Lanay Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 (edited) I have been with my boyfriend for 8yrs 7 months and 2 kids. He is 9 yrs younger than me. We have been living together for all of the years we have been together. We had our share of problems. He lost his job in the beginning of the relationship and i had to take care of him and the 3 kids i already had from a previous relationship. After about 6 months he found a job and things were back on track. Then, he had a really bad seizure and could not work for almost a year and i was taking care of the family again. Well, things finally got back on track with his employment situation and 2yrs after that we decided to buy a home together, since the home we had been living in was a home that i owned. Well i didn't mentioned that during all of this that he was very verbally abusive. (but, i forgave him). Things had gotten better far as the verbal abuse and we decided to buy a home and i also gave birth to his first child (a boy). We found a home and about 3 days after we closed on the home i found out he was cheating on me. We seperated for about 3 months and then he pulled me back in hook, line and sinker by calling me and telling me that he had been really sick with his epilepsy ( i fell for it). Everything was going ok then, i found out that the company i worked for for almost 9yrs was closing down my department. My boyfriend and i have had many previous conversations about moving to another state and he always wanted to move to TX. I never gave it a second thought because all of my family was where we were already living. Well when my company announced that my department was closing, i called my boyfriend and we decided to move to Tx because the economy was better and also, his companies corporate office was there. I agreed to it because we had been together for almost 6yrs at this time and had previously talked about marriage but, it was always something going on so we never really went into details. We moved and i got the home sick blues so bad and started to get depressed and things went down hill from there for about 6 months. I started feeling better and i had already found a job about 1 month after we had moved and 1 yr later i was pregnant again with his second child (another boy). At, this time i brought up marriage again because i said enough was enough. Well, he had gotten an attitude as soon as i asked him and said that he was not planning on marrying me for another 7-10yrs but, he wanted us to stay together and save money and buy another house together. He also, stated that "i should have just shut up and not brought up marriage because he might have asked me" (those exact words). I told him that i was leaving because i couldn't keep having his kids, saving money and buying houses if we weren't married. Basically, he stuck to how he felt and i stuck to how i felt and we decided to go seperate ways. But, before we moved out, i found out that he had already been meeting other women, that really sealed the deal. I thought that after i took care of him for almost 2yrs when he lost his job and got sick and could not work and had his kids, that he would fight to keep his family but, he didn't. I do know that i loved him very much and i know that he loved me too but, i guess not enough. I thought that i could not live my life without him and i'm still not sure but, i had to let it go. I now live with my 2 boys and my ex haven't even told me where he lives at but, now he comes over almost everyday and always buys me things and keep asking, if we are going to get back together. My gut is telling me NO! Did i and am i making the right decision. Sorry for the long drawn out story but, i have no body to talk to and i wanted y'all to understand all the details. Edited November 29, 2009 by Lanay
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 You made the right decision to cut him loose. There is no reason for him to keep coming over and buying you things, particularly when he won't tell you where he lives. My guess is that he is living with another woman who will take care of his bills and support him. He is not a man in any sense of the word. You already have two kids to raise. No need to support his childish ass as well. I'd file for child support and tell him to get the hell away from you and stay away.
ADF Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 I think you made the right decision, painful as it was. Your BF clearly has no intention of ever marrying you. If that is important to you--and it clearly is--you're going to have to let him go. It is sad but true. Many men are terrified at the thought of marriage. In their minds, they associate marriage with a loss of freedom, the end of youth, and they fear financial ruin as a result of divorce. What they don't realize is what a refusal to commit communicates to women. It says that no matter what, he wants an easy out. No matter how many years of your life you've invested in him, he wants the freedom to walk away from you at any time, oweing you nothing and never having to look back. How can that not make you feel unwanted and insecure? Good luck.
Author Lanay Posted December 1, 2009 Author Posted December 1, 2009 Thanks, for responding. I felt in my heart that this was the right decision, i could have stayed and kept dealing with his cramp but, my gut was telling me different. I just been with him for so long. I will pray and move on. Thanks
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