bentnotbroken Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 Well that is good that you are working with a therapist. I do enjoy your quick wit and sharp sarcasm (even when directed at me sometimes:cool:) but I do hope you can learn to trust again and be with someone who compliments your personality. You deserve so much better than Mr Messy. (I still laugh at his nickname). BTW, I knew I'd find you on THIS thread, lol. Love ya! I like to read, but not to post some of the things I did. They are an embarrassment now but some not so much. I revel privately.
gopher Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 My best revenge has been living a happy life, while she rots in her own sea of misery....
CrestfallenNoMore Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 I guess I'm too practical. My revenge plan was to somehow get his social security number (that I still have memorized) out there so that his identity could be stolen. I kept thinking about how his credit would be destroyed, cleaning it up (which wouldn't have been his strong suit) would have created serious stress on his adulterous relationship and he would have to spend years dealing with the outcome. I had my identity stolen before (just checks) but that created a two-year odyssey for me and I wanted him to have years and years of repercussions. But, I was too afraid of being found out, so I never did. But that was the only revenge fantasy that I ever seriously considered. Now, I am so glad I took the high road. I have nothing to be ashamed of and for me, that really means something now.
Author Spark1111 Posted December 13, 2009 Author Posted December 13, 2009 I think it is interesting to note revenge fantasies often fall along gender specific lines. For example, many women want to hurt him in his financials; destroy his car, empty his bank account, tell his boss. Or holding the OW up to some sort of public humiliation. Many men, seem to fantasize about violent, bodily harm to the OM. Anyone else noticing this? I wonder why?
Fallen Angel Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 I think it is interesting to note revenge fantasies often fall along gender specific lines. For example, many women want to hurt him in his financials; destroy his car, empty his bank account, tell his boss. Or holding the OW up to some sort of public humiliation. Many men, seem to fantasize about violent, bodily harm to the OM. Anyone else noticing this? I wonder why? The difference between the effects of testosterone and estrogen on the brain chemicals?
White Flower Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 I think it is interesting to note revenge fantasies often fall along gender specific lines. For example, many women want to hurt him in his financials; destroy his car, empty his bank account, tell his boss. Or holding the OW up to some sort of public humiliation. Many men, seem to fantasize about violent, bodily harm to the OM. Anyone else noticing this? I wonder why? Women tend to understand and relate to emotional pain while men tend to understand and relate to physical pain. JMHO.
bentnotbroken Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 I think it is interesting to note revenge fantasies often fall along gender specific lines. For example, many women want to hurt him in his financials; destroy his car, empty his bank account, tell his boss. Or holding the OW up to some sort of public humiliation. Many men, seem to fantasize about violent, bodily harm to the OM. Anyone else noticing this? I wonder why? I can go along with maiming and missing body parts.
White Flower Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 I can go along with maiming and missing body parts. Ha ha ha ha ha!
Boundary Problem Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 I'm a woman and I've never wanted to maim body parts. But wanting to take a big knife to his truck tires was more about anger/hurt about him cheating/lying. To cause him expense and inconvenience. Basically at its root- is desire for acknowledgment of my pain. If he is inconvenienced/costs him money he will get the message that he hurt me. It was irrelevant to me who the other woman was. But no I never wanted to actually physically harm him or her.
Author Spark1111 Posted December 14, 2009 Author Posted December 14, 2009 I can go along with maiming and missing body parts. Bent, i have a few friends very much like you! And I am grateful for them. It's comforting to know that some friends will always have your back, their loyalty is so great. These are the friends that would make bail for me, no questions asked....well, until some later point in time.
OWoman Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 I think it is interesting to note revenge fantasies often fall along gender specific lines. For example, many women want to hurt him in his financials; destroy his car, empty his bank account, tell his boss. Or holding the OW up to some sort of public humiliation. Many men, seem to fantasize about violent, bodily harm to the OM. Anyone else noticing this? I wonder why? Same trends that apply in attraction (at least, according to the research): Women go for status / access to resources Men go for looks / physical aspects. In evolutionary terms, men looked for partners whose physical attractiveness served as a proxy for good health / physical fitness, to guarantee with greater certainty the successful outcome of fertilsation, ie that the offspring would be born live, fit, and with a good chance of survival, so that his genes could flourish into the next generation. Women, OTOH, looked for partners who could protect them and ensure a steady supply of resources for them (food, shelter, whatever) while they were breeding and raising the next generation, so that there would be a greater chance of survival, so their genes could flourish into the next generation. So women are hardwired to look for status / access to resources - and thus, damaging a guy's status / access to resources would diminish his chances of finding another partner of the same "mateworthiness" as previously. Men are hardwired to look for physical attributes, and so wanting to create physical damage would feed into what mattered to them.
