Woggle Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 I do know some men who are treated with utter contempt at home. They seem to be very very in love with their wives, who frankly could take them or leave them. I've divorced and I'm viewed with envy by the other women. Emotional needs - therein lies the crux of the issue. Master a woman's emotions and you gain entry to all that you want. I think this is where most married men eventually end up and people wonder why single men who witness this are so afraid of marriage.
Author ComeUndone Posted December 4, 2009 Author Posted December 4, 2009 If you get what you put in why is it that the men I know who would literally die for their women are the ones getting cheated on left and right and being treated with utter contempt at home? I see what you mean about emotional needs but who knows what the hell they are? Most women are simply unpleasable. Most women are not unpleasable... that's just a copout. When things go downhill in a marriage it's usually because both are slacking in some area... communication, affection, time, etc. This does not apply to cheating of course. You may in fact know some men whose wives are unfaithful, but I'll bet the stats on this one point more towards higher percentages of men cheating than women.
muse08 Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 If you get what you put in why is it that the men I know who would literally die for their women are the ones getting cheated on left and right and being treated with utter contempt at home? sometimes this happens when men who used to cheat try to start being mr nice guy...of course you still get no respect after that. people don't forget stuff. no matter how nice your woman would try to act and how badly people want to forget, things resurface mentally and some things are not easy to shake. this is when men(and women) have to think before they act. once the betrayal starts, a viscous cycle begins...people don't always know the whole story of why a wife or girlfriend is being cold or resentful. keep that in mind.
Boundary Problem Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 What's the problem. They are very very in love with their wives. They have what they want. It is the women who don't have what they want. Which is why women are leading in filing for divorce.
Woggle Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 What's the problem. They are very very in love with their wives. They have what they want. It is the women who don't have what they want. Which is why women are leading in filing for divorce. No matter what a man gives most women will never have what they want.
Author ComeUndone Posted December 4, 2009 Author Posted December 4, 2009 Emotional needs - therein lies the crux of the issue. Master a woman's emotions and you gain entry to all that you want. I agree...
Woggle Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 How can a man possibly master something that makes no sense whatsoever and can change by the hour?
Boundary Problem Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 No matter what a man gives most women will never have what they want. I don't know about that. I think that the calibration is soooo sensitive that you are right in most marriages - it is a mismatch. But the odd odd time, you see a relationship that is properly calibrated, and it is like a symphony. Everybody notice, hears and appreciates it for the beauty that it is. All other relationships - are basically companionship with perks - in my opinion.
Boundary Problem Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 How can a man possibly master something that makes no sense whatsoever and can change by the hour? Some men are very capable of mastering it. Very very capable. I would go so far as to say that they understand women's emotions and their triggers and their likely emotional responses - far better than the women themselves.
Chrome Barracuda Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 Yeah you definitely gotta be on the same wavelength... If you are it's a wonderful thing.
Woggle Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 I don't know about that. I think that the calibration is soooo sensitive that you are right in most marriages - it is a mismatch. But the odd odd time, you see a relationship that is properly calibrated, and it is like a symphony. Everybody notice, hears and appreciates it for the beauty that it is. All other relationships - are basically companionship with perks - in my opinion. Then the woman gets bored with this symphony and looks at him like a brother.
Woggle Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 Some men are very capable of mastering it. Very very capable. I would go so far as to say that they understand women's emotions and their triggers and their likely emotional responses - far better than the women themselves. These men are called players and are great at telling women the BS they want to hear.
Boundary Problem Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 Yeah you definitely gotta be on the same wavelength... If you are it's a wonderful thing. yup. I would say that some people you are on the same wavelength for say 5 years, but then one outgrows the other. But the odd person, you are on the same wavelength no matter how many decades go by. That I believe to be rare. An inifinitely precious. We're talking marriage in this thread, but this actually applies to long time friendships with classmates (same sex).
Author ComeUndone Posted December 4, 2009 Author Posted December 4, 2009 If you get what you put in why is it that the men I know who would literally die for their women are the ones getting cheated on left and right and being treated with utter contempt at home? sometimes this happens when men who used to cheat try to start being mr nice guy...of course you still get no respect after that. people don't forget stuff. no matter how nice your woman would try to act and how badly people want to forget, things resurface mentally and some things are not easy to shake. this is when men(and women) have to think before they act. once the betrayal starts, a viscous cycle begins...people don't always know the whole story of why a wife or girlfriend is being cold or resentful. keep that in mind. Yes I was just thinking about this. He might very well know such men but the reality is that he doesn't know all the story. Of course his friends are going to tell him all about how their wife has betrayed them, how bad she will look... but who knows what HER reason is for cheating. Who knows what all happens behind closed doors. Who knows what his flaws are... and I doubt he's as loose-lipped about those.
Woggle Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 I know it always the man's fault according to you guys but maybe there are some men who get a raw deal. Maybe not all women are perfect little angels who are constantly victimized by men.
Boundary Problem Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 Then the woman gets bored with this symphony and looks at him like a brother. If she is in love with him, she won't. "Him" meaning the marriage partner, not the brother.
Woggle Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 If she is in love with him, she won't. "Him" meaning the marriage partner, not the brother. Women's love almost always has an expiration date.
muse08 Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 These men are called players and are great at telling women the BS they want to hear. True sometimes. However, if the actions match with the words that we want to hear then it's all good. If not then, it's not a good thing. Many times women can sense when a guy is just blowing smoke opposed to being sincere...not all women ignore the cheap talk right away, but lots of us let a guy talk as much as he wants until we can no longer stomach it.
Boundary Problem Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 Women's love almost always has an expiration date. Sort of like their love for their children? No. If a woman truly truly loves a man, (tired sigh) there is no escaping that love. It simply is.
Woggle Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 Sort of like their love for their children? No. If a woman truly truly loves a man, (tired sigh) there is no escaping that love. It simply is. How many women truly love a man though?
muse08 Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 Yes I was just thinking about this. He might very well know such men but the reality is that he doesn't know all the story. Of course his friends are going to tell him all about how their wife has betrayed them, how bad she will look... but who knows what HER reason is for cheating. Who knows what all happens behind closed doors. Who knows what his flaws are... and I doubt he's as loose-lipped about those. touche! So many men are very dishonest with the rest of the world about their plight in a relationship.
Boundary Problem Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 How many women truly love a man though? For one man, he's lucky if he finds one, two or three women in his lifetime that truly know him and love him for who he is. And I'm referring to his whole lifetime. Sometimes people are widowed and find love again later in life, so they are fortunate. I don't think he has to love to the same depth. I think men fall in love over time as they see the situation and as they build trust. Men don't fall in "true love" over weeks.
Author ComeUndone Posted December 4, 2009 Author Posted December 4, 2009 Originally Posted by Boundary Problem Some men are very capable of mastering it. Very very capable. I would go so far as to say that they understand women's emotions and their triggers and their likely emotional responses - far better than the women themselves. These men are called players and are great at telling women the BS they want to hear. It takes a man who really knows and understands a woman, such as a husband who is in tune and connected to his wife, to master this, and I know plenty of men who do. They are not players spewing BS... that's a shallow way of thinking. Do you BS your wife when she needs your emotional support or are you connected to her on a deeper level and know how to meet her emotional needs?
muse08 Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 How many women truly love a man though? lol...awww woggle...you're a funny guy. plenty of women TRULY love their guy!
Boundary Problem Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 but lots of us let a guy talk as much as he wants until we can no longer stomach it. Pretty much. But at a certain point we're looking for actions. Often these men are charismatic and charming and entertaining, which brings value. But yeah, after a while we need some substance to keep our interest.
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