PearlGirl5 Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 Hello All, I'm new here and have been enjoying reading some of the posts and advice that people have been giving. My situation is I've been married for about 9 years now with 2 kids. I decided to snoop on my husbands laptop to discover he has been looking at the "Women Looking for Men" ads on Craigslist. What stumps me is that he has been doing this everyday for at least a month and plus he is using his work laptop knowing very well he can get fired for this. I assumed he is doing this on his work laptop so he would hide this from me. I confronted him on it and he just stated that he just reads them and looks at the pictures. He has not contacted any of them. I, unfortunately, did not go through his email so I am not sure if that is true or not. I asked why his work computer and he stated that he did not want to use the home computer in case the kids see it, which does make sense. What do you guys thinks??
quankanne Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 ask him point-blank what his intentions are, if he thinks there are problems within the marriage that y'all need to address together, if he realizes that kind of information on a work machine is double-damning with his employers. and don't let him hem or haw, just tell him you want unembellished, direct answers. Then go from there. he could be up to no good, or he could just be curious about the kind of people who use those kinds of sites.
mem11363 Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 He is evaluating his options. Why is he doing that? Does he still love you? Do you love him? Is your sex life good, not so good, bad? Because this behavior will only stop when the underlying cause is addressed. Hello All, I'm new here and have been enjoying reading some of the posts and advice that people have been giving. My situation is I've been married for about 9 years now with 2 kids. I decided to snoop on my husbands laptop to discover he has been looking at the "Women Looking for Men" ads on Craigslist. What stumps me is that he has been doing this everyday for at least a month and plus he is using his work laptop knowing very well he can get fired for this. I assumed he is doing this on his work laptop so he would hide this from me. I confronted him on it and he just stated that he just reads them and looks at the pictures. He has not contacted any of them. I, unfortunately, did not go through his email so I am not sure if that is true or not. I asked why his work computer and he stated that he did not want to use the home computer in case the kids see it, which does make sense. What do you guys thinks??
Author PearlGirl5 Posted November 30, 2009 Author Posted November 30, 2009 I believe our relationship and sex life is good. It's at least 3x a week and we get along great and are still very passionate. His reasons were that he was trying to find ways to enhance our sex life. I read some of the listings but I just don't see how some of those things can enhance one's sex life so I do not know if he is lying to me about it or what his intentions are. He has a job that is very flexible during his work hours so anything can be possible without detecting an affair. I love him him deeply and know that I am happy. He says he is happy and he loves me but how do I know it is the truth.
TinyLee222 Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 Hello All, I'm new here and have been enjoying reading some of the posts and advice that people have been giving. My situation is I've been married for about 9 years now with 2 kids. I decided to snoop on my husbands laptop to discover he has been looking at the "Women Looking for Men" ads on Craigslist. What stumps me is that he has been doing this everyday for at least a month and plus he is using his work laptop knowing very well he can get fired for this. I assumed he is doing this on his work laptop so he would hide this from me. I confronted him on it and he just stated that he just reads them and looks at the pictures. He has not contacted any of them. I, unfortunately, did not go through his email so I am not sure if that is true or not. I asked why his work computer and he stated that he did not want to use the home computer in case the kids see it, which does make sense. What do you guys thinks?? I am wondering what made you decide to check out his work lap top computer? Were you suspicious? How is your marriage? Has your husband given you any clues that he may be cheating? You know it may be innocent and if he was looking at regular porn I might not be as worried. I agree with the other posters to sit him down and ask him point black what is going on. I am also wondering if he has his own ad. I am sure if he did it is gone by now. He is using his work computer because he didn't want you to find it. It's not about the kids. He had better be careful. My husband fired two employees for having porn on their laptops. The IT guy found loads of it when he was adding some new software. I hope you get the answers you want and I wish you well. Lee
Author PearlGirl5 Posted November 30, 2009 Author Posted November 30, 2009 Thanks for the advice Lee. I checked out his laptop because I have had a history of cheating boyfriends in the past so I'm always kind of curious if there is something going on. May be paranoia on my end. I don't think I have reasons to believe he is cheating but there are things that seem off. For one, I am a very open person. He can talk to me about anything. We watch porn together and are very open about it and that's why I wonder why he would hide this from me. I can understand using "porn" to enhance our sex life but not sure how Craiglists ads would, so it makes me wonder if there is more to this picture than meets the eye. I personally think our marriage is great but I can only speak on my end. I'm so involved with work and the kids but I still manage to find some alone time with my husband no matter how tired I am. I have asked him point blank and he swears by " I like to read the posts and pictures and find ways to enhance our sex life. I want to be a better lover for you!!"
New_Life08 Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 It probably started out innocently, just looking to see if people REALLY are advertising on Craig's list. But I have my doubts about innocence if it has been ongoing. Even without bad intentions, it is not a healthy past-time when you are in a relationship, or particularly when you're married. I would muster up as much trust as you can and accept his excuses for now. But you should make it clear that it is unacceptable to you and if it continues the only thing he will be looking at on Craigs List is for a place to live!
lonelyandfrustrated Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 I think I would let his employer know, and let the boy suffer his consequences. Some employers won't care if he uses work resources or time to philander, some will. fwiw, I sometimes read craigslist ads, in all categories, out of curiosity. I think my H might have an issue if I was looking at 'men looking for women' ads only, but I also look at M2M, F2F, and 'women looking for men'. TBH, I'm looking for incriminating photos of people I know. lol. People who post photos on craigs, adult friend finder, and ashley madison are IDIOTS. Because there's people like me, watching, only too happy to forward on the screenshots to their employers, spouses, and clergy. lol. Craigs women are usually paid, so watch the bank account and card charges.
HUFI Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 I think I would let his employer know, and let the boy suffer his consequences. Some employers won't care if he uses work resources or time to philander, some will. fwiw, I sometimes read craigslist ads, in all categories, out of curiosity. I think my H might have an issue if I was looking at 'men looking for women' ads only, but I also look at M2M, F2F, and 'women looking for men'. TBH, I'm looking for incriminating photos of people I know. lol. People who post photos on craigs, adult friend finder, and ashley madison are IDIOTS. Because there's people like me, watching, only too happy to forward on the screenshots to their employers, spouses, and clergy. lol. Craigs women are usually paid, so watch the bank account and card charges. lonelyandfrustrated - Sorry for the threadjack but .. can you clarify that statement of yours where you say "" Because there's people like me, watching, only too happy to forward on the screenshots to their employers, spouses, and clergy. lol."" Was that just a stab at humour or are you serious? I find it a bit disturbing to think that there are "affair vigilantes" out there.
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