Author Spark1111 Posted December 14, 2009 Author Posted December 14, 2009 Ah, OWoman, you read up on evolutionary biology, as do I. Interesting to note that fertile, attractive women are pursued by many men. She ultimately chooses which pursuer she will procreate with.We call this "physical attraction," or "chemistry." Evolutionary biologists, call it bunk. They say women are subconciously choosing a differing gene pool for their offspring in an effort to create healthier children. Hence, it is why opposites attract, or those among us who are divorced, shake their heads and wonder "whatever did I see in HIM/HER.":eek: Perhaps that is why "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned."
seibert253 Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 Exacted my revenge without physical force. Never had to lay a hand on the dude, wasn't worth my career. When faced with a sexual harassement LS, the company dumped him quicker than poop. 17yrs of employment down the tube. Sorry but I dont' feel any remorse for this. He made his own bed.
DollyMix Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 My tempting fantasy was going to town on ex bad bfs car, so tempting and a fantasy visited often post break up but never could've done it, ironically though he could ! months later after seeing me and my new and current bf out in town he knocked out bfs car windows on xmas eve, of course I made sure he paid for the repairs so a revenge for me i guess?? funny looking back now, not so much then.
anokneemouse Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 New here been lurking for about a month. Having issues though its been a year since dday of his third affair in 20 years. Anyway, unfortunately this was not fantasy. This being his third affair (this one was emotional), I don't know if I was more angry at him or myself. His profession is image related and they wear uniforms. It was DD and I was not about to let him go to her, yes they worked together. We had been through the rollercoaster of anger, remorse, hurt, and such all day, I still did not have the answers I wanted. So while he was in the shower getting ready to go to work. I took his uniforms and sprayed them with bleach. He had to go to work with bleached clothes and hoped that they had an extra uniform in his size or had one at all. I am not proud of my actions, I did however enjoy it when he realized what I had done.
bentnotbroken Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 New here been lurking for about a month. Having issues though its been a year since dday of his third affair in 20 years. Anyway, unfortunately this was not fantasy. This being his third affair (this one was emotional), I don't know if I was more angry at him or myself. His profession is image related and they wear uniforms. It was DD and I was not about to let him go to her, yes they worked together. We had been through the rollercoaster of anger, remorse, hurt, and such all day, I still did not have the answers I wanted. So while he was in the shower getting ready to go to work. I took his uniforms and sprayed them with bleach. He had to go to work with bleached clothes and hoped that they had an extra uniform in his size or had one at all. I am not proud of my actions, I did however enjoy it when he realized what I had done. Wonderful. :lmao: There are times when we do the wrong thing(and what you and I did was wrong) but the feeling of power at the time is what I think got me moving in the RIGHT direction for my children and my self.
Author Spark1111 Posted December 21, 2009 Author Posted December 21, 2009 New here been lurking for about a month. Having issues though its been a year since dday of his third affair in 20 years. Anyway, unfortunately this was not fantasy. This being his third affair (this one was emotional), I don't know if I was more angry at him or myself. His profession is image related and they wear uniforms. It was DD and I was not about to let him go to her, yes they worked together. We had been through the rollercoaster of anger, remorse, hurt, and such all day, I still did not have the answers I wanted. So while he was in the shower getting ready to go to work. I took his uniforms and sprayed them with bleach. He had to go to work with bleached clothes and hoped that they had an extra uniform in his size or had one at all. I am not proud of my actions, I did however enjoy it when he realized what I had done. You were amazingly calm. Third affair? Amazingly calm.
anokneemouse Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 BNB, WTG! For you and your children. Yes that was the calm before the storm. What happened later as I found out more details was to me amazing as I did not know how physically strong I could be. I found out they had started texting and that he sent her a picture of me! I was not happy that she knew all she did about me and I knew nothing of her. Because AT THE TIME I saw the phone as the source of their relationship, I crushed his phone with my bare hand (yes one hand) and the beauty of it is it was a work cell phone and he had to explain to them why the phone needed to be replaced. Which was a good thing because they let her go and demoted him for their actions. His boss adores our family and even called me to make sure I was doing okay. I was very gracious. Told him we were ok and we would get through this. I even said this was not my first rodeo with this type of thing. He simply said, if there is anything else I can do please let me know. I will do what it takes to help you out in your decisions. I was thankful. DH has been since re-promoted and has had no contact with her since our blow up. Just a little FYI we started with kids early so they are grown! One is out of the house on thier own and the other is always out of the house. I however cannot shake this. I have been through a physical and another emotional affair prior to this. I have tried in the past year to keep it real. I don't think I can keep this superficial way of living up anymore. I am not sure if this was the straw that broke the camel's back, or third strike your out! I am not sure if I want to keep this marriage anymore. I want to be able to keep trying but in reality I just don't care anymore. I know for a fact that I do not want another man. I have had a couple of opportunities, I just think OMG No! EWWW! I am rambling I should get it together and post this elsewhere. Anyway thanks for listening/reading.
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