bhgirl Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 Do you think it is wrong to invade your spouse's privacy and check their email and face book accounts? My husband and I have recently reconciled, but he has cheated in the past. I now find myself constantly checking his email accounts and facebook accounts. I read into every little email or instant message and drive myself crazy. Should I just stop doing it and let things be? Of course he is furious that I feel the need to invade his privacy, but he has hurt me in the past and for me this is security that he is not up to his old tricks. I know that if he wants to do something then he could just simply use other means, but this has really become an obession with me. I am worried I will push him away again, but I am also worried that he will have another affair any thoughts is? As a wife do I have a right to invade his privacy?
CarrieT Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 You have a double-edged sword here. If he knows you have his password and has access to his accounts, than there is nothing to be found and no reason to keep snooping. You are only going to make yourself more crazy by the attitude and you know it. You are going to eat yourself up over looking for something and push him away. If you truly want to reconcile, you will have to take a leap of faith and stop reading his emails.
HeavenOrHell Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 Hun, you need trust in a relationship for it to work, I understand your fears totally though. Have you both sat and had a heart to heart? What would help you trust him? Might be worth both going for relationship therapy? Do you think it is wrong to invade your spouse's privacy and check their email and face book accounts? My husband and I have recently reconciled, but he has cheated in the past. I now find myself constantly checking his email accounts and facebook accounts. I read into every little email or instant message and drive myself crazy. Should I just stop doing it and let things be? Of course he is furious that I feel the need to invade his privacy, but he has hurt me in the past and for me this is security that he is not up to his old tricks. I know that if he wants to do something then he could just simply use other means, but this has really become an obession with me. I am worried I will push him away again, but I am also worried that he will have another affair any thoughts is? As a wife do I have a right to invade his privacy?
Beeotch Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 Do you think it is wrong to invade your spouse's privacy and check their email and face book accounts? My husband and I have recently reconciled, but he has cheated in the past. I now find myself constantly checking his email accounts and facebook accounts. I read into every little email or instant message and drive myself crazy. Should I just stop doing it and let things be? Of course he is furious that I feel the need to invade his privacy, but he has hurt me in the past and for me this is security that he is not up to his old tricks. I know that if he wants to do something then he could just simply use other means, but this has really become an obession with me. I am worried I will push him away again, but I am also worried that he will have another affair any thoughts is? As a wife do I have a right to invade his privacy? Are you listening to yourself???? Even using language such as "invade privacy"...the fact you're even posting this, the fact that it is behind his back...it is CLEARLY not the right thing to do and it also CLEARLY does not help you. Honestly, it is evident that this new chance is really not new...it is just the same stuff under false pretense. You pretending to trust him but driving yourself insane by essentially lying to him and searching behind his back. Is it really worth it? You already admit not to be gaining anything....so it is best to be OPEN and get to the bottom of all this than for the rest of your life snooping around to find evidence of cheating. I cannot even imagine it. Which is why I never snoop, because it is opening a can of worms...once you start you continue and you read into all forms of things and are always paranoid and upset. It is just like when u break up with someone but check their Facebook status and all this and have no clue sometimes what is really meant but read into it and upset yourself.....makes no sense. The person has no idea and you have NO peace of mind. You should deal with the realities of the problem and not do what ur doing. It is wrong. Even if you found cheating evidence it is still going to look bad on you because the question would be so why were u going through my stuff BEHIND my back? It is just not a good scenario altogether. Way more cons than pros to it.
DustySaltus Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 My ex fiance checked all my stuff, all the time. When I got engaged to her in a different country I sent my friend an email back in America and told him, "I'm engaged but keep it on the low"....he was the one I bought my ring off of. Now why did I say this? Because he is best friends with my brother and my brother would tell my parents, which I wanted to tell them myself first. Well, she thought I wanted to keep it "on the low" because I still wanted to **** other girls. AFTER I travled 7000 miles to be with her, so you can see there were other issues as well. Multiply this by 25 and you'll see why I have a HUGE problem with this. With that being said, I understand where you are coming from if he did cheat on you in the past. But you need to either start now with a clean slate or move on..this back and forth will drive you INSANE.
Author bhgirl Posted November 30, 2009 Author Posted November 30, 2009 Thanks alot for the advice I do know that is very wrong to do this and I am not sure why I continue to do it. I do think we probably need to talk to a therapist because I am really having a hard time getting the past incident out of my mind. I know I have to let it go to move foward and I love my husband and want to work things out, but it won't work if I continue to invade his privacy.
HeavenOrHell Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 I don't know which country you're in, but I found Relate really helpful. It does sound like you would both benefit from counselling Thanks alot for the advice I do know that is very wrong to do this and I am not sure why I continue to do it. I do think we probably need to talk to a therapist because I am really having a hard time getting the past incident out of my mind. I know I have to let it go to move foward and I love my husband and want to work things out, but it won't work if I continue to invade his privacy.
Recommended Posts