Pentel Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 how did you feel when you left him? when he or if he would have begged you to come back, what would you have thought? if he proves you he really loves you, what would you do?
JL911 Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 Just real fast bro...I know you are probaly hurting...i know it sux...But if she left ya its not because you need to prove your feelings...Its about her feelings... Dont beg whatever you do...just take it on the chin like a man...
USMCHokie Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 Pentel, I'm a male dumpee, and all I can tell you is that you need to stop what you're doing...I know you love her and I know you miss her...but this isn't helping you at all...you are just trying to grasp at straws...you have to remember, it doesn't matter how you feel or how much you love her, it's how she feels that matters at this point...and you cannot affect how she feels...if a second chance is ever to come about, it must come from HER OWN DECISION and realization that she wants you back in her life... The best thing you can do is grieve your loss...and treat it as such...a loss...at this point, that's all it is...and the sooner you accept that, the sooner things will get better for you... Learn from the rest of us and don't get caught up in the trap you're setting for yourself...
ItsAllGoodAgain Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 You're wondering if your efforts are going to pay off. You're hoping they will. Stop begging!!! Stop trying!!! I'm a male, but I've been through it. Let it be for now and focus on you. She will be part of your motivation, but focus on you...
Author Pentel Posted November 30, 2009 Author Posted November 30, 2009 im past that begging stuff, i had 1 month of all that stuff, now ima go NC
EskimoPassingBy Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 1st week: week of begging phase, denial and wanting a second chance. Took all the blame despite it was not fully my fault. 2nd week: week of NC to realise I was sulking over someone who doesn't treasure the memories we have had together. Someone who did not care anymore about my feelings. Talked to friends, hung out with new people and became better friends with some people who supported me through this. Now: I'm happy =). Different people have different periods of getting over someone. While you may feel like crap just like the majority of us who browse this forum, one day you will just wake up and feel nothing. At least that's how I suddenly became. Don't feel embarassed to post your thoughts here about anything. You're anonymous.
Author Pentel Posted November 30, 2009 Author Posted November 30, 2009 i feel really bad, if i had gone NC i would have gotten her back, but now she will know what she lost, a guy that gave her everything he had, and she gave everything away, for what? some good weekends? please... she made the worst mistake of her life
EskimoPassingBy Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 i feel really bad, if i had gone NC i would have gotten her back, but now she will know what she lost, a guy that gave her everything he had, and she gave everything away, for what? some good weekends? please... she made the worst mistake of her life Your ex did the same thing as many of us on this forum. Its harsh, but it makes us grow stronger. I have no doubt you were great to her and it is her loss. My ex like yours, believed that she can have more fun and a better relationship after a 4 day trip. I know the true reason is because she suddenly fell out of love. Know that it does not matter to you anymore what she feels or thinks. Dumpees suffer hard in the short run and thats it. I doubt dumpers usually suffer unless they suddenly realise what they have lost. I believe personally that most dumpers won't look at the past when they decided to dump you. Even if she came back, would you want her back? Even if you think you do now, realise that she has broke your heart once and whats broken can never be fixed.
Author Pentel Posted November 30, 2009 Author Posted November 30, 2009 she didn't broke my heart once, she broke it like 10 times, really, 10 ****ing times, in a ****ing month, and what did i did? i behave the BEST I COULD, showing her that i love her, being there for her, takin care of her, and what did i receive? NOTHING
EskimoPassingBy Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 Exactly. You don't want someone like her anymore do you? Thats enough heart break and don't let her play with you any longer.
ItsAllGoodAgain Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 Ok, go to coping and read "for all the dumpees". I replied to put it on the top. Not sure how to create a link. But go, read, soak and let us know!!
