Yikes! Next!

[carhill]

when he invites you over for a movie, of course he's gonna try to make a move.

Don't know if it's relevant, but she invited him to her home/apartment, presumably alone.

[dudet]

Just to clarify, I'm not condoning the guy's behavior in any way. I'm just saying that it wasn't very smart of you to put yourself in a situation like that, knowing what it could easily lead to.

 

You are accusing her of leading him on because of having drinks and watching a movie. did she ask him to stay the night? that would be leading someone on.

[dreamergrl]

You are intentionally ignoring the key part of my post above. You've already been on several dates and you obviously like him (hence, the kissing), so when he invites you over for a movie, of course he's gonna try to make a move. After all, men are expected to initiate sex. If you don't want to have sex, it's stupid to put yourself in a situation that normally leads to sex. Think about it.

 

Just to clarify, I'm not condoning the guy's behavior in any way. I'm just saying that it wasn't very smart of you to put yourself in a situation like that, knowing what it could easily lead to.

 

Don't know if it's relevant, but she invited him to her home/apartment, presumably alone.

 

Lets clarify for a second here. He asked if I'd like to have a movie night. I said sure, but then we had that discussion, which he brought up taking things slow, and I brought up not having sex yet.

 

Movie night was at my house, in the living room, where as my roommate could come home at any point. Which he knew.

 

Yes, so far we've kissed, cuddled and have been affectionate. Sorry, but that doesn't mean sex is next, despite having a movie night.

 

And driving your hands down someone's pants after being told no is just wrong.

 

You are accusing her of leading him on because of having drinks and watching a movie. did she ask him to stay the night? that would be leading someone on.

 

And no, I did not ask him to stay the night.

[justforfun]

Yikes. Drunk or not...I don't blame you for nexting this cat. Between this and the I love yous...I think you quit while you're behind.

 

Sounds like a definite keeper to me

[justforfun]

Just to clarify, I'm not condoning the guy's behavior in any way. I'm just saying that it wasn't very smart of you to put yourself in a situation like that, knowing what it could easily lead to.

 

I'm not condoning his behavior but maybe just trying to explain it.

 

I've been told countless times that the 'invite over to watch a movie' does imply sex is likely to be taking place. A few dates. Clearly attracted to each other. Invite over to your home. It's not beyond the realms of possibility that could be an indication that you are ready to have sex with him.

 

Of course you have every right to say no at any time. But with rights come responsibilities. And you do have to act responsibly. Maybe, instead of trying to look for all the reasons that he was wrong, you could re-examine the situation in the light of you may share some responsibility for how things turned out.

[Pink Cupcakes]

Sounds like a definite keeper to me

 

Don't forget the almost got raped part. He forced himself on her.

[Ody]

Maybe, instead of trying to look for all the reasons that he was wrong, you could re-examine the situation in the light of you may share some responsibility for how things turned out.

 

Eh I don't agree with this at all. Guy sounds like a head case and that's not her responsibility. Differentiating between "guy seeing something as a possible sign of sex" and "whose fault it is when ****ty things happen". My only point to the OP is that if hook-ups really really aren't on the horizon then just watch the movie in a theater, or better yet have dinner where you can talk more than in a movie, get to know each other better.

 

In this situation, the dude should have quit pawing when it was obvious that it was going nowhere and definitely not followed up getting kicked out with a bazillion weird text messages and phone calls.

 

 

And if the women says loud and clear that will let you know when she's ready for sex, would you still look at it as a green light? The talk about sex was just the day before this 'event'.

 

More like a yellow one. Slept with too many women days, hours, or minutes after they say something like "I never XXX on the XXX date" or "you're not getting any." to take this at face value anymore. And not drunken one night stand nonsense, but sex that was repeated happily by both parties many times thereafter.

 

Sometimes it's meant seriously, and no sex occurs. Sometimes not. Sometimes it's some sort of test. Sometimes women like feeling that the guy is so hot for them they will pursue no matter what they're told. Sometimes it's the woman assuring herself she's not slutty. But many times I have no idea why a woman would say something that turns out to be so very very untrue. I don't like the situation any more than you do but it is what it is. If a woman tells me we're not having sex, and then two days later our genitals are sore from sexin friction and we're already planning what the next time we can get together to tear each other's clothes off again is, well yeah that's going to make me a bit less credulous next time I hear that phrase from a different woman.

 

Once again this doesn't apply to happyhands mcdoo over here. He needs to be put in timeout for a while or something. Nor is it saying that you led him on or any other such nonsense. Just talking about why most reasonable guys see being invited over for movie night as sexually encouraging, even if verbal cues point otherwise.

[CLC2008]

Both of you are weird...He, for being a pervert and you, for leading him on while you were on a period.

 

You must be joking? Wow...

 

[littlewhiterose]

He kept shoving his hands down my pants and I kept pulling them back out and saying no. Even if I wanted it, I was on my period for crying out loud. I even told him that, and he still wouldn't stop.

