ComeUndone Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 I read so much about couples that have been together for years and SHE is waiting for HIM to propose. A lot of women feel this push for marriage, but what about the men? What makes a man want to get married rather than just keeping the title of "the boyfriend"?
New Again Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 What makes a man want to get married rather than just keeping the title of "the boyfriend"? When: he's going baldall his friends are married/having babieshe doesn't get as much attention/isn't as successful in picking up women in bars as he used to be
ADF Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 Frankly, I think the majority of men marry because they feel like they have to, not because they want to. Most men would be perfectly happy just "hanging out" with a woman forever. Many men dread marriage. They associate marriage with a loss of freedom, the end of youth, and fear financial ruin following divorce. There was a time when a man needed to get married if he wanted to have sex, live with a woman, and maintain the respect of his family and community. That is no longer true. Nowadays, many men see nothing to gain by marriage and, potentially, a great deal to lose.
New Again Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 Frankly, I think the majority of men marry because they feel like they have to, not because they want to. Most men would be perfectly happy just "hanging out" with a woman forever. Many men dread marriage. They associate marriage with a loss of freedom, the end of youth, and fear financial ruin following divorce. There was a time when a man needed to get married if he wanted to have sex, live with a woman, and maintain the respect of his family and community. That is no longer true. Nowadays, many men see nothing to gain by marriage and, potentially, a great deal to lose. Yup, this. And then when the things in my first post start happening, he decides he better marry the girl he's dating so she doesn't dump him, because probably he knows/thinks most women would not be OK with just "hanging out" forever.
Devil Inside Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 I think there are some that do. However the BF that hangs around and finally "gives in" is seeing it as the lesser of two evils...get married or lose the girl. So he is not choosing to get married. but rather doing what he has to in order to keep the relationship.
threebyfate Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 Marriage is something you either believe in or not, regardless of gender. I do and so did most of the guys I got involved with, in the past. My H. and I believe that we wanted to spend our entire lives together, so we bit the bullet and got married. On LS, A LOT of the members are bitter and cynical, due to recent break up, a lack of success with the opposite gender or for a number of other reasons, like misogyny and misandry. So many of the responses will be weighted by all this baggage, when talking about marriage. And of course, you'll find some who don't believe in marriage...period.
Author ComeUndone Posted November 30, 2009 Author Posted November 30, 2009 When: he's going baldall his friends are married/having babieshe doesn't get as much attention/isn't as successful in picking up women in bars as he used to be Regarding 1 & 3: so basically your take is that insecurity drives some men? Once they feel that they aren't "as good" as they used to be only then are they interested in marriage?
deux ex machina Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 There are some legitmately marriage-minded men out there. Very attractive, desirable ones, as well.
pandagirl Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 I'm sure some men really feel that desire to get married. However, men do view marriage differently, I think. I can only speak to myself, but I see marriage as an emotional thing: a symbol of deep love and commitment. I think men see marriage as the "next step" in life, like: ok, got the college degree, have a good job, am financially secure, have a girlfriend, time to get married. It's more of a check they can cross off the list so they can feel more "established." Or men get married because the woman wants to. My brother is probably the best husband around. Him and his wife dated for 8 years before he propose. Her only request was that they got married before she was 30 and he fulfilled his promise to that. But as he says, "I felt no need or rush to get married, but she wanted to, do we did."
Author ComeUndone Posted November 30, 2009 Author Posted November 30, 2009 Frankly, I think the majority of men marry because they feel like they have to, not because they want to. Most men would be perfectly happy just "hanging out" with a woman forever. Many men dread marriage. They associate marriage with a loss of freedom, the end of youth, and fear financial ruin following divorce. There was a time when a man needed to get married if he wanted to have sex, live with a woman, and maintain the respect of his family and community. That is no longer true. Nowadays, many men see nothing to gain by marriage and, potentially, a great deal to lose. Yah, I believe this is a pretty accurate representation of most men.
Yukikazi Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 Marriage is nothing but a contract with the government for the purpose of medical insurance, tax benefits and financial loss once the divorce comes around.
New Again Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 Regarding 1 & 3: so basically your take is that insecurity drives some men? Once they feel that they aren't "as good" as they used to be only then are they interested in marriage? Partly I'm just being facetious. Geez why is everyone so serious?? I have no doubt that for some men, yes, that is exactly what happens. However, also all of those reasons point to growing up/maturing. I think those kinds of things can be or are a catalyst for some men in realizing it's time to stop messing around/playing and get serious. Like: Oh hey, I'm losing my hair....huh, I'm getting older. Maybe I should think about settling down. Same thing when he's trying to pick up women in a bar and realizes he's getting creeped out looks like: what's that middle-aged guy doing here? And there are also many other reasons. Depends on the individual. Some guys want to get married, but not until they're financially secure. Some want to get married, but not until they've f*cked a ton of girls and had their fun. Etc.
phineas Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 I got married because I wanted to settle down & have kids. I wanted a life partner I could always count on. I wanted to wait until my renovation project was completed but she didn't. She was in a rush to get engaged & married. A yr in after we married & had our first kid she was shortly online dateing. Go figure. I'd probably marry again but i won't have any more children & she better have a good job or i'll insist on a pre-nup.