Author Pentel Posted November 30, 2009 Author Posted November 30, 2009 Ok, go to coping and read "for all the dumpees". I replied to put it on the top. Not sure how to create a link. But go, read, soak and let us know!! i read it, really, thanks
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 how did you feel when you left him? when he or if he would have begged you to come back, what would you have thought? if he proves you he really loves you, what would you do? You are not going to want to hear this, and you won't like it - but your situation sounds like the one I was in with my first 'real' boyfriend in college. Together for years, supposed to get engaged our senior year, married the next, move to his hometown, etc. It was supposed to be forever. Instead, I dumped him after four years for someone else just before the engagement and never looked back. Yes, there was someone else in the picture for a few months prior to breaking up. Like 99% of the 'walkaways' out there - I swung from one 'sure thing' to another. There is no way I would have left a 'sure thing' except for another 'sure thing'. It is almost always the case. To answer your questions: 1. Sad in a nostalgia sort of way, but ultimately relieved and happy to be free to be able to move on with someone else. 2. He did beg, and it made me feel sick with guilt and angry about feeling guilty. Seeing him grovel, cry and beg just made me more determined to get away from his weakness and from his passive aggressive determination to guilt me back into something I had spent nearly a year getting myself out of. Not once did I consider going back. I was already in the ' new love' stage with the new guy, and nothing could have forced me to give that up to go back to the 'old'. I'd be as nice as I could, but ultimately got colder and colder until I shut him out completely. If new guy had dumped me, I MAY have gone back in order to avoid being alone, but that would have been the only reason at that time. 3. Nothing he said or did to that effect swayed me. I had my head firmly up 'new guy's' ass at that time. The end result? Twenty years later, 'old guy' is happily married with kids. I had a short but mostly happy marriage and have a beautiful daughter, and 'new guy' went on to marry happily as well. We all went out separate ways, and we are all better for it. The lesson? Don't look back, as much as you feel you may want to. The dumper is a mercenary, particularly when they are with someone else or considering it. They have nothing for you but the ghost of a cold, dead heart where the relationship you had used to be located. Turn and walk away. There are happier times for you yet, times that don't seem possible now but are so far ahead of you that you can't see them yet. You have some serious healing to do. You can only do it walking away from her, not looking back at her.
Lizzie60 Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 how did you feel when you left him? when he or if he would have begged you to come back, what would you have thought? if he proves you he really loves you, what would you do? 1) I felt bad every time.. it's no fun to break someone's heart.. but I had to do what I had to do.. 2) Begging - my 2nd ex begged me for another chance.. I went back.. for 3 weeks.. then it was over for good. 3) they all loved me I know that.. but I didn't love him anymore (my 1st).. my 2nd, it was another story.. I loved him but I knew it was a matter of time...
Malenfant Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 how did you feel when you left him? Terrible, guilty, heartbroken when he or if he would have begged you to come back, what would you have thought? TBH i would wish that he hadnt, but its understandable if he proves you he really loves you, what would you do? Its not about him proving his feelings, its about my feelings. Once I have made my mind up, (its not a decision to be made lightly) nothing would change my mind thereafter
Eve Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 how did you feel when you left him? when he or if he would have begged you to come back, what would you have thought? if he proves you he really loves you, what would you do? Depends on the situation that lead to the split. Overall in my past I felt relieved that I had left. I would not have gone back and there was no means of coming back because I mean what I say.. mostly. I cant imagine splitting from my Husband but if I did the reason would have to be such that the above would still apply. I cant imagine being swayed differently, unless the situation wasnt really that serious in the first place. In that case I would be a fool to throw away my marriage for something petty. Take care, Eve xx
Beeotch Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 Pentel, I'm a male dumpee, and all I can tell you is that you need to stop what you're doing...I know you love her and I know you miss her...but this isn't helping you at all...you are just trying to grasp at straws...you have to remember, it doesn't matter how you feel or how much you love her, it's how she feels that matters at this point...and you cannot affect how she feels...if a second chance is ever to come about, it must come from HER OWN DECISION and realization that she wants you back in her life... The best thing you can do is grieve your loss...and treat it as such...a loss...at this point, that's all it is...and the sooner you accept that, the sooner things will get better for you... Learn from the rest of us and don't get caught up in the trap you're setting for yourself... Amen! We all know the feeling of desperation, almost like you are drowning where you lose all pride and will do and say anything and even delude yourself...but if you can stop and realizing that it is actually illogical and won't help you but actually make things MORE awkward, then you will be better off and THANKFUL later on, when you are no longer drowning, that you didnt make certain mistakes.
