redblack66 Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 A woman that is into me recently asked me to tell her what I think about: 1. What is love and 2. How I can make her happy. I am puzzled by the second question, as many of you know the standard answer. Anyhow, any thoughts on the above 2 questions. I am supposed to meet her in two weeks, and ruminating on the above. Many thanks in advance
Ms. Joolie Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 You are meeting her in two weeks? So I guess you met her online? Those are some interesting questions. Do you two often talk about stuff like that or is she just asking you out of the blue, maybe as a prerequisite to meeting her? lol I can't imagine asking a man to tell me how he could make me happy. That just sounds extremely egoistic and selfish. The "what is love" question is intriquing, I'd answer that honestly but keep it light.
Scarlett513 Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 Really, I think it's telling that she's asking how you can "make" her happy. The bottom line is that no one can make her happy but herself. Pay attention to whether she is going to depend on you to provide her happiness. If what she is asking is more along the lines of "what do you have to offer?" then answer honestly.
Author redblack66 Posted November 30, 2009 Author Posted November 30, 2009 You are meeting her in two weeks? So I guess you met her online? Those are some interesting questions. Do you two often talk about stuff like that or is she just asking you out of the blue, maybe as a prerequisite to meeting her? lol I can't imagine asking a man to tell me how he could make me happy. That just sounds extremely egoistic and selfish. The "what is love" question is intriquing, I'd answer that honestly but keep it light. Thank you for your answer. Yes, it is egoistic and selfish. Here is a short version of the story. We talked about an hour a week from January to April. Met for 3 days in April, 2 days in June, and 5 days in July. I am in North America, she is in Europe. On the 4th day together she wanted to marry me. VERY smart person, and professional psychologist. More or less I am in "what is going on"? I think the "what is love" question deserves some discussion. I guess so many smart writers and philosophers have discussed this.
Author redblack66 Posted November 30, 2009 Author Posted November 30, 2009 Really, I think it's telling that she's asking how you can "make" her happy. The bottom line is that no one can make her happy but herself. Exactly, and plain simple. Pay attention to whether she is going to depend on you to provide her happiness. Good point. I think happiness here includes providing financially for many things. I cannot talk about true love if this is the case. If what she is asking is more along the lines of "what do you have to offer?" then answer honestly.Sure. She knows what I can offer.
Ms. Joolie Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 Thank you for your answer. Yes, it is egoistic and selfish. Here is a short version of the story. We talked about an hour a week from January to April. Met for 3 days in April, 2 days in June, and 5 days in July. I am in North America, she is in Europe. On the 4th day together she wanted to marry me. VERY smart person, and professional psychologist. More or less I am in "what is going on"? I think the "what is love" question deserves some discussion. I guess so many smart writers and philosophers have discussed this. So you are meeting her in two weeks... are you a bit intimidated by her desire to marry you? Those questions make sense (a little more anyway) coming from a psychologist. My understanding is that she is trying to check your values, or what you're made of in a psychological sense. Be sure to ask her in return. I'm sure she has answers. Good luck to you on this long distance stuff... and the marriage.
Author redblack66 Posted November 30, 2009 Author Posted November 30, 2009 So you are meeting her in two weeks... are you a bit intimidated by her desire to marry you? Very intimidated and questioning the common sense of the whole thing. Those questions make sense (a little more anyway) coming from a psychologist. My understanding is that she is trying to check your values, or what you're made of in a psychological sense. Be sure to ask her in return. I'm sure she has answers. Well, she wants to hear my answers first. Yes, she wants to check me out. Good luck to you on this long distance stuff... and the marriage. Thanks, it will be difficult to deal with this long distance situation.
Author redblack66 Posted November 30, 2009 Author Posted November 30, 2009 The "what is love" question is intriquing, I'd answer that honestly but keep it light. Friend of mine, for whom I have a lot of respect says something along the line of "love is when the well being of my partner is more important than my own well being." What is your take on this?
carhill Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 "love is when the well being of my partner is equally important to my own well being." IMO, you don't make a woman happy. You share your life and happiness with her and, if that's meaningful and attractive to her, she does likewise and intimacy grows, bonding you together.
Ms. Joolie Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 Friend of mine, for whom I have a lot of respect says something along the line of "love is when the well being of my partner is more important than my own well being." What is your take on this? Love is blinding, intoxicating, foolish, unreasonable and irrational. We can think of love as that emotion that moved the great people of the world such as Gandhi or Mother Teresa or Martin Luther King. These people weren't thinking of themselves. So in that way, yes, I agree with your friend.
Author redblack66 Posted November 30, 2009 Author Posted November 30, 2009 Love is blinding, intoxicating, foolish, unreasonable and irrational. We can think of love as that emotion that moved the great people of the world such as Gandhi or Mother Teresa or Martin Luther King. These people weren't thinking of themselves. So in that way, yes, I agree with your friend. Very well said.
