HeartBroken700 Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 Ive been with my so for almost 6 years. I think he cheated on me but will not admit it. I'm so hurt by this. This is pretty young chick shes only 21 he's 28. we all go to the same school. we all go the same college. i am so hurt. he's very mood sometimes then will take it all back and say how sorry he is. like yesterday he would not pick up the phone for me all day not till 7 at night. then calls me crazy. i told him normal people pick up the phone for there girlfriend. he tells me its all in my head but i doubt it and i have no proof. he will not admit to anything. i walked around for a week feeling sick and hurt. i just hope i can move past this but its so hard. how do i learn to move past this and get back to our normal relationship?
Javelin Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 Ive been with my so for almost 6 years. I think he cheated on me but will not admit it. I'm so hurt by this. This is pretty young chick shes only 21 he's 28. we all go to the same school. we all go the same college. i am so hurt. he's very mood sometimes then will take it all back and say how sorry he is. like yesterday he would not pick up the phone for me all day not till 7 at night. then calls me crazy. i told him normal people pick up the phone for there girlfriend. he tells me its all in my head but i doubt it and i have no proof. he will not admit to anything. i walked around for a week feeling sick and hurt. i just hope i can move past this but its so hard. how do i learn to move past this and get back to our normal relationship? For your own sake, please leave him. You can find someone better that wouldn't just dismiss the way you feel and call you crazy! He's showing signs of total disrespect and you shouldn't stand for it!
New_Life08 Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 You can't move past it until you two communicate. It is the phenomenon of most couples...afraid to open up to the other partner. He needs to do his part in listening and respecting your feelings, or you are just going to keep spinning your wheels on this issue. The thing about trust is that it is not a "learned" task, it is an "earned" privilege. Trust is built (or lost) by the behavior of the other. From what I've read his actions are sending you a red flag, as they should. Maybe he needs to reevaluate his commitment to you and the relationship? I feel that people who are accused of an affair and are innocent would not avoid communication. I know if my bf accused me of an affair, I would be appalled, then... I would stand my ground and not let the subject drop until I knew I assured him that it didn't happen. I am not saying he has had an affair, but what constitutes an affair to the conscience? Even if he didn't actually have sex with someone, there was something else going on that crossed the line. Otherwise why the avoidance? He may try to make you feel his actions are a angry reaction to being "accused" of an affair, but keep in mind; it is his way to get you to back off and drop it. Guilty people are defensive, and do everything they can to change the subject and avoid the whole ordeal. Of course he is turning this on you that your nuts and paranoid, but if this were true he wouldn't have stayed in the relationship with you for five years. Another thing to think about is if he is having an emotional affair? I am just speculating because I have been through it and if this is the case he will go to great lengths to keep the ties to the EA. It's just something to think about, since a physical affair is usually cut and dried, an emotional affair virtually lives in your house with you. Hang in there, I hope he decides to open up and talk about whatever is going on so you two can grow past it. I know your pain...trust me.
Author HeartBroken700 Posted December 1, 2009 Author Posted December 1, 2009 yeah i know what you mean.ive had many red flags. him telling me jokes and stuff.. my sister in law seen them walking in school..well he either is trying to end it with her but shes not taking it well. she calling him names etc..ive seen text messages. messages on his face book etc. im hoping its really comes to end so i can move past this. i know deep down inside he did something. i love him and i just want it to be normal again. i think they both had a plan but it backfire on them so now hes trying to get himself out of but shes not taking it well.
Javelin Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 (edited) i love him and i just want it to be normal again. i think they both had a plan but it backfire on them so now hes trying to get himself out of but shes not taking it well. How can you love someone like that? He isn't the only one for you, there are guys out there that would share your love and they won't have you running in circles! Even if he does break it off with this new chick, what makes you so sure that he will focus on you? That said, obviously he doesn't feel what you feel. So why put yourself through this madness? Come on, you seem like a decent catch; you're caring, loving and this guy doesn't deserve you and you have to realize that! Edited December 1, 2009 by Javelin
Boundary Problem Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 I wouldn't trust him. So when you have a concern he calls you crazy? Does that sound like someone who cares about your feelings? There is usually the simplest explanation to any problem/situation. You want things to go back to the way they were. But you can't have that. You need to look at other options. "going back in time" isn't something any of us have mastered.
