EskimoPassingBy Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 is first love the hardest to let go? Did you guys/girls find this to be true? Asking out of curiosity as I had just got out of a relationship with my first love and she herself stated that its only harder for me because shes my first. Had always wondered how it feels to have more than one ex. How exactly do you do things with ur new girlfriend/boyfriend without being reminded of your ex's? This is a question that puzzled me even when I was with her. How does she do so much with me without thinking about the past?
Ronni_W Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 Those are VERY interesting questions, Eskimo! My b/f and I spent a good ten minutes trying to figure out our own answers and -- well, neither of us know exactly 'how' but we do know that it just happens that you don't end up thinking about your ex(es) when you're doing (the same) stuff with your current. For both of us, it had not been a conscious thing until you asked the question . He also says that *if* you are thinking about an ex when doing stuff with your current, then you've started dating too soon. That's probably accurate. Then again, there could be something in the future that may remind me of one of my exes...I just don't know yet. I'm not sure if first love is the hardest to let go. I think...they're just all very, very different. Getting over the end of my marriage (which wasn't with my 'first love') was pretty horrible. But so was getting over my first love. Maybe those two might be the hardest, but in vastly different ways. Then again, I haven't experienced getting over a 2nd marriage ending yet so...right now I don't know how that might be. Sorry. I'm pretty sure this doesn't really answer your questions . But I think that's because every break-up is different, and we're impacted differently every time. And...we really don't know how it's gonna be until we get there ourselves.
Boundary Problem Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 Your first love will always be on your mind, because it is a rite of passage, a defining part of who you are. However they move from the front of your mind (all consuming) to the back part of your mind. To finally the deep archival vault at the back of your mind. Keep in mind I was 20 with my first love and now I'm 36. I would say for the past 10 yrs I don't think about my first love much at all. When you get your next big love (for me it was in law school), then the new big love pushes the original first love further back. But there MUST be something fascinating about the new love. The fascination is what gets your mind off the old love. But it is a slow process. Atrophy. Don't get discouraged. They never leave you completely, which is why they are called memories. One day you just realize that there are more interesting things to think about. But they become a memory that you think about maybe once a month. For 10 mins max. The memories can be recalled clearly, but they just don't feel the pull/hold/power that they do when they are in the front of your brain. They are more poignant. The angst and emotion is gone, and you are left with poignant memories, bitter sweet. That was my experience.
teanoranges Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 I am in the same place as you. Things with my ex ended 6 months ago, and I hung on until he found someone else. He also told me that it would be like this because he was my first. I always knew in the back on my mind that it was going to end, not because I didn't love him, but because it seemed obvious by the way life goes. How many people end up with their first loves? Silly me, I thought that'd be the most extraordinary thing. I feel like we all go through the same things with love, and life in general. My ex would tell me that as you're in more and more relationships, it starts to seem rather pointless and you're less consumed by each one (probably because of all the hurt you go through with each one) I partially believe it and I'm at the point where I really don't want to bother with relationships (not that I'd pass up someone interesting) Some people will always feel like they'll never love anyone as much as their ex... and some people have relationships that just keep getting better... being with people who are better for them than the last.. I think I'll be more like the latter because I'm not jumping into anything unless I really feel it... so it ought to be better?
Author EskimoPassingBy Posted December 1, 2009 Author Posted December 1, 2009 Thanks for the replies! It was something that puzzled me. Its funny how life goes. During my last relationship, for the first month it was mainly about me being really sad over her past. It meant that there was someone she once loved so much more than me and it made me feel less significant. Everything I did with her was my first but it wasn't hers. I know its silly to think about it that way as she was mine and nothing else mattered, but I was seriously upset knowing that there were more than one guy that experienced the things I did with her and must have been as happy as I was.
teanoranges Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 Thanks for the replies! It was something that puzzled me. Its funny how life goes. During my last relationship, for the first month it was mainly about me being really sad over her past. It meant that there was someone she once loved so much more than me and it made me feel less significant. Everything I did with her was my first but it wasn't hers. I know its silly to think about it that way as she was mine and nothing else mattered, but I was seriously upset knowing that there were more than one guy that experienced the things I did with her and must have been as happy as I was. This sort of happened to me. In the beginning I was hesitant because he had other girlfriends.. but I got over it as much as I loved him and he said he loved me more than any of them etc. But as the breakup went on and after he found this other girl and said he's starting to love her, I really felt awful. I felt like he didn't love me more and now he loves her more and better. Which is okay because people do that, but its tough sometimes..
Author EskimoPassingBy Posted December 2, 2009 Author Posted December 2, 2009 Haha I know how you feel. I had a big enough heart to be friends with my ex again. But its pretty hard. If you've read my story you'd know that she went on a trip with 2 guys and a girl. I suspected her of liking one of them. She said she doesn't like him exactly but likes his 'type'. Stabbed through the heart.
Recommended Posts