 

Oh God, he was probably checking to see if you really were on your period, as the real reason for turning down his sexual advances. I've had a guy pull that one before. That sucks that he couldn't take no for an answer. But it's a good thing it didn't get any worse.

[Ophelia Rue]

OMG! Dreamer, next time you see him, tell him I said hi. He's obviously my ex boyfriend. -_- LOL. Psychos.

[PinkToes]

My point is that many men encounter all the time women who say things like "no we shouldn't" but actually do want to have sex.

 

I wish women would stop pulling this crap. It makes it really difficult for the rest of us.

 

OP, I'm glad this guy showed his true colors before it got really ugly!

[justforfun]

Don't forget the almost got raped part. He forced himself on her.

 

Cupcakes...maybe you shouldn't date for a while.

[justforfun]

Eh I don't agree with this at all. Guy sounds like a head case and that's not her responsibility.

 

IMO she invited him into her home. She bears some responsibility.

[justforfun]

I wish women would stop pulling this crap. It makes it really difficult for the rest of us.

 

Would be nice if weren't deemed sluts for 'putting out' when we really want to have sex and so wouldn't have to go through some stupid charade of pretending we don't really want to.

[justforfun]

Well, let's see. It's your fourth date, there has been some kissing on the previous dates, you invite him over for a night of drinking and watching movies. To any reasonable person, that would be the equivalent of saying "come over to have sex". No wonder the guy was getting confused. He was probably thinking: "If she doesn't want to sleep with me, why did she invite me here in the first place? I must be doing something wrong; let's try again".

 

Johnny, you put up this post and the thread is still running? Why?

[PinkToes]

Would be nice if weren't deemed sluts for 'putting out' when we really want to have sex and so wouldn't have to go through some stupid charade of pretending we don't really want to.

 

Absolutely; it's a ridiculous double standard. But playing along doesn't make that attitude go away. If you want it, own it. Don't fuel the game.

[Ody]

Would be nice if weren't deemed sluts for 'putting out' when we really want to have sex and so wouldn't have to go through some stupid charade of pretending we don't really want to.

 

I wish women would stop pulling this crap. It makes it really difficult for the rest of us.

 

If you two can put together some sort of petition I'm on board.

 

Until then I'm just going to have to keep going around suggesting movie nights. Or that I cook for us. That's another good one.

[jw90063]

Her date sounds like a freak show. How can anyone bring up her responsibility in this matter. That's like telling a rape victim, you should have not allowed the guy to come to your house.

[justforfun]

Absolutely; it's a ridiculous double standard. But playing along doesn't make that attitude go away. If you want it, own it. Don't fuel the game.

 

Absolutely!

 

Personally? I own it. Bites me in the a$$ sometimes. But you win some, you lose some.

[justforfun]

Or that I cook for us. That's another good one.

 

"WOOSH"...the sound of that one flying over my head!

 

LMAO..I didn't know about the 'cook for us' one. Is that why guys put on their profile that they are really good cooks? :laugh:

 

So, I get dinner and a shag? Luvvin' it!

[justforfun]

....."woosh"

 

her date sounds like a freak show. How can anyone bring up her responsibility in this matter. That's like telling a rape victim, you should have not allowed the guy to come to your house.

[PinkToes]

Until then I'm just going to have to keep going around suggesting movie nights. Or that I cook for us. That's another good one.

 

So just to clarify, movie nights & dinner at your house negate the "no sex yet" talk? Or does it carry a little weight? Like maybe you'll try twice, but not three times, if it's been discussed before the actual event?

 

How did I not know this stuff until I read this thread?

[Ody]

"WOOSH"...the sound of that one flying over my head!

 

LMAO..I didn't know about the 'cook for us' one. Is that why guys put on their profile that they are really good cooks? :laugh:

 

So, I get dinner and a shag? Luvvin' it!

 

Haha, I don't know about that, I'd never put it on a profile. I hold off on proffering thin excuses for a hookup until at least an in person date!

 

Besides, I'm not *that* good of a cook. At least not so good it's going to really change any minds if she wasn't kidding about not wanting to have sex as discussed in this thread.

 

No, "oh my god that was the best salmon I've ever had, I've changed my mind I really have to f**k this man's c**k after all."

 

Chicks use this excuse too. I love when they do that because I have sex more often than I have home cooking so it's a real treat.

[Ody]

So just to clarify, movie nights & dinner at your house negate the "no sex yet" talk? Or does it carry a little weight? Like maybe you'll try twice, but not three times, if it's been discussed before the actual event?

 

How did I not know this stuff until I read this thread?

 

LOL 2.5 times. No sex and I'm calling dominos.

 

Yes this thread has become an oracle of wisdom.

[Johnny M]

Johnny, you put up this post and the thread is still running? Why?

I don't have the answer to that, but my post was flagged by the moderators. Apparently, I was being 'disrespectful'