always 'how are you - I'm fine - have a boyfriend? - yes I'm very happy and in love - have a nice life - you too'....very short, dry and sterile. OK, so the situation the other night.... I'm cleaning up after dinner in the kitchen and she's online on the laptop sitting on the couch. We are enjoying wine since the kids are all gone for the weekend. She tells me, oh geez <ex-bf> just emailed me. I laugh and say great. She says, ok now he's chatting. I say have fun. They chat for about 15 minutes. She's quiet. I kind of surprise her and plop down next to her. The line JUST typed by her was "The last time you emailed, I dreamt about you"...I freaked. I said, umm can I read that whole thread? Do you mind? She was horrified and in shock but handed me the laptop. I scrolled through and it shifted from chit-chat to what I call flirting when she demanded to know from him 3 times why he just walked away. His response..."Because I'm an idiot"...then she made a reference to thinking about him on occasion and then finally having a dream about him. It seemed like she was fishing for suggestive comments from him. Not giving them to him so much, but teeing stuff up for him to start in on the heavy flirting. I stormed off and she was instantly sobbing and begging me to talk about it. I just walked away from her very upset. The next morning she begged talk about it. I finally said why? After telling me all this time I was the love of your life, etc etc etc. She said, you won't understand this but I wanted him to want me. I wanted him to regret walking away. I wanted to punish him. He means nothing and I have no feelings, but I wanted payback. So then I came to all of you to get your thoughts. Is there some truth to this or is this a cover-up? Should I be worried by trustworthy true love is not to be trusted? I of course did some snooping after and immediately after I stormed off, she emailed him and said "I just lost the only thing that has ever mettered to me. Talking to you was stupid. Don't ever contact me again." What do you all think?
harmfulsweetz Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 She wanted to feel wanted by him? Why? Aren't you enough? If she feels like she needs to go to those lengths to get revenge, which isn't exactly revenge is it, and hurts you in the process, doesn't it show what kind of person she is? She wants revenge for something which happened over a year ago? And only 2 months? Yes, there are people who do these to get their own back, but it says it all about their character in doing so. She would sooner spend time getting her own back on someone who was supposedly nothing to her, than spend it with you. I'm not saying she's a cheat, I'm saying she's petty, and pretty childish.
Ross PK Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 A lot of people will do this. I say if it makes you feel better then go for it. He deserves it.
traderho Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 Yep a lot of people do this. Then their significant other usually comes on here complaining about them having an affair with their ex. Her story sounds awfully shady, most people are able to move on after a year. IMO she still has major feelings for this cat.
Author Tryn2LookAhead Posted December 3, 2009 Author Posted December 3, 2009 Yes, there's no question she does have something lingering. What I'm trying to get my arms around exactly what that is. Are there classic garden-variety romantic feelings or a major grudge that won't go away until she does something that will satisfy her 'in your face/look at me now' chest-beating. I'm trying not to be that naive dumbass significant-other that buys flimsy excuses in the name of denial for the sake of my tender and tore apart heart, but on the otherhand I don't want to wake up one day with a note on my pillow. You see, breaking this down, I find it EXTREMELY hard to believe someone could have lingering unresolved romantic feelings for a self-proclaimed rebound they spent 60 days with over a year and a half ago. That seems highly unlikely while the shelf-life of a grudge (especially for women LOL) can go on for years. So that all makes a LITTLE more sense. And I can point to a parallel situation that leads me to believe she is of this chronic-chip-on-shoulder type with the relationship she has with her ex-husband. You see the ex is STILL with the woman he banged behind her back and left this stay-at-home mom with three kids in the dust with little resources. Today, her and her ex have a buddy-buddy relationship with zero romantic feelings. He even insisted on meeting me and is actually a friendly guy. But both he and I know that we don't DAAAAAAARE put that OW anywhere near my financee or she will go postal on her with the business end of a shovel. So she has a current trophy-room of grudges lining the walls there and has proven old hard feelings don't die out easily. So I'm leaning towards a wine-laced opportunistic decision to play a very childish and selfish game. THAT I can forgive her for, but I am making her pay. Things just aren't quite the same right now. We are fine on the surface, but I've taken a sudden like to her whereabouts and activities now unlike before. This isn't so much contrived, but very real right now in the freshness of it all. I have plans to find out her deep embedded intentions and motivations without just simply being an insecure tyrant bf holding a leash. Honestly, what good would that do anyway? I have ways to put it out there and find out ASAP what's going on.
Author Tryn2LookAhead Posted December 4, 2009 Author Posted December 4, 2009 UPDATE: Well I had to pull out all the stops and exceed the boundaries by test her the ultimate way; let her have an unimpeded private conversation with this guy and see how she did as he tried to aggressively tempt her into a very compromising dialog. I'm happy to report, she passed with flying colors. It appears she was telling me the truth.
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