XKatieX Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 I was thinking about some of the things my ex said to me before he shut off all contact with me. Well, he said he didn't care for me anymore and he has completely no feelings for me. He also said he was sorry, and didn't want me to be miserable. And now I'm thinking miserable with or without him?? He also said he hopes I find someone. So I asked if he had anyone, and he said no he doesn't. I still believe with everything he said to me that night that maybe there was someone else in the picture. Now hes never lied to me, and I know he would have never cheated..but I still feel this way. The fact that I never cheated, never hurt him, and stayed by his side for 2 1/2 years, I just don't see how he could feel completely nothing for me anymore..unless of course there was someone else in the picture. I know that feelings can die, but still I mean..you would think he would feel the slightest bit of emotion considering he loved me for so long. Has anyone been in this situation where you or someone else lost feelings, and was it because something that happened or was there someone else?
Boundary Problem Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 That happened in my marriage. Funny thing is he was 'normal" for 1.5 yrs when we were living together. Then like a light switch it was 'off' when we married. I never caught him cheating. And I could read him pretty well. Heavy computer use (porn). I think he had a love/hate thing with his mom, and is secretly a homosexual. My ex has given me hints that he might have experimented with "one from his own team" since we split up. I don't think it went well. He has some medical problem now that is going to require a procedure. I just shake my head. I think they lack courage to be true to themselves. Mind you, Im probably naive. So they never find a personally rewarding and satisfying situation, because they don't love and accept themselves for the way they are and their true needs - whatever those may be.
Lost Fish Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 XKatieX, Sometimes people fall out of love... it's just the way life is. Especially if you are younger - 2 and a half years is a VERY long time and a relationship can run it's course. Both you and your ex have learned a great deal and grown as individuals, the bummer is that it looks like you may have grown apart. The best thing you can do is accept that he no longer feels the same. It really doesn't matter if he met someone or not. If he did, then he's with someone because he doesn't have feelings for you. If he didn't, then he just wants to break up because he no longer has feelings for you. The best you can do is let him go and start moving on. Be sad, grieve, and then start looking for a guy who will give you the love you deserve. I feel for ya... Hugz.
D-Lish Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 I've lost feelings in more than a few of my relationships - and they have had nothing to do with someone new. Sometimes meeting someone new during the course of the demise of their feelings can prompt a person to fast forward the inevitable. Whenever that has happened to me, it has caused me a lot of pain and turmoil. You don't want to hurt the person, you don't want those loving feelings to diminish- but they do, despite your efforts to keep the relationship together. It's especially taxing on you when it happens with someone you care for deeply, but just don't have that intensity with anymore. I know it's hard not to take it personally. You overthink what you could have done to keep things together. There is likely nothing you could have done. That's what happened with my ex-husband. Our romantic relationship progressed to a brother-sister exchange. I loved him dearly and I know he loved me- but we couldn't recover our sex life. As we were trying to get through that he ended up having an affair that resulted in him getting his mistress pregnant. That is what ultimately ended us, but truthfully- it only sped up the inevitable. This is a big loss to come to terms with. You aren't going to recover overnight, it will take time. Sometimes things just progress in this manner and there is nothing you could have done to change the course of this fate. ((HUGS))
Author XKatieX Posted December 1, 2009 Author Posted December 1, 2009 XKatieX, Sometimes people fall out of love... it's just the way life is. Especially if you are younger - 2 and a half years is a VERY long time and a relationship can run it's course. Both you and your ex have learned a great deal and grown as individuals, the bummer is that it looks like you may have grown apart. The best thing you can do is accept that he no longer feels the same. It really doesn't matter if he met someone or not. If he did, then he's with someone because he doesn't have feelings for you. If he didn't, then he just wants to break up because he no longer has feelings for you. The best you can do is let him go and start moving on. Be sad, grieve, and then start looking for a guy who will give you the love you deserve. I feel for ya... Hugz. Thanks everyone for the replies. Yeah I'm thinking it was just that we grew apart. Of course I still love him and want to work things out but things went from bad to worse. I think the fact that we couldn't see each other very often, because it was a long-distance relationship plays a big part of it. There were also some other factors that could have caused us to grow apart, the age difference we had (10 years apart) and the fact that we fought so much. It could have just been a mix of it all too. I'm used to him always being around and coming back to me whenever we fight, though this time hes not around just gone like the wind, so I know its for real this time.
Pringles Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 I can absolutely relate to the replies on your post. Ive been in a relationship for 7 years and recently got engaged. Our relationship was good until I began losing interest and feelings for him a few years back. This did not stop me from loving him and caring for him, which might have confused me a bit as to what romantic love should be. In my eyes we too became like a brother sister team. Im now on a break and contemplating whether or not to end our relationship as these feelings have not changed for the better. For so many years I had convinced myself and tried to block these discrepant feelings that I began to feel numb emotionally. He was my first everything which made it difficult for me to compare my feelings with past experiences. I just thought that was how it was supposed to be. I feel stronger now more than ever before for some reason to end our relationship. I dont think that anyone in a relationship for that long can say they dont love you and that they dont care for you....how could you not?
Tayla Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 I'm befuddled. 1:It was a long distance relationship (so the poster said) YET- she missed him being around all the time.... Was he able to time travel? Sorry he either was in your life in a physical way or it was a long distance relationship that carries many hurdles and takes a particular set of expectations. 2: Where does the "I want to work it out" in the face of saying "we fought alot" Hello sunshine! Most healthy relationships have ups and downs but fighting alot? Not really. Its called compromising alot and regarding the differences as such. To clear up one thing....its obvious you are hurting and confused and for that its not easy to endure sometimes....
Author XKatieX Posted December 4, 2009 Author Posted December 4, 2009 (edited) I'm befuddled. 1:It was a long distance relationship (so the poster said) YET- she missed him being around all the time.... Was he able to time travel? Sorry he either was in your life in a physical way or it was a long distance relationship that carries many hurdles and takes a particular set of expectations. 2: Where does the "I want to work it out" in the face of saying "we fought alot" Hello sunshine! Most healthy relationships have ups and downs but fighting alot? Not really. Its called compromising alot and regarding the differences as such. To clear up one thing....its obvious you are hurting and confused and for that its not easy to endure sometimes.... He was able to travel to come and see me, we saw each other whenever we could. We live an hour away which isn't all that bad, considering he could be much farther away than that. I never once said it was healthy relationship either, it had many ups and downs. But I think there were many things that caused us to fight as mentioned, the long distance and the age difference..those were things we couldn't control. BUT there were things that we could control. Example, treating each other better, communicating effectively.. and in the end thats what led to the break up, we did not treat each other as well as we should have, thats what caused those feelings to fade. I learned a lot from the relationship, but still I will always ask myself why we couldn't do something so simple as to treat each right? When everything else was there, things that some people strive to find..the chemistry, connection, and emotional/physical attraction that we had. Edited December 4, 2009 by XKatieX
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