xoxo88 Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 Imagine this situation: your girlfriend never has the initiative to text you or call you, when you ask her to go out she refuses for certain reasons, she doesn't contact you for days, she doesn't talk much when you meet. You set up a meeting to talk about it, you tell her how you feel neglected, she tells you she had some issues and it's not because she doesn't care but after that meeting she keeps doing the same things. Would you break up with her? And how?
jasoncarter Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 She probably has some issues which she might not be ready to talk about it. If she's not willing to talk about it, can you find out from her friends or family members if she is experiencing some kind of difficulty? Even though you are in a relationship, it doesn't mean she will be comfortable sharing everything with you. Perhaps she's not ready to tell you or she might feel you are not ready to listen. I am no expert, but all she needs might be just a listening ear... kind rgds, ~ Jason:)
EskimoPassingBy Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 Has she always been this way? If she has always been this way then the boyfriend would've known before entering into the relationship.
Author xoxo88 Posted November 30, 2009 Author Posted November 30, 2009 Well i was thinking pretty much the same. It sucks being neglected but when the other person has issues you should be by her side, not turn your back on her. What do you think about the person who walks away from somebody in need only beacuse they are not satisfied with what they get? Isn't that selfish and mean? I think it is very low to abandon someone in this situation but not only that, abandon them in a very lame humiliating way. I wish people like that never existed .
sean1970 Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 Imagine this situation: your girlfriend never has the initiative to text you or call you, when you ask her to go out she refuses for certain reasons, she doesn't contact you for days, she doesn't talk much when you meet. You set up a meeting to talk about it, you tell her how you feel neglected, she tells you she had some issues and it's not because she doesn't care but after that meeting she keeps doing the same things. Would you break up with her? And how? What are the 'issues'?
GorillaTheater Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 Sounds like a pretty horrible girlfriend to me. Not that she's a bad person, but one who's not ready to be in a relationship.
Author xoxo88 Posted November 30, 2009 Author Posted November 30, 2009 So you say she's horrible? Thank you for your honesty. I was just trying to understand my part of the blame. The horrible girlfriend was me. And i was that horrible because i was suffering from depression at the time. Deprresion can affect the way you behave, the way you think, the way you see your present and your future, the way you treat the ones around you. It changes you completely. I know what i did was so damn nasty, but i really cared about him, and man what he did was low. When you realize your partner is not what you want at least have the dignity to break up with them respectfully, especially when you know they are going through tough times and are so weak.
GorillaTheater Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 So you say she's horrible? Thank you for your honesty. I was just trying to understand my part of the blame. The horrible girlfriend was me. And i was that horrible because i was suffering from depression at the time. Deprresion can affect the way you behave, the way you think, the way you see your present and your future, the way you treat the ones around you. It changes you completely. I know what i did was so damn nasty, but i really cared about him, and man what he did was low. When you realize your partner is not what you want at least have the dignity to break up with them respectfully, especially when you know they are going through tough times and are so weak. Depression sucks, believe me I know. But I want to be clear on something: I didn't say that *you* were horrible, but rather that you were a horrible *girlfriend*. The difference is pretty important. All I meant is that you don't sound like you were holding up your end of the relationship, which is only natural given the depression. I hope you feel better now.
Author xoxo88 Posted November 30, 2009 Author Posted November 30, 2009 As i said in the thread, i was refering to the horrible girlfriend not the person because i know too that's an important difference. But still does this situation give you the right to lie and disrespect that person? I don't think so. I personally wouldn't have done what he did if I was faced with something like this. Especially when i didn't do anything that awful to him. As if the damn depression wasn't enough, he just added to the tragedy of the situation .
GorillaTheater Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 As i said in the thread, i was refering to the horrible girlfriend not the person because i know too that's an important difference. But still does this situation give you the right to lie and disrespect that person? I don't think so. I don't think so, either. Sorry, I didn't catch his treatment of you in your other posts. You may not have been such a great girlfriend, but this guy sounds like he pretty much sucked in the boyfriend department. But how are you doing? Are you feeling better?
Author xoxo88 Posted November 30, 2009 Author Posted November 30, 2009 He told somebody we had already broken up when i had no idea it was in his plans, i didn't see it coming. In the meanwhile he asked me to go out with him and his friends. Of course i had no idea about the break up, because that stupid gettaway would have never happend. When we were out that night he treated me like he didn't want me to be there, as if i was disturbing him. After that night i knew what was coming and i was waiting for him to tell me "the big news". A few days later he tells me on messenger that "we need to talk". I knew what it was and i asked him to find a day for it. He had a lame excuse that he didn't have the time the whole month. I told him he can set a date whenever he has the time. And after that he tells me a date won't be necessary anyway and proceeds with the stupid talk. He just refused to meet me and tell it to my face. Lame. Besides being lame that left me deeply hurt. How can you be so mean and selfish? I was already f***ed up, but that break up just pulled the trigger and i collapsed. I am doing pretty well right now. The depression is gone. But i'm still trying to deal with all the pain, anger and humiliation of the break up. I'm just trying to understand everything that happend in order to move on for good and let it go in a healthy way.
EskimoPassingBy Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 If I was him, I would be very concerned about you rather than thinking you're not a good girlfriend. He should be there for you, why else is he your boyfriend if he just neglects you when you're at your lowest?
Author xoxo88 Posted December 1, 2009 Author Posted December 1, 2009 If you read what i wrote above, do you think he was concerned? Hell no! He didn't give a damn about how i felt, he just did what was easier for him. He did it for his own sake. I was a burden to him and he pushed me away.
CaliGuy Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 Imagine this situation: your girlfriend never has the initiative to text you or call you, when you ask her to go out she refuses for certain reasons, she doesn't contact you for days, she doesn't talk much when you meet. You set up a meeting to talk about it, you tell her how you feel neglected, she tells you she had some issues and it's not because she doesn't care but after that meeting she keeps doing the same things. Would you break up with her? And how? For you, yes. For someone else, maybe not. From what you said, it just appears that she isn't into you as much as you are in to her. That or she has some deeply rooted psyhological issues that prevent her from being enthusiastic.
Angel1111 Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 If he knew that you were depressed, then maybe what he did was cold. But if he didn't know and just felt that you didn't care about him anyway and tried to talk to you about it without getting results, that would probably explain his actions. The thing is, when you're in a relationship, you don't have the luxury of ignoring the other person, you don't have the luxury of hiding inside yourself without an explanation. I don't fully understand depression so I'm probably not the best person to talk to someone about it. But I do know that if someone ignored me and didn't explain themselves and the behavior continued, I would leave, too. Probably not in the stupid way he did it, but I would leave.
Author xoxo88 Posted December 2, 2009 Author Posted December 2, 2009 He didn't know about the depression. I know i might have looked like i didn't care because of it, but still the way he left me tells something about him. It is really low to end a realationship like that. No matter what you think about the other person, if you have some dignity you do it the right way. It never crossed my mind to end a relationship via messenger no matter what the other person might have done. I don't know if i'm wrong but i think that as horrible as i was, he was even worse considering that i did have a problem while he didn't and could have done things like a real man.
Angel1111 Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 You're right, it did tell you a lot about his character. But we can't control what others do. We can only decide how we're going to let their behavior affect us. Of course, right now his actions have hurt you deeply and that's totally understandable. At some point, you'll hopefully move on from it and take whatever lessons you can from the whole thing.
Author xoxo88 Posted December 3, 2009 Author Posted December 3, 2009 It's unbelievable how some guys can suddenly change from sweet guys to total jerks. At least now i know that i've been faced with a loser and i'm not blaming myself that much anymore. The guilt was killing me after the break up thinking it was only my fault, but now i see he wasn't such a great guy after all. And still i can't understand why would tell somebody else you've broken up with your girlfriend and ask her out only to make her feel uncomfortable? Be a man and tell it her face you don't want her by your side anymore. Well i guess the only answer i can find is that you have to be a lame loser to do that.
EskimoPassingBy Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 It's unbelievable how some guys can suddenly change from sweet guys to total jerks. At least now i know that i've been faced with a loser and i'm not blaming myself that much anymore. The guilt was killing me after the break up thinking it was only my fault, but now i see he wasn't such a great guy after all. And still i can't understand why would tell somebody else you've broken up with your girlfriend and ask her out only to make her feel uncomfortable? Be a man and tell it her face you don't want her by your side anymore. Well i guess the only answer i can find is that you have to be a lame loser to do that. This is something that I had told my ex about her ex and also something that I believe to be the case. People do not just suddenly change. If someone suddenly changes, then that just means hes showing you his true side. If someone is nice, he/she is nice. They don't just suddenly change their nature. Feel better that you saw his true nature. But I'm no psychologist, so don't take my words as facts.
Author xoxo88 Posted December 3, 2009 Author Posted December 3, 2009 I know they can't suddenly change. The truth is they have always been like that. But then comes the question: how can they pretend to be nice for so long? Why would you pretend to care about a person for a while and then just tear them apart without giving a damn? Disgusting human beings .
Angel1111 Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 I know they can't suddenly change. The truth is they have always been like that. But then comes the question: how can they pretend to be nice for so long? Why would you pretend to care about a person for a while and then just tear them apart without giving a damn? Disgusting human beings . I'm guessing that if you do a rewind in your head, you'll probably start to remember small things that were indicators of his real personality. His behavior may have even contributed to your depression. Lots of women get severely depressed because of some subtle form of meanness or lack of caring from their significant other, and then she ends up in the therapist's office.
stillafool Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 Imagine this situation: your girlfriend never has the initiative to text you or call you, when you ask her to go out she refuses for certain reasons, she doesn't contact you for days, she doesn't talk much when you meet. You set up a meeting to talk about it, you tell her how you feel neglected, she tells you she had some issues and it's not because she doesn't care but after that meeting she keeps doing the same things. Would you break up with her? And how? I don't think she IS your girlfriend. You need to take her hints and move on. Women will go out of their way to make time for a guy they really want.
Author xoxo88 Posted December 6, 2009 Author Posted December 6, 2009 Believe it or not, he didn't do any s**t during our relationship, except for the last week when i knew it was over. During that week i felt neglected, and it really didn't feel nice at all. I guess that's how he felt when i was doing the same to him and now i understand the reason of the break up. I wasn't thinking straight when i was behaving like that. I still can't understand why he didn't just tell me he wanted to break up instead of prolonging the agony. He either broke up with me like that because he's a selfish coward, or he thought it was ok with me considering the way i was treating him. I don't know what to say about this. I've read recently some stuff on the internet like "signs that he loves you" and "are you dating a loser" and no matter how crazy it seems to read this stuff, i don't think it is that crazy because they are written by speacialist. Interestingly enough i can find in him all those signs of a loving guy but none of a loser. So what am i supposed to think about him?
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