worldcavedin Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 This is the best post i have ever read!! Makes me realise a lot of thngs thank you for your honesty. I am going to print this out and read it whenever i feel that there might be a sli chance, but in all honesty as you state below, there really is not. Thanks again You are not going to want to hear this, and you won't like it - but your situation sounds like the one I was in with my first 'real' boyfriend in college. Together for years, supposed to get engaged our senior year, married the next, move to his hometown, etc. It was supposed to be forever. Instead, I dumped him after four years for someone else just before the engagement and never looked back. Yes, there was someone else in the picture for a few months prior to breaking up. Like 99% of the 'walkaways' out there - I swung from one 'sure thing' to another. There is no way I would have left a 'sure thing' except for another 'sure thing'. It is almost always the case. To answer your questions: 1. Sad in a nostalgia sort of way, but ultimately relieved and happy to be free to be able to move on with someone else. 2. He did beg, and it made me feel sick with guilt and angry about feeling guilty. Seeing him grovel, cry and beg just made me more determined to get away from his weakness and from his passive aggressive determination to guilt me back into something I had spent nearly a year getting myself out of. Not once did I consider going back. I was already in the ' new love' stage with the new guy, and nothing could have forced me to give that up to go back to the 'old'. I'd be as nice as I could, but ultimately got colder and colder until I shut him out completely. If new guy had dumped me, I MAY have gone back in order to avoid being alone, but that would have been the only reason at that time. 3. Nothing he said or did to that effect swayed me. I had my head firmly up 'new guy's' ass at that time. The end result? Twenty years later, 'old guy' is happily married with kids. I had a short but mostly happy marriage and have a beautiful daughter, and 'new guy' went on to marry happily as well. We all went out separate ways, and we are all better for it. The lesson? Don't look back, as much as you feel you may want to. The dumper is a mercenary, particularly when they are with someone else or considering it. They have nothing for you but the ghost of a cold, dead heart where the relationship you had used to be located. Turn and walk away. There are happier times for you yet, times that don't seem possible now but are so far ahead of you that you can't see them yet. You have some serious healing to do. You can only do it walking away from her, not looking back at her.
ditched Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 You should rent the movie Swingers. Most of the dialogue from Mike's friend Rob (Office Space guy) is good advice for all of us dumpees. this first scene is great:
sean1970 Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 You should rent the movie Swingers. Most of the dialogue from Mike's friend Rob (Office Space guy) is good advice for all of us dumpees. this first scene is great: Forgot how cool this movie is... Nice post.
Zeegagge Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 First of all, nice post Lucrezia. Year's ago I had a girl I fell very very deeply for, then she left me. I was ridiculously crushed. I did a lot of begging, pleading, desperation, etc. In the end all I did was embarrass myself and make her think of me as a puny little ****. I think the only thing one can really do is improve themselves. Work out, read books, pursue your passions. Most of all, be strong. It probably wont win her back but it will definitely set you up for something better in the future. And besides, begging and pleading does nothing to improve your basketball skills.
jayboy Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 You are not going to want to hear this, and you won't like it - but your situation sounds like the one I was in with my first 'real' boyfriend in college. Together for years, supposed to get engaged our senior year, married the next, move to his hometown, etc. It was supposed to be forever. Instead, I dumped him after four years for someone else just before the engagement and never looked back. Yes, there was someone else in the picture for a few months prior to breaking up. Like 99% of the 'walkaways' out there - I swung from one 'sure thing' to another. There is no way I would have left a 'sure thing' except for another 'sure thing'. It is almost always the case. To answer your questions: 1. Sad in a nostalgia sort of way, but ultimately relieved and happy to be free to be able to move on with someone else. 2. He did beg, and it made me feel sick with guilt and angry about feeling guilty. Seeing him grovel, cry and beg just made me more determined to get away from his weakness and from his passive aggressive determination to guilt me back into something I had spent nearly a year getting myself out of. Not once did I consider going back. I was already in the ' new love' stage with the new guy, and nothing could have forced me to give that up to go back to the 'old'. I'd be as nice as I could, but ultimately got colder and colder until I shut him out completely. If new guy had dumped me, I MAY have gone back in order to avoid being alone, but that would have been the only reason at that time. 3. Nothing he said or did to that effect swayed me. I had my head firmly up 'new guy's' ass at that time. The end result? Twenty years later, 'old guy' is happily married with kids. I had a short but mostly happy marriage and have a beautiful daughter, and 'new guy' went on to marry happily as well. We all went out separate ways, and we are all better for it. The lesson? Don't look back, as much as you feel you may want to. The dumper is a mercenary, particularly when they are with someone else or considering it. They have nothing for you but the ghost of a cold, dead heart where the relationship you had used to be located. Turn and walk away. There are happier times for you yet, times that don't seem possible now but are so far ahead of you that you can't see them yet. You have some serious healing to do. You can only do it walking away from her, not looking back at her. Very honest post. I found it interesting that it seemed like the dumpee in your post was the one who seemed to find a happy long lasting relationship. Whereas your relationship with "new guy" didn't work and he remarried. Do you mind explaining why your marriage to "new guy" didn't work please?
SummerLady Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 Felt great dumping him as he cheated on me and it was like someone lifted a weight off my shoulders. It was time to be free of it all. He begged and did everything but nothing would have changed my mind. The relationship was over, it was over done. Sometimes it just best to walk away. I have been on both sides of the fence so I know how it feels to get dumped as well. Wow I am so well rounded, ha ha! Best to let it be sorry
CaliGuy Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 Not a girl, but maybe I can shed some light... how did you feel when you left him? Most of the time they feel RELIEVED that it's done and over with. Women start pulling away emotionally long before they actually pull the trigger. So when the deed is finally done, they are glad it's over with. when he or if he would have begged you to come back, what would you have thought? Most of the time they feel sorry for you. Begging only makes them lose respect for you, it doesn't make them change their mind. When you beg, you are twisting their arm to stay. When you do that, you are caging them into the relationship and I promise you, it's only a matter of time before they leave you again. if he proves you he really loves you, what would you do? Doesn't matter if YOU really love them. They have to REALLY love you as well. If they really loved you, they wouldn't have left. It takes TWO people to make a relationship. If one of them doesn't want to have a relationship anymore, well you don't have a relationship. Begging, pleading, crying and other forms of manipulation when someone leaves you only further cements their reasons for leaving in the first place. It's best you keep your diginity and self-respect and walk away with your head held high knowing you gave it your best. After all, you didn't give up on them. They gave up on you -- and it's THEIR loss. Cheers.
LucreziaBorgia Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 Very honest post. I found it interesting that it seemed like the dumpee in your post was the one who seemed to find a happy long lasting relationship. Whereas your relationship with "new guy" didn't work and he remarried. Do you mind explaining why your marriage to "new guy" didn't work please? New guy and I didn't marry. He dumped me just as coldly two years later as I dumped old guy! I deserved it, fully. New guy admitted at the end that he only went for me to put a knife in old guy's back - they were fraternity brothers (I was a 'little sister') and they hated each other. Ugly situation all around. Old guy and I still catch up from time to time. Haven't spoken to 'new guy' at all since then. I didn't meet the man I married until a few years after that.
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