Citizen Erased Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 Hold on...so because he walks with her, she leaves messages on his FB and he doesn't pick up his phone until 7pm this guy is cheating?! I'd call you crazy too if I had to put up with that. If him being around another female bothers you so much to the point that little things like that make you this jealous... I must have missed reading something here.
Boundary Problem Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 Her gut is telling her he cheated. You don't need evidence. If your gut tells you something is off, to me - that is enough to confront. And you have to confront him - or else there is no relationship. A person who is true and loyal will spend the next three hours opening up their life, email accounts, phoning people who can cooroborate, drive you to the other woman to confirm there is nothing going on. 100% transparency. ie. if he cares about you - he will spend the time it takes to prove to you that he isn't cheating. What did he do? He called you crazy and dismissed your concerns. So now you have two problems. 1. You gut tells you he might be cheating. 2. He isn't showing you that he cares that your feelings are hurt. Even if it is just a phantom concern, the reality is that your feelings are hurt. Unfortunately - in relationships - it is guilty until proven innocent. It is just the way life is.
Citizen Erased Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 Unfortunately - in relationships - it is guilty until proven innocent. It is just the way life is. That is ridiculous. How could you ever expect to have a healthy relationship with someone with that notion? That would drive me nuts. As for them opening up their personal lives to pacify some jealousy issues, that is so out of line. A gut instinct is not a reason to expect them to do something like that. Our personal lives are our own. If she finds out he has actually been cheating, that of course is different. But a gut instinct? I don't think so.
Boundary Problem Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 That is ridiculous. How could you ever expect to have a healthy relationship with someone with that notion? That would drive me nuts. As for them opening up their personal lives to pacify some jealousy issues, that is so out of line. A gut instinct is not a reason to expect them to do something like that. Our personal lives are our own. If she finds out he has actually been cheating, that of course is different. But a gut instinct? I don't think so. Try telling that to my ex. You either open your life up to them, or they find a way to do it themselves. They NEED to know. I don't know why - but it is some jealousy drive from within. I would rather deal with it straight on, rather than let them turn into Dick Tracey detectives. Mind you I never cheated. So it was always this eye-rolling exercise where he looks and I wait and then he realizes there is nothing. Oh well. He had nice hair. It had a bit of a curl to it.
Citizen Erased Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 Try telling that to my ex. You either open your life up to them, or they find a way to do it themselves. They NEED to know. I don't know why - but it is some jealousy drive from within. I would rather deal with it straight on, rather than let them turn into Dick Tracey detectives. Mind you I never cheated. So it was always this eye-rolling exercise where he looks and I wait and then he realizes there is nothing. Oh well. He had nice hair. It had a bit of a curl to it. Ah well that explains why you put up with it. I just can't see a relationship working out when it's like that. It would be very hard on both parties.
Boundary Problem Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 Ah well that explains why you put up with it. I just can't see a relationship working out when it's like that. It would be very hard on both parties. Oh that's nothing. I just had to make sure he didn't start unsustainable bad habits, like going through my purse for receipts in front of clients. Humliating me in public would have been unacceptable.
Author HeartBroken700 Posted December 3, 2009 Author Posted December 3, 2009 I Dont think i am crazy. im sorry well how does someone know so much about girl?. they are only in classes 2 days a week..he never admitted anything of course he wouldn't hes a guy. well he must of felt guilty about something because he wouldn't of told me her name etc. called me pysho or whatever but someone who goes out of thier way to put her in his phone under a guy name and then take it out after.. i know he did something but wont tell me. i grieved about it on my own because i was making my self sick. thanks for all the advice. call me crazy but i know he cheated he came home with a purple bruise on his arm. he speaks spanish so i understood what he told his friend. of course he lied.
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