star12 Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 its been just over 2 weeks since he broke up with me and im still devastated. i no every1 says that n/c is the way to go but what do u do when there is a child involved. he loves our daughter very much and both of us have said that she is the most important thing and i want him to see her whenever he wants, but that also means i have to see him too. i can barely look at him when he comes to collect her and even when im having an ok day seeing him brings all my feeling back to the top!! i wish i could hate him and it would be so much easier if he was acting like an ******* but hes not. how am i ever supposed to move on with my life (yeah right!) when i see him almost every day??? please give me some advice any at all would be appricated....
Author star12 Posted November 30, 2009 Author Posted November 30, 2009 shes 3, and shes fine because shes sees him so much
Boundary Problem Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 My son was 5 when we separated. First thing we did was agree not to come inside each other's homes unless invited. Meaning stay on the door stoop and child will come to you. That way you don't find him wandering around your home when you come downstairs in your pjs. Once you are secure with that, then do everything you can to minimize hassle, e.g. get an extra carseat for in the hallway closet so you aren't borrowing things from each other etc. Buy complete second set of children's clothing and expect that the good stuff always disappears. Interact via email only. No personal chit chat. Until the drama dies down. Go out with girlfriends so you can make idle conversation when he shows up. That's just off the top of my head.
Printer Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 Nobody ever prepares you for a break up, especially when children are involved. Wouldn't life be so much easier if you didn't have kids. I have a 13 year old boy, who is obviously older than yours and can maybe understand what is going on, but I am sure will be affected by our seperation at some stage in his life. I wish it never happened, but I know I have to be strong for him, despite his mother trying to buy his love, and show him all the love and affection I can, which my parents showed me. I know he is in the right place right now, as his mum needs to find herself, after us being together for 24 years. I know how difficult it must be for you right now, but things will improve. Trust me.
Author star12 Posted November 30, 2009 Author Posted November 30, 2009 that really helps, at the moment i dont say anything to him i just kiss her goodbye and tell her to have a good time, i think he feels awkward too cause he finds it hard to look at me too. i just close the door and burst into tears when he leaves. i cant stop thinking of all the things we will never do together as a family again and all the little things i want to tell him about her day in playschool (she just started) shes a really funny outgoing little girl and im so worried that all this will change who she is... i always wanted her to have both parents together as i came from a broken family and always envied my friends doin stuff as a family, i feel like ive let her down even though i dont really know what i could have done different, i know i shouldnt blame myself but i cant help it.
Author star12 Posted November 30, 2009 Author Posted November 30, 2009 thanks printer i suppose i should be grateful shes so young and doesnt really know whats goin on, she doesnt even look 4 him because she has seen him almost every day.
luv2shop Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 its been just over 2 weeks since he broke up with me and im still devastated. i no every1 says that n/c is the way to go but what do u do when there is a child involved. he loves our daughter very much and both of us have said that she is the most important thing and i want him to see her whenever he wants, but that also means i have to see him too. i can barely look at him when he comes to collect her and even when im having an ok day seeing him brings all my feeling back to the top!! i wish i could hate him and it would be so much easier if he was acting like an ******* but hes not. how am i ever supposed to move on with my life (yeah right!) when i see him almost every day??? please give me some advice any at all would be appricated.... wow.. we are feeling exactly the same way.. when i drop off my daughter i feeel a burst of anger seeing him and barely knowing we talk.. ive been telling him that i want to work this out.. but i think its showing that im desperate.. its been 6 months and im pysically emotionally and sad.. ive been going through depression crying when i talk about it.. i lost my grandma and my aunt also. that was the saddest .. its like i lost 3 peeople . he says bad things puts me down adn talks bad.. i do the same text and say bad things.. also. very bad i think im becoming pycho.. we split when my daughter was 5 months.. and now shes one.we missed her best milestone.her first bday.. ive been crying and then feel up and then down. .financilly im not ok.. im a license nurse. i have no food in my fridge.. we moved our seperate ways in may. i was lonely and had noone to go home to. the holidays are here.i just want this to be back to normal. my family and friends are not here to listen . i guess on here i feel sooo much better that i am not alone. pls keep me posted and we will supoort each other. i definitely know what u are feeling... i tried to prove that i would be different and its really hard when theres a kid involved. breaks my heart.my daughter is one now and she was 5 months.. pls give me advice. i dont know what to do..
luv2shop Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 its been just over 2 weeks since he broke up with me and im still devastated. i no every1 says that n/c is the way to go but what do u do when there is a child involved. he loves our daughter very much and both of us have said that she is the most important thing and i want him to see her whenever he wants, but that also means i have to see him too. i can barely look at him when he comes to collect her and even when im having an ok day seeing him brings all my feeling back to the top!! i wish i could hate him and it would be so much easier if he was acting like an ******* but hes not. how am i ever supposed to move on with my life (yeah right!) when i see him almost every day??? please give me some advice any at all would be appricated.... wow.. we are feeling exactly the same way.. when i drop off my daughter i feeel a burst of anger seeing him and barely knowing we talk.. ive been telling him that i want to work this out.. but i think its showing that im desperate.. its been 6 months and im pysically emotionally and sad.. ive been going through depression crying when i talk about it.. i lost my grandma and my aunt also. that was the saddest .. its like i lost 3 peeople . he says bad things puts me down adn talks bad.. i do the same text and say bad things.. also. very bad i think im becoming pycho.. we split when my daughter was 5 months.. and now shes one.we missed her best milestone.her first bday.. ive been crying and then feel up and then down. .financilly im not ok.. im a license nurse. i have no food in my fridge.. we moved our seperate ways in may. i was lonely and had noone to go home to. the holidays are here.i just want this to be back to normal. my family and friends are not here to listen . i guess on here i feel sooo much better that i am not alone. pls keep me posted and we will supoort each other. i definitely know what u are feeling... i tried to prove that i would be different and its really hard when theres a kid involved. breaks my heart.my daughter is one now and she was 5 months.. pls give me advice. i dont know what to do.. ,y body aches are horrible. financially and ive been anxious.. i m 30
CaliGuy Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 its been just over 2 weeks since he broke up with me and im still devastated. i no every1 says that n/c is the way to go but what do u do when there is a child involved. he loves our daughter very much and both of us have said that she is the most important thing and i want him to see her whenever he wants, but that also means i have to see him too. i can barely look at him when he comes to collect her and even when im having an ok day seeing him brings all my feeling back to the top!! i wish i could hate him and it would be so much easier if he was acting like an ******* but hes not. how am i ever supposed to move on with my life (yeah right!) when i see him almost every day??? please give me some advice any at all would be appricated.... Some advice for NC with children: 1. Keep your contact to a minimum. 2. Don't act down and depressed when he comes over. 3. Don't ask him any personal questions. 4. Do not answer any personal questions. 5. Any contact should be business-like and professional. 6. Avoid arguments.
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