dreamergrl Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 So I had that date with the guy my friends set me up with. That was last week Saturday. Then we did a lunch date a few days later. Another date after that. He seemed pretty cool, had his head on straight. Rather affectionate. Seemed gentlemen like. No red flags. We got along very well. Some kissing, but that's it. So eventually we decide have a night in, with a movie or two. Work has been hectic for me, and I wasn't feeling like being out and about, but we wanted to hang out. So we did a movie night. There was food and drinks as well. Well I had one drink. He apparently had been sipping all night. Eh... It started out off well. We had some good conversation. Which led to some strange conversation. He started telling me he felt lost because he was no longer following his parents religion in which put a strain on the family.. and all this other deep type conversation. Moving ahead.. I think as the conversation went deeper, he started to drink more. Let me say, prior to all this, I had told him I wanted to take things slow, not rush anything. We both agreed it was good just getting to know each other. He got very touchy feely with me. To the point where I had to tell him to slow down. He agreed and backed off. Back to the movie. Not more then 15 minutes later, back to the same thing. He was shoving his hands down my pants and not understanding the word no. I told him it would be better if he left for the night. He begged and pleaded with me. Said he couldn't help himself. Finally he left. Not without some texts and phone calls though. One claiming how he could fall in love with me, I'm so wonderful. The next saying "But Dreamer! I love you!". Then saying "You don't know what your doing, I'm the best damn guy you could ever get". My phone went on silent. I went to bed. The next date he calls while I'm on my way to work, claiming he doesn't remember anything. I fill him in. He said he's ashamed of himself for losing control. Begs me not to tell my friends. Perhaps it was too soon for a night in with a movie. Maybe he drank to much? I don't know. We had some drinks together on one of our dates, and it sure didn't turn into that. He's also stopped in for a bit after a date, and we'd just talk or kiss and that'd be that. Nothing pushed. No asking for more. It was just a shock to me that all of a sudden he couldn't understand no. I thought we were on the same level, or I'd never have had him over for a movie. Eh... next.
jerseyboy Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 Just persistent? Or literally wouldnt take no for an answer? Just cause most guys do learn..youre kissing....you touch something, say her chest, and keep it up till she moves your hand away. If she does, you stop, keep kissing, then try again in a few minutes or whatever until she stops moving your hands. Verbal communication is pretty much ignored unless its clear. As in we shouldnt be doing this, its too soon, this is not a good idea, unless accompanied with a physical movement (grab hand, move away etc) to stop it. Or shes clear ie I need you to respect my wishes etc The rest I wouldnt read crazy into, although I totally feel your angst over it. I just have really nice guy friends, otherwise normal healthy gujys, but they cant seem to seperate love and sex well. They become very emotional during the act, and start feeling like they really do love her. You joke witrh them dude you ahve to stop saying it, but a lot fo them I find would probably make the most decent bf's you could have. They are not casual sex people. They dont cheat, at least ones I know. But they are tough to get rid of, so there is that.
northstar1 Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 Oh dg! The drinking just brought out the odd behaviour faster. Prob saved you more dates.
Ody Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 Ugh that sucks. He sounds like he has serious neediness issues and is possibly alcoholic to boot. Hehe, I have to ask, whatever possessed you to have a movie night if you were trying to take it slow? Didn't you read that thread on this very subject last week?!?! Good call on "next".
Author dreamergrl Posted November 29, 2009 Author Posted November 29, 2009 He kept shoving his hands down my pants and I kept pulling them back out and saying no. Even if I wanted it, I was on my period for crying out loud. I even told him that, and he still wouldn't stop.
Author dreamergrl Posted November 29, 2009 Author Posted November 29, 2009 Ugh that sucks. He sounds like he has serious neediness issues and is possibly alcoholic to boot. Hehe, I have to ask, whatever possessed you to have a movie night if you were trying to take it slow? Didn't you read that thread on this very subject last week?!?! Good call on "next". I honestly thought we were on the same page. He brought up taking things slow, like not getting to attached to quick. I brought up waiting on sex for a bit. I thought we had the same mind set. I've had movie nights with guys I've dated without them shoving their hands down my pants before.
Ody Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 The rest I wouldnt read crazy into, although I totally feel your angst over it. I just have really nice guy friends, otherwise normal healthy gujys, but they cant seem to seperate love and sex well. They become very emotional during the act, and start feeling like they really do love her. Nahh dude, everything you said applies completely to normal interactions. You're putting yourself in this situation - but that's not a good analog. This guy was blackout drunk, sending bizarre texts, claiming to be in love, begging, etc. Just a straight up basket case evening. Not the same type of thing as an old fashioned no means yes story...
carhill Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 He kept shoving his hands down my pants and I kept pulling them back out and saying no. Even if I wanted it, I was on my period for crying out loud. I even told him that, and he still wouldn't stop. Nice assault. I'd have kicked him in the nuts
Author dreamergrl Posted November 29, 2009 Author Posted November 29, 2009 Nice assault. I'd have kicked him in the nuts I got my friend on the phone and started telling her what was going on, while he was standing there. That's when he decided to leave. My friend and her boyfriend were literally shocked that that all happened. They said they were surprised as he's never seemed to be of that type. Not that they didn't believe me, but that the guy apparently has many fooled.
Devil Inside Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 He kept shoving his hands down my pants and I kept pulling them back out and saying no. Even if I wanted it, I was on my period for crying out loud. I even told him that, and he still wouldn't stop. Yikes. Drunk or not...I don't blame you for nexting this cat. Between this and the I love yous...I think you quit while you're behind.
jerseyboy Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 Nahh dude, everything you said applies completely to normal interactions. You're putting yourself in this situation - but that's not a good analog. This guy was blackout drunk, sending bizarre texts, claiming to be in love, begging, etc. Just a straight up basket case evening. Not the same type of thing as an old fashioned no means yes story... I guess I just feel abd for him, I think Im projecting one guy in particular onto him. I mean hes a really great guy. And he isnt weird. I dont personally think hes attractive,. but other women do. Hes defintiely not a classically good looking guy, but women find him more than cute.He can talk to women. Has a great personality. Reasonably successful, pulls in a few hundred k. He could do more but hes too laid back career wise. I dont get why he keeps burning through girls after a few dates. I mean Ive even gone double dating with him just to watch. But hes definitely giving off some desperate/clingy/way too emotionally quick vibe. And its clear even to his friends when hes talking about some girl he