Yikes! Next!

[Ody]

who cares what you think you are nasty*see above*

 

LOL Let me guess you don't date those icky "slut" type of girls either.

 

As far as who cares what I think, well given that you didn't say anything that hadn't been said half a dozen times already, and I at least tried to bring up some points that hadn't been mentioned...

 

Anyway you just keep getting invited over to movie nights and going home with a belly full of popcorn to be passive aggressive on internet message boards.

[dreamergrl]

If he really thought he was going to get laid that night, that was his own problem, I made it pretty clear.

 

I'm not all anti sex, but I'm not in a huge rush after just getting back into dating. I wasn't ready for it, I made that known. If he had a problem with that, that's his own deal. If a 30 year old man can't handle just watching a movie without having sex and getting plastered... well... next.

[Ody]

If he really thought he was going to get laid that night, that was his own problem, I made it pretty clear.

 

I'm not all anti sex, but I'm not in a huge rush after just getting back into dating. I wasn't ready for it, I made that known. If he had a problem with that, that's his own deal. If a 30 year old man can't handle just watching a movie without having sex and getting plastered... well... next.

 

My point is that many men encounter all the time women who say things like "no we shouldn't" but actually do want to have sex. So what you might think is clear may not be to him. I don't particularly like this aspect of things any more than you do but things are what they are.

 

Just to be "clear", I'm not referring to the "no stop that" and pulling his hands out of your pants and he's drunk and slobbery. That's just gross and sh**ty on his part, bordering on assault, and not to be tolerated, as you didn't good for you!

 

I mean whatever you said before the date or at the very begining of the night, if you did.

 

Like it or not, many men will view being invited over to cuddle up on the couch as sexually encouraging, due to no one's fault in particular and regardless of whether they've been told they are getting any or not. Something to keep in mind.

[Pink Cupcakes]

You came very close to being raped. Don't see this rapist again.

[dudet]

He got very touchy feely with me. To the point where I had to tell him to slow down. He agreed and backed off. Back to the movie. Not more then 15 minutes later, back to the same thing. He was shoving his hands down my pants and not understanding the word no. I told him it would be better if he left for the night.

He begged and pleaded with me. Said he couldn't help himself. Finally he left. Not without some texts and phone calls though. One claiming how he could fall in love with me, I'm so wonderful. The next saying "But Dreamer! I love you!". Then saying "You don't know what your doing, I'm the best damn guy you could ever get". My phone went on silent. I went to bed.

 

The next date he calls while I'm on my way to work, claiming he doesn't remember anything. I fill him in. He said he's ashamed of himself for losing control. Begs me not to tell my friends.

 

 

well its not hard to figure out he is a head case. those things i highlighted sound extremely psycho. come on why he is saying he loves you LOL what a nut, and he has the nerve to say he's the best damn guy you could ever get

[dreamergrl]

I know this doesn't mean all guys are like this. I don't generalize. But it's hard to want to date after such an experience. Perhaps I should go back to my happy single life again.

[carhill]

I'd personally save the home movie nights for further along when the people know each other more completely and the direction of the relationship (or friendship, as applicable) is more clear. Fewer ambiguities that way and less danger of a bad outcome.

[dreamergrl]

I'd personally save the home movie nights for further along when the people know each other more completely and the direction of the relationship (or friendship, as applicable) is more clear. Fewer ambiguities that way and less danger of a bad outcome.

 

Agreed. I guess I assumed it wouldn't be a horrible idea due to the fact that he had (HAD) the respect of two very close friends of mine. Between that, and how there has been no pressure to do anything I don't want to do.. I thought all would be okay. Boy was I wrong.

[carhill]

The best person to tell you how I am behind closed doors is my stbx. Friends are well-meaning but woefully ignorant on such matters, IMO.

 

I'm happy you didn't have to resort to neutralizing a threat. If you feel OK overall, I wouldn't see this as an impetus to a break from dating.

[dreamergrl]

The best person to tell you how I am behind closed doors is my stbx. Friends are well-meaning but woefully ignorant on such matters, IMO.

 

I'm happy you didn't have to resort to neutralizing a threat. If you feel OK overall, I wouldn't see this as an impetus to a break from dating.

 

But sometimes friends can give you insight when you have none.

 

I don't feel freaked out by the thought of dating... just a little bummed that it had that outcome.

[BobSacamento]

carhill is right. Movie night for men generally gives them a green light. At least that's how I always took it. However, if the woman says no I abide by that.

 

This guy is just another fool.

[dreamergrl]

carhill is right. Movie night for men generally gives them a green light. At least that's how I always took it. However, if the woman says no I abide by that.

 

This guy is just another fool.

 

And if the women says loud and clear that will let you know when she's ready for sex, would you still look at it as a green light? The talk about sex was just the day before this 'event'.

[carhill]

But sometimes friends can give you insight when you have none.

 

Yes, my best friend could and did tell my stbx how I am when 'drunk' and it generally matched up, at least in 'public'. The public part is the key. Some people (many?) behave differently in private intimate situations than they do in public. Being 'horny' and 'drunk' is even a greater impetus to such a difference, IMO.

