red_cloud Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 I'm not sure how to deal with my lack of motivation. Whenever an important relationships ends, even when I realize its for the best, I just feel so lifeless after. Kind of like a wet noodle.. things aren't as funny, everything takes longer to do and process, loss in interests, general tiredness and so on. I have things I need to do and I do do them, but just lacking in general enthusiasm. I want to be happy and I want to be vibrant and full of life, but I just don't have the energy for it and frankly I think I'd be content staring at the wall all day long as much as I'd be doing the most exciting thing I can think off. How do I get myself back on track???
sean1970 Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 How do I get myself back on track??? I felt the same way. Trying new things had to become a habit for me. Get out of the routine you are in and try to make them social. I hated being around new people after (and was Mr. Poopy pants at most in the beginning) but it is almost impossible to stay in a rut when you meet a get to like new people.
teanoranges Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 Yea, you kind of have to force it on yourself. I'm working on getting up and going to a coffee shop (alone) just to get out more. I just moved back to my home city and know no one! Its tough. I was looking for a job and getting down about my life, but kept going. Now, I have a job that keeps my mind occupied. Just got to keep busy, which is hard for a lazy person who doesn't really want to deal with the meeting of new people. hahaha!! Its like I forgot how to converse and could care less. But I'm thinking of conversing with people by starting out with less-than basic stuff, sort of for shock value? Experiment.
RoMeIx Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 I am going through the same thing myself. I have felt like this for almost 3 months now. Its like you lose your drive to do anything. I am a psychology student so I wanted to try to really figure out what exactly is happening. I think that when you are in a relationship with someone, your plans for the future tend to revolve around the other person and the relationship in general. So when you lose that relationship, you lose your motivation to move forward. Its like you lose the future you were planning for. In my case, I planned to marry my girlfriend, get a house with her, travel with her etc... but then we broke up, so all of my plans for the future were gone. It will be hard, it has been extremely hard for me, but the best thing you can do is take the time to concentrate on you and YOUR future. Wake up at a decent time and go to the gym, make an effort to get out, call and text friends that you havent heard from for a while. Going out and being social really is the best thing to do. If you dwell on the break up for too long, life starts to pass you by.
Dark_of_the_Moon Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 Well you are not alone in this, I have been going through the same things. I do stuff but its just going through the motions. I am not having any fun at stuff, it is just to pass the time. Had a friend not long ago really bark at me about it. Appearantly I am not good at faking things. Which is what I have been doing....fake it til you make it, as they say. I don't really have an answer, wish I did. Just keep moving forward. The thing I am failing at right now, is I really have no interest in meeting and talking to new people. I know I have to change this, but I am not at the place right now where I can. I just don't trust people right now.
Author red_cloud Posted December 1, 2009 Author Posted December 1, 2009 I started this thread, but what has really helped me has been the idea of applying procrastination to feelings. Like, when you don't want to do something, you put it off until later. The same thing, when I want to feel bad, I try to tell myself, okay, I'll feel bad later. I'll come home and then I'll make dinner and then go to the gym and sulk for three hours. Once you get to that part of the to do list, there's not that much to sulk about.
sean1970 Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 Well you are not alone in this, I have been going through the same things. I do stuff but its just going through the motions. I am not having any fun at stuff, it is just to pass the time. Had a friend not long ago really bark at me about it. Appearantly I am not good at faking things. Which is what I have been doing....fake it til you make it, as they say. I don't really have an answer, wish I did. Just keep moving forward. The thing I am failing at right now, is I really have no interest in meeting and talking to new people. I know I have to change this, but I am not at the place right now where I can. I just don't trust people right now. I have also noticed that my attitude at work sucks. Im not mean to anyone, Im just the guys that sits in his office now where I used to be the one that cracked jokes and picked others up. It has been so long, that I think people just see me this way now... It is troubling to think this breakup has changed me in this regard at a fundamental level.
USMCHokie Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 I'm not sure how to deal with my lack of motivation. (1) Watch Ninja Assassin. (2) Learn to use a katana to dismember enemies. (3) Get ninja abs. That should pretty much do it...
USMCHokie Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 But seriously though... It definitely took me a little while to get motivated to do things...so it may just take some time to get your mind right again... Even after 4 and a half months, there are still some things that just aren't as fun anymore...I used to play golf competitively before I started dating my ex...then that kind of got pushed aside as I was spending all my time with her...but then I introduced her to the game and started teaching her how to play...then it became something we did together, and she got pretty good...after the breakup, I didn't touch a club for about 2 months...and when I went out the for the first time after that, I played one hole, turned around, and went home...even now, if I manage to go out, it's just not as fun as it used to be, and I spend the whole time thinking about her... If you aren't particularly motivated to do something, perhaps take a break from it...I know it's tough to take a break from life or work...but try new things...get your creative or competitive juices flowing in something completely new...newness tends to help with motivation...whether it's a new sport, or new activity, or a new group of people...
sean1970 Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 but then I introduced her to the game and started teaching her how to play... I did the same thing, although, 18 holes our first time out was probably not a good idea I have some of it on video (cracks me up but, of course I can never watch it again...). I have not golfed since that time in June...
Dark_of_the_Moon Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 Yeah Sean, that is how it is with me. I am there, but that is all. I am not mean or anything to people, but I am also not the person I was before. Just things seem rather pointless right now. You do what you have to do, cause it has to be done. USMCHokie, I have done that also....just backed off the things I used to do with him. At first I would not, because I will be DAMNed if I let him ruin the things I like to do. But, its just not the fun it used to be with those cursed memories always popping up. So I took a two month break and hope things will improve again.
LexiB Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 I started this thread, but what has really helped me has been the idea of applying procrastination to feelings. Like, when you don't want to do something, you put it off until later. The same thing, when I want to feel bad, I try to tell myself, okay, I'll feel bad later. I'll come home and then I'll make dinner and then go to the gym and sulk for three hours. Once you get to that part of the to do list, there's not that much to sulk about. Very interesting advice Red. Will try it out in the future!
HeavenOrHell Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 I'm just going through the motions. I miss having a laugh, I miss feeling happy. I miss having things to look forward to. I am keeping busy but I don't look forward to anything now, it all seems pointless. I'm a little ray of sunshine aren't I Yeah Sean, that is how it is with me. I am there, but that is all. I am not mean or anything to people, but I am also not the person I was before. Just things seem rather pointless right now. You do what you have to do, cause it has to be done. USMCHokie, I have done that also....just backed off the things I used to do with him. At first I would not, because I will be DAMNed if I let him ruin the things I like to do. But, its just not the fun it used to be with those cursed memories always popping up. So I took a two month break and hope things will improve again.
adamt Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 (edited) I went through lack of motivation. Every day seemed a struggle. i couldnt sleep or eat much. So what i did was to focus on myself by joining a gym and set out a plan to get fit and into shape. i also ate super healthy. Surprisingly, going for a work out and eating healthy food cleared my head,gave me more energy and helped with my confidence. Physical tiredness wil help you sleep and relax more. you feel a lot better after a work out. I lost 21lbs and everyone notices how well i look. i am toned now. i know go to the gym 3-4 times a week and feel grumpy if i dont go after work! I would recommend it to anyone. You just have to do little steps at a time, push yourself outside your comfort zone. sometimes it will be difficult to deal with but you have to go through it to move on inch by inch Edited December 2, 2009 by adamt
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