TerryW Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 I'm afraid to let him back in and I'm afraid when I push him away. This no man's land is killing me.
seren Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 Hi Terry, No man's land is a good description of the empty void feeling. It follows the punched in the gut feeling, the what now feeling and the do I stay or go time. Anger sometimes follows whch helps to break the nothingness, then the time for rebuilding or getting out. 2 years on from my H's a, we have rebuilt, but the foundations are not the same and no man's land often catches me unawares. It is not realistic to expect the same relationship as before the A so sometimes we just have to go with what we need and what we are happy with. Trust can be re learned, but it is never the same complete trust as before, but it can still be good. I have no real advice, just an understanding of limbo.
Spark1111 Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 And it is completely normal terry! You hate him for what he has done to the relationship: You love him because of your relationship. You fear being alone, without him. You fear being alone with him., because you do not even know who he is anymore. It is all part of the emotional aftermath of betrayal. The rollercoaster is starting. You will take four steps forward, five back. You will just want to wake up and have it be a dream, or be gone...but you will have to wait for that because its a long time coming. Every scary feeling you feel is a part of the process of healing. And one day, you will wake up and know exactly what you will do for you.
foreal Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 I'm afraid to let him back in and I'm afraid when I push him away. This no man's land is killing me. I think this is normal, Terry. It is/was for me. Are you in MC with him? IC for either of you? I am sorry for your hurt ((Terry))
PhoenixRise Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 Terry What you are feeling is absolutely normal. I know it might not make you feel any better to know that you are feeling what many BS feel but it is true. The person you trusted most betrayed you. You don't know whether you are coming or going right now. Take care of yourself. Be very very good to yourself. Don't hide from your true emotions. One day soon you are going to surprise yourself when you realize that you are no longer acting out of fear. One day soon you are going to be able to decide your actions based solely on your own preferences. It will take some time...but you will get here.
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