 

I find it somewhat sad that the general norm of a woman inviting a man into a private situation is construed as an invitation to sex, but that is a reality you did evidently have to deal with. Not all men are like that

[BobSacamento]

And if the women says loud and clear that will let you know when she's ready for sex, would you still look at it as a green light? The talk about sex was just the day before this 'event'.

 

It's too risky of an environment.

[dreamergrl]

It's too risky of an environment.

 

Can you clarify this a bit? Risky for whom?

[BobSacamento]

Can you clarify this a bit? Risky for whom?

 

Having a man to your place for a movie that you have been dating is a signal. It's saying you want to step things up a bit. Now perhaps you have stated that you want to take things slow but to him, this invitation may just lead him to believe you have changed your mind.

 

So too risky for the person who wants to take it slow.

[dreamergrl]

Having a man to your place for a movie that you have been dating is a signal. It's saying you want to step things up a bit. Now perhaps you have stated that you want to take things slow but to him, this invitation may just lead him to believe you have changed your mind.

 

So too risky for the person who wants to take it slow.

 

Eh... but he brought up taking things slow. Not wanting to rush into anything. I agreed and said I wish for the same to go with sex. That was the day prior to movie night. I said I'd tell him when/if I felt differently.

 

I could understand what you were saying to an extent if he didn't go flying off the handle and proclaiming love and what not.

[carhill]

As a gentleman, I could perhaps clarify. If, during the public phase of dating, things have become more sexual, as opposed to physically affectionate, I would see such an invitation as one to take that sexual affection more private and intimate.

 

A generic and perhaps old-fashioned example would be a woman removing her heel while sitting at a restaurant table and rubbing my crotch with her stockinged foot. The heel part is titillating and the foot rub is direct sexual stimulation. Hope that makes sense

[dreamergrl]

As a gentleman, I could perhaps clarify. If, during the public phase of dating, things have become more sexual, as opposed to physically affectionate, I would see such an invitation as one to take that sexual affection more private and intimate.

 

A generic and perhaps old-fashioned example would be a woman removing her heel while sitting at a restaurant table and rubbing my crotch with her stockinged foot. The heel part is titillating and the foot rub is direct sexual stimulation. Hope that makes sense

 

We had kissed, and just been moderately affectionate, more him then me.

[BobSacamento]

Eh... but he brought up taking things slow. Not wanting to rush into anything. I agreed and said I wish for the same to go with sex. That was the day prior to movie night. I said I'd tell him when/if I felt differently.

 

I could understand what you were saying to an extent if he didn't go flying off the handle and proclaiming love and what not.

 

He blew it for sure.

 

I guess maybe I may of sounded like I was saying it was your fault. That is not the case. I just wanted to give some insight into how I usually look at a movie night.

[Johnny M]

Um I'm sorry, but how did I lead him on? Heaven forbid a person kiss another person without it turning into sex. He tried for more, I stopped it. He kept trying, I kept stopping it. There was no leading him on.

Well, let's see. It's your fourth date, there has been some kissing on the previous dates, you invite him over for a night of drinking and watching movies. To any reasonable person, that would be the equivalent of saying "come over to have sex". No wonder the guy was getting confused. He was probably thinking: "If she doesn't want to sleep with me, why did she invite me here in the first place? I must be doing something wrong; let's try again".

[dreamergrl]

Well, let's see. It's your fourth date, there has been some kissing on the previous dates, you invite him over for a night of drinking and watching movies. To any reasonable person, that would be the equivalent of saying "come over to have sex". No wonder the guy was getting confused. He was probably thinking: "If she doesn't want to sleep with me, why did she invite me here in the first place? I must be doing something wrong; let's try again".

 

So sex is the next step after kissing?

 

Leading him on would have been encouraging more sexual action beyond kissing.

 

I didn't suggest the movie night, he did. I said okay, and then we proceeded to have that talk.

[dudet]

Well, let's see. It's your fourth date, there has been some kissing on the previous dates, you invite him over for a night of drinking and watching movies. To any reasonable person, that would be the equivalent of saying "come over to have sex". No wonder the guy was getting confused. He was probably thinking: "If she doesn't want to sleep with me, why did she invite me here in the first place? I must be doing something wrong; let's try again".

 

your mind set seems about as equivalent as her f'd up dates. Let me correct your sentence, To any reasonable drunken perverted fool, that would be equivalent to saying "come over for sex"

 

didn't know that having a person over to watch a movie necessarily means you are going to get laid, especially if someone already made it clear they wanted to take it slow. sounds like you are blaming her for the creeps behavior. he acted bizarre as sh$t

[Johnny M]

So sex is the next step after kissing?

 

Leading him on would have been encouraging more sexual action beyond kissing.

 

I didn't suggest the movie night, he did. I said okay, and then we proceeded to have that talk.

You are intentionally ignoring the key part of my post above. You've already been on several dates and you obviously like him (hence, the kissing), so when he invites you over for a movie, of course he's gonna try to make a move. After all, men are expected to initiate sex. If you don't want to have sex, it's stupid to put yourself in a situation that normally leads to sex. Think about it.

[Johnny M]

Just to clarify, I'm not condoning the guy's behavior in any way. I'm just saying that it wasn't very smart of you to put yourself in a situation like that, knowing what it could easily lead to.