Author redblack66 Posted November 30, 2009 Author Posted November 30, 2009 never take your eyes off the big picture guys,women need attention! if you dont give it to them,they will get it from somebody else trust me! Well, I learned this the hard way. Now the other question is: how much attention before it becomes suffocating for a woman and your attention becomes a turn off. There is a fine line here.
espec10001 Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 Make a woman happy? Your guess is as good as mine
jerseyboy Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 Are you really going to respond to these questions?
AD1980 Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 never take your eyes off the big picture guys,women need attention! if you dont give it to them,they will get it from somebody else trust me! Women love being loved by soemone more then they love in relationships
Author redblack66 Posted November 30, 2009 Author Posted November 30, 2009 Are you really going to respond to these questions? I promised I would respond. Tough questions.
threebyfate Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 Worry less about positioning yourself to "get" the girl and more about answering those questions in an honest and heartfelt way. Question #2 is complete bunk. No one can make anyone happy. They can only add to the life of a person who's already happy.
Author redblack66 Posted November 30, 2009 Author Posted November 30, 2009 Worry less about positioning yourself to "get" the girl and more about answering those questions in an honest and heartfelt way. No positioning, I say in what I believe, and that's it. Question #2 is complete bunk. No one can make anyone happy. They can only add to the life of a person who's already happy. Yes, the question is total non-sense, and I am really puzzled why anyone would ask it.
threebyfate Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 Yes, the question is total non-sense, and I am really puzzled why anyone would ask it.I would be concerned about this question, in reference to personal responsibility. Some questions to ask yourself: Does she expect me to make her happy, hence putting all the responsibility of the relationship onto my shoulders?Is she trapped in romantic nonsense, whereby love is unconditional and love trumps all?Answer the questions as you see fit and see how she responds. It's possible that she's using a form of reverse psychology, looking for a pragmatic man who will answer honestly. Either way, being honest about the two questions is the quickest way to finding out whether the two of you have compatible or complementary perspectives, when it comes to love and relationships.
jerseyboy Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 I promised I would respond. Tough questions. Dude Give some thought to what her even presuming to ask some questions of you represents not only about her, but how she views you as well. She must be very pretty to even presume being so obnoxious. Regardless let her find some other shmuck to feed her entitlement.
Author redblack66 Posted November 30, 2009 Author Posted November 30, 2009 I would be concerned about this question, in reference to personal responsibility. Some questions to ask yourself: Does she expect me to make her happy, hence putting all the responsibility of the relationship onto my shoulders?Is she trapped in romantic nonsense, whereby love is unconditional and love trumps all? Excellent points. I suspect her happiness includes me moving to Paris, buying property there, and taking a big chunk of the financial responsibility. I would not say romantic nonsense in my case, and I suspect that, unfortunately, unconditional love is not in the radar. I believe in unconditional love. Answer the questions as you see fit and see how she responds. It's possible that she's using a form of reverse psychology, looking for a pragmatic man who will answer honestly. She is a professional psychologist, and asking how to make her happy? She should know the answer better than anybody else. This blows my mind. Either way, being honest about the two questions is the quickest way to finding out whether the two of you have compatible or complementary perspectives, when it comes to love and relationships.Yes
threebyfate Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 See, you and I just proved we're incompatible, all in the space of one sentence!
Author redblack66 Posted November 30, 2009 Author Posted November 30, 2009 See, you and I just proved we're incompatible, all in the space of one sentence! Hm, I could not understand exactly what you mean, but I guess you do not believe in what I believe.
threebyfate Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 Hm, I could not understand exactly what you mean, but I guess you do not believe in what I believe.If you consider romantic love, unconditional love would mean that the person giving it, doesn't want love or anything in return and is happy to just love that person, no matter how they're treated. After all, what does unconditional mean? So that's my perspective on unconditional love. It doesn't exist except for the first few months after birth, between a mother and her child, when the mother is aware her child isn't yet capable of giving love. After that, a mother expects reciprocated love whether she's willing to admit it or not. Anyways, sorry to go off-topic but I wanted to explain to you what I meant since you didn't understand. And it's true, I don't believe what you believe. In relationships not only is love important but also all aspects of need within each person. If the two of you aren't compatible, you're in for a rocky ride and most often, serious heartbreak. Love is never enough.
northstar1 Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 A woman that is into me recently asked me to tell her what I think about: 1. What is love and 2. How I can make her happy. I am puzzled by the second question, as many of you know the standard answer. Anyhow, any thoughts on the above 2 questions. I am supposed to meet her in two weeks, and ruminating on the above. Many thanks in advance I believe Bette Midler said it best...... Some say love, it is a river That drowns the gentle reed. Some save love, it is a razor That leaves your soul to bleed. Some say love, it is a hunger An endless aching need I say love, it is a love, and you, it's only seed.
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