Should She Stay Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 I am a 32 year old man and my wife just turned 30 we have 2 boys, and I have a daughter from a previous relationship. My wife and I have been together for close to 8 years. She is a stay at home mom and I work fulltime. Here is the deal, when my wife and I first strated dating we were very passionate and deeply in love. I could not have asked for a better situtation for my daughter then 1. We were extremely happy, and enjoyed eacothers company. Fast forward to today my wife wants to leave me (divorce). What has happened is after our first son was born she lost her desire for me she said it was not me it was her. I believe that and understand she just had a baby, then we had our second son same thing. She gained wait and did not feel attractive. He is now 2 and we still barely have any sex. We have fought about this multiple times and I know she masturbates, so do i. The difference is I masturbate because my wife doesnt want me and she masturbates because it is easier for her to be solo than with me. Our relationship runs deep with problems that we have gone through in the past. She struggled with my ex (never struggled being a mother to my daughter), they are now best friends which I LOVE. She has struggled with the fact that I was never excited when she got pregnant When we got married it was a very unplanned for event in vegas, so I got cold feet the next day rather than before. She also holds resentment towards me because when our last son was born she had her tubes tied and now regrets it. She has a problem with my smoking, parenting and chores around the house. These are things I can change and will change to get my wife back. I will stop smoking, help with bills, help around the house and be a more patient parent. However she will not TALK to me when it comes to our problems. I have brought the lack of sex issue up to her on several different occasions but we end up fighting and she thinks all I want is sex. THAT is not what I want. I want to be loved, I want to be wanted, I want to have a wife that lusts for me, I dont want to be a chore for her. I dont want to be neglected anymore I dont want to live a life of unhapiness She struggles with me approaching her to talk about us and says she would rather live than talk. But everytime we do talk there is more to the story, that I didnt know before. She asked me the other day if I ever thought that the reason she doesnt want to talk about us is because she will realize she does not want to be with me. I know there is no magic that can be done, and I want to work this out. I have brought up MC and she says I can go but she wont. I do get very angry and I say very hateful things which I always regret and never mean but she causes me to see red. I wish sometimes that we could see through each others eyes so I can understand where she is coming from, and she can understand where I am coming from. The lack of sex is a symptom to deeper problems and I realize that. We talked lastnight and fought more and she is saying we can work on it but we will have to take baby steps and see where we end up, wether that be together or seperated. My problem is that this should not be the question. We are together for better or for worse and seeing if it works out bothers me. The question should be how do we fix it. I dont want to live in a marriage that theatens divorce everytime we have a problem and need to talk. Also I am fearful she is only staying for the kids. If she leaves she will no longer have access to my daughter who she loves as her own. I know this is long and drawn out and a lot of babble but I just dont think that this arrangement is fair. I love my wife deeply and will never quit on us but I need to know that she feels the same way for me as I her. I am trying to make all these changes and I would like her to meet me in the middle and try to make things better as well. To me she seems sefish but when I add all her issues together I dont know if she really is being selfish or at the end of her rope with us. Any thoughts on this.
seibert253 Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 You need marriage counceling.Both of you. ^^^^^^^^^^^^ This Your marriage will self destruct if you don't.
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