Author ComeUndone Posted November 30, 2009 Author Posted November 30, 2009 I think there are some that do. However the BF that hangs around and finally "gives in" is seeing it as the lesser of two evils...get married or lose the girl. So he is not choosing to get married. but rather doing what he has to in order to keep the relationship. See now this has always confused me. Why on earth would a woman push a marriage-resistant man to get married? I get that she has her reasons for wanting marriage, but if HE needs to be talked into it then why is that okay with her? I can't imagine being happy with that result.
Ms. Joolie Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 What makes a man want to get married rather than just keeping the title of "the boyfriend"? I can only think of two practical reasons: 1) they want a family with children 2) religious beliefs Other than these two reasons, I think guys really have no good reason to get married. As a female, I can think of more reasons to get married, but from a guy's POV? Don't see it. So I imagine that guys who don't really want children or hold no religious beliefs have no reason to get married. Period. .............recently I've thought about what this might mean to me. I don't really feel the need to have children as I hope to dedicate my time to other things. Also, I don't have a church/faith to get married in, so I don't need the religious side of it. Why would I want to get married? Simply for the title of husband and wife and what that means to me. Don't think a guy would see my POV exactly. But I'm opening up I think, I may compromise.... it all depends on who I fall in love with, right?
threebyfate Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 I will lob something else into this thread. Anyone who doesn't fully embrace the institution of marriage, should never get married. Leave marriage to those who believe in it. If this happened, there would be a lot fewer divorces.
thegreatmoose Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 I can only think of two practical reasons: 1) they want a family with children 2) religious beliefs Other than these two reasons, I think guys really have no good reason to get married. As a female, I can think of more reasons to get married, but from a guy's POV? Don't see it. So I imagine that guys who don't really want children or hold no religious beliefs have no reason to get married. Period. That's quite the generalization. There are many additional reasons men want to marry and quite a few are the exact same reasons many women want to marry.
Boundary Problem Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 I will lob something else into this thread. Anyone who doesn't fully embrace the institution of marriage, should never get married. Leave marriage to those who believe in it. If this happened, there would be a lot fewer divorces. So gold-diggers are ok to get married?
Author ComeUndone Posted November 30, 2009 Author Posted November 30, 2009 That's quite the generalization. There are many additional reasons men want to marry and quite a few are the exact same reasons many women want to marry. Then what are they? Can you elaborate?
Sam Spade Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 What makes a man want to get married rather than just keeping the title of "the boyfriend"? Nothing, really, other than facing the prospect of terminating the relationship or having to deal with the a-typical social standing of an otherwise established but unmarried dude. There are plenty of social and practical considerations, but as far as the relationship as such is concerned, marriage adds nothing. Indeed, for the most of human history romantic love and marriage have been completely distinct concepts, only brought in together for the last 200-300 years or so.
Ms. Joolie Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 That's quite the generalization. There are many additional reasons men want to marry and quite a few are the exact same reasons many women want to marry. Really?? lol. Okay, I admit I may be unenlightened in this subject. But I have thought about it.... what are those "many additional reasons" you think? Do I dare think men will marry for love alone?
threebyfate Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 So gold-diggers are ok to get married?Nope. They don't fully embrace the values associated to the institution of marriage. Financial gain isn't a valid reason to get married and neither is fear of loss.
Author ComeUndone Posted November 30, 2009 Author Posted November 30, 2009 Do I dare think men will marry for love alone? I wonder this as well. Are mens reasons for marriage always about practicality or is it ever emotional as it is for many women?
Boundary Problem Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 Do I dare think men will marry for love alone? Maybe they do it out of some sort of family dynastic concept, plus it ensure the wife won't run - and they call it "love". To marry someone is to exert the maximum level of legal control (aside from being a parent) on another person. Somewhat tempting to those who crave/need an ordered environment. (hee hee wait until the screaming babies come.....)
Sam Spade Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 I'm sure some men really feel that desire to get married. However, men do view marriage differently, I think. I can only speak to myself, but I see marriage as an emotional thing: a symbol of deep love and commitment. I think men see marriage as the "next step" in life, like: ok, got the college degree, have a good job, am financially secure, have a girlfriend, time to get married. It's more of a check they can cross off the list so they can feel more "established." Or men get married because the woman wants to. My brother is probably the best husband around. Him and his wife dated for 8 years before he propose. Her only request was that they got married before she was 30 and he fulfilled his promise to that. But as he says, "I felt no need or rush to get married, but she wanted to, do we did." Your bro knows what's up; nothing wrong with getting married to make the girl happy :love:
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