SushiOji Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 I hope you're kidding.... yes I was kidding, a dumper has the right to do NC just as much as a dumpee
RoMeIx Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 You aren't alone in this. The truth is that people handle things in all different ways. Maybe for your ex, the best way that she knew how to deal with it was to just disappear. My ex did the same thing to me. I was with her for 6 years and lived with her for 5 and 1/2 of those years. I considered her my wife already. We had cars, pets, bills etc... I went home to visit my parents for a week (they were in AZ, I was living with the ex in FL) and she texts me that she doesn't think it will work out. I was completely blindsided. I then had to fly back to FL and pack my stuff into my car and move back to AZ. I never in a million years would have guessed she would do this to me. She was literally my best friend, we did everything together, were close with each others families etc... Since we broke up about 2 1/2 months ago, she has made no effort to contact me. She went from being one of the most caring people I had ever met to a complete stranger. I have no idea how you can just turn the emotions off like she did, but seeing how cold she became toward me was honestly disturbing.
Author soheartbroken Posted December 1, 2009 Author Posted December 1, 2009 Wow RoMeIx. I'm so sorry to hear that. That sounds awful. But I relate. My ex was incredibly caring and I trusted her with my life. Now she is a stranger, and it is disturbing, and it does shake my confidence in people to the core. Was your ex caring toward other people as well, or just particularly with you?
Midnight Rider Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 RoMeIx, sorry as well to hear about that. What your ex did was incredibly awful Maybe Seymore can chime in with some apologetics and make us understand what could justify such inhuman and heartless behavior.
FeelingLonely98 Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 ME TOO soheartbroken. ME TOO! My STBXW has never contacted me in the 95 days or so since d-day - only replied - or returned calls, etc. D-day = ILYBINILWY. She left the house two weeks after that. I asked her once early will she ever want to be in contact with me. She said "why?" "Unless it is about the divorce I have no reason to speak to you". {ouch} She flipped the emotion switch from on to off. NO, she ripped the switch out of the wall. She was always so sweet. On d-day she cam home around 6pm. I had arrived from a business trip about an hour earlier. I was on the sofa with my sons. As she walked in the door she chimed in with her usual cheery sweet ""Hi Babe!!!" and gave me a kiss - like she always had done for 16 years. Normal dinner prep stuff, light chat. At 11:00 or so "I want a D, ILYBINILWY". (knife to the heart - blindsided!) (At this point she lied about her 18 yr old BF, exposed a week later. She said it was becuase she wanted "independence". F*ck*ng BS!!!) She then told me that if she had the money and a job (she was 5 months unemployed) she would leave at that moment!!! I truly believe if she had left that night she would have never contacted me again. IT IS NOT JUST YOU SHB!!! Any talks / emails / texts we had in the past were initiated by me. Early on was to discuss us. Then just to get the D papers in order. (Filed now, hearing should be this month) I have been extremely nice and compassionate to her during the separation. My MC told me that she thinks I have been nicer to her than any BSs she recalls working with over the years! Do you think the STBXW even realizes this? Probably not ... 16 years in love, 10 years living together, 7 years M. All gone in an instant. It was a good marriage. From what I hear or what I know our M was better than most. Not to her... I am on day 23 of NC for me. At this point I no longer think when my phone beeps for a text that it might be her. I no longer check emails wondering if something is there from her. Actually shb, I would not be as far along my journey if she had not been so cold and mean and distant. In a way it was a blessing. PEACE!
Author soheartbroken Posted December 2, 2009 Author Posted December 2, 2009 Thanks for your reply FL98. What a messed up way for your W to treat you. F*cking cheaters! Don't know how I will ever trust anyone again. I'm sure you know though, that her rebound isn't going to last, right? I have to say that your situation has all the hallmarks of a WAW coming back for a second chance. How are things going for you? You sound like you've made a lot of progress, and I think you're further along than I am (I can't remember how long it's been for you, but I think you came to these forums after I did).
Ilovecake Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 Consider yourself lucky. You'll feel better way sooner than all us fools who were on and off with the NC. I'm sure most people here will vouch for the fact that every time NC was broken by either party it took the person back to square one of the heeling process. Your ex is probably not contacting you because she wants to move on too. Believe me you don't want to be harassed be a person that told you you're not good enough to spend time with them. That’s exactly what after breakup contact is, harassing and painful.
Sukichan Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 I'm in the same boat as you, no contact whatsoever. But I was the one who texted him and told him I wanted NC. Still, I thought he'd care enough to actuallly ask how I was doing after so long... *sigh* guess I was wrong, I guess I never truly knew who he was.
Author soheartbroken Posted December 2, 2009 Author Posted December 2, 2009 yes, I KNOW it would be painful to hear from her, and it would set me back (unless the contact was about a second chance, which it wouldn't be). Still, I feel so rejected as a person, nevermind as a partner. I guess the truth is I don't know what she's thinking, so I have to leave it at that. Just hurts a bit every time I come on LS and hear about how a dumper is making contact, or even wanting the dumpee back. Oh well. Thank you everyone for your replies so far.
mmk1 Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 SHB, rest assured that the dumpers coming back are few and far between and the times that works on in the long run is slimmer still. Look at this as an opportunity to work on yourself, find what's important to you and pursue your goals in life. You will thank her later for allowing you to grow as a result of this break up. (My daughter wanted me to put this on here!)
Author soheartbroken Posted December 3, 2009 Author Posted December 3, 2009 I hope so MMK. I hope I grow, but honestly, sometimes I think I will only just survive. I'm afraid this experience has made me weaker, rather than stronger.
Recommended Posts