Lanay Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 I have been with my boyfriend for 8yrs 7 months and 2 kids. He is 9 yrs younger than me. We have been living together for all of the years we have been together. We had our share of problems. He lost his job in the beginning of the relationship and i had to take care of him and the 3 kids i already had from a previous relationship. After about 6 months he found a job and things were back on track. Then, he had a really bad seizure and could not work for almost a year and i was taking care of the family again. Well, things finally got back on track with his employment situation and 2yrs after that we decided to buy a home together, since the home we had been living in was a home that i owned. Well i didn't mentioned that during all of this that he was very verbally abusive. (but, i forgave him). Things had gotten better far as the verbal abuse and we decided to buy a home and i also gave birth to his first child (a boy). We found a home and about 3 days after we closed on the home i found out he was cheating on me. We seperated for about 3 months and then he pulled me back in hook, line and sinker by calling me and telling me that he had been really sick with his epilepsy ( i fell for it). Everything was going ok then, i found out that the company i worked for for almost 9yrs was closing down my department. My boyfriend and i have had many previous conversations about moving to another state and he always wanted to move to TX. I never gave it a second thought because all of my family was where we were already living. Well when my company announced that my department was closing, i called my boyfriend and we decided to move to Tx because the economy was better and also, his companies corporate office was there. I agreed to it because we had been together for almost 6yrs at this time and had previously talked about marriage but, it was always something going on so we never really went into details. We moved and i got the home sick blues so bad and started to get depressed and things went down hill from there for about 6 months. I started feeling better and i had already found a job about 1 month after we had moved and 1 yr later i was pregnant again with his second child (another boy). At, this time i brought up marriage again because i said enough was enough. Well, he had gotten an attitude as soon as i asked him and said that he was not planning on marrying me for another 7-10yrs but, he wanted us to stay together and save money and buy another house together. He also, stated that "i should have just shut up and not brought up marriage because he might have asked me" (those exact words). I told him that i was leaving because i couldn't keep having his kids, saving money and buying houses if we weren't married. Basically, he stuck to how he felt and i stuck to how i felt and we decided to go seperate ways. But, before we moved out, i found out that he had already been meeting other women, that really sealed the deal. I thought that after i took care of him for almost 2yrs when he lost his job and got sick and could not work and had his kids, that he would fight to keep his family but, he didn't. I do know that i loved him very much and i know that he loved me too but, i guess not enough. I thought that i could not live my life without him and i'm still not sure but, i had to let it go. I now live with my 2 boys and my ex haven't even told me where he lives at but, now he comes over almost everyday and always buys me things and keep asking, if we are going to get back together. My gut is telling me NO! Did i and am i making the right decision. Sorry for the long drawn out story but, i have no body to talk to and i wanted y'all to understand all the details.
norajane Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 Yes, you made the right decision. NO, do not take this verbally abusive cheater back. Ever. Now, make another good decision and speak to a lawyer immediately and file for child support. Your children are entitled to legal protections and financial support from this guy. Don't leave it up to him to provide financial support - especially since he won't even tell you where he lives.
lostmirthfulness Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 I have disagree w/norajane Well this guy might not be the best catch, the OP has allowed this life style of living together and popping out kids to happen. I understand she wanted to get married, but what is the big deal about marriage? You two are together and have each other, live together and have children together? your married just without the title. The shut up about marriage comment might have been spot on as well. I know from previous experience when I was thinking about marriage and the ex brought it up, I stopped thinking about it for awhile, because I wanted to know that I was doing it for the both of us and not just her.
norajane Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 And the cheating? How do you rationalize that away?
RedDevil66 Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 Marriage is not even relevent in this picture. Why would you want to be with a abusive cheater? Don't you want your kids to be around an healthier person? Don't you want better? You made the 101% correct choice.
Author Lanay Posted December 1, 2009 Author Posted December 1, 2009 Well, the marriage thing, everyone has his or her own opinion. But, i do agree that i did allow the living together and the kids to happen. That's why i was so angry with myself but, you live and you learn. This will not happen again!!!
Author Lanay Posted December 1, 2009 Author Posted December 1, 2009 I don't rationalize the cheating. I use to be one of those women saying that certain situations i would never allow and i done the opposite. I get so angry at myself sometimes. I can't believe that i was so strong and became so weak and i think that he has some blame because i feel that he took advantage of me. Now he is on his feet and doing good.
lostmirthfulness Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 Crap! I read over the cheating thing, so sorry!
bluestraps Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 Im very sensitive to both the cheating issues and the non marriage also. You can forgive a cheater with the right spirit and with some time and possibly counciling. My ex cheated on me 3 times in 10 years. In 10 years marriage came up many times . My ex girlfriend does not work and does not drive so Id need to be able to support her. My situation was not at the point where we could get married, But I wanted to marry her . We had argued about it many times . Just recently I think she got tired of waiting and also found another guy. If he didnt want to marry you then I would say all things concidered you made a good choice. If I were him after all the time and your having kids and a family with him And if he loved you he would marry you. I hate to say it but he sounds like he's taken you for granted.
bluestraps Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 Im very sensitive to both the cheating issues and the non marriage also. You can forgive a cheater with the right spirit and with some time and possibly counciling. My ex cheated on me 3 times in 10 years. In 10 years marriage came up many times . My ex girlfriend does not work and does not drive so Id need to be able to support her. My situation was not at the point where we could get married, But I wanted to marry her . We had argued about it many times . Just recently I think she got tired of waiting and also found another guy. If he didnt want to marry you then I would say all things concidered you made a good choice. If I were him after all the time and your having kids and a family with him And if he loved you he would marry you. I hate to say it but he sounds like he's taken you for granted.
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