CarrieT Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 Backstory: I make and sell crafts at weekend festivals. Doing so ALONE is really, really hard so I frequently call out to friends to help me with tear down at the end of these events. This particular friend had helped me before so she knows how grueling the labor is. The week before the event, she reiterated her willingness to help. Two days before the event, I texted her to make sure she was available and she confirmed. Then, last night, she was a no-show and a job that takes two people an hour to 45 minutes took me -- alone -- 3 1/2 hours. The crux of this is that this coming weekend, I am having a rather large holiday party and this particular friend has been known to get a bit too drunk at events. I really don't even want her here but I am no good and un-inviting people. Do I call her on her flakiness (thinking she was probably out drinking somewhere)? Do I tell her that she isn't welcome this weekend or just suck it up and then distance myself later?
WTRanger Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 I would just straight up confront her on why she didn't show up. I wouldn't play the game of if she doesn't show up, she is secretly uninvited to your party. Just straight up, no BS, ask her what the hell was with her not showing up. See what she says. If she feeds you a bunch of garbage then dump her as a friend. Who knows? There could be a legit excuse to her not showing up. Its just your mind is wanting to think she hosed you over. Find out for real, then make judgments.
Curious-One Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 Do you give her any money for helping you out? If the labor is grueling as you say and you do it frequently i really hope you give her some compensation for helping you out. Yes i understand she is your friend but i wouldn't be surprised if she got tired of doing it for free. I am assuming you dont give her anything since you didnt mention it. Something to think about...Still no excuse for flaking and not even letting you know.
Author CarrieT Posted December 1, 2009 Author Posted December 1, 2009 Do you give her any money for helping you out? If the labor is grueling as you say and you do it frequently i really hope you give her some compensation for helping you out. Yes i understand she is your friend but i wouldn't be surprised if she got tired of doing it for free. I am assuming you dont give her anything since you didnt mention it. Something to think about...Still no excuse for flaking and not even letting you know. Actually, yes. I pay my friends quite well -- sometimes $50 for an hour or two's worth of work. PLUS I feed them; after the job is done, we usually go to dinner at a pretty decent restaurant. It is interesting that the few friends who absolutely will not accept my money are the ones who never flake. I sent the girl a message and asked her what happened; "What happened? You said you were free for Sunday and had previously offered to help. I understand you are busy, but it would have been helpful to know that you weren't coming, considering you had offered to join me at the event the week prior. I had made us dinner reservations at A16, thinking we would have rapped everything up early. Just disappointed to have not even heard from you at all." No response yet.
Mary3 Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 I really don't like flakers at all and she is not getting a free ticket here for an excuse . But : Is it possible this job is so grueling that she detests it and does not want to refuse it but just flaked anyway ? Maybe she does not know how to say she hates doing it ? Could you hire someone from CL or the newspaper ( Yes CL can be a scary place but maybe meet up with a good strong guy in a public place ) and find yourself NEW reliable HELP ?
Boundary Problem Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 This is a the problem when mixing friends with business. If she can't show up when she promises - then she's no value as an employee. If she can't be honest with you with whatever her problems are - then she's of no value as a friend. Maybe sit back and see if she comes to you. If she actually cares about you, she will initiate contact.
Peaceful Guy Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 (edited) edit: nothing to add.. sorry. Edited December 6, 2009 by Peaceful Guy
Denamarie Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 ugh that reminds me of when my friend volunteered to be my work out buddy but then would ditch me or leave me at the gym waiting for like an hour for her (one time 2 hours) I now work out with some random girl at my work and only invite my friend to come along with me anywhere if I am already going. I say Just don't use her again and don't mix friends with business anymore. It may work out several times, but the one time it doesn't it can completely screw up your friendship. I say tell her that you were concerned that she didn't show up and then leave it at that. No reason to cry over spilled milk- just hire someone next time instead (that's not a friend)
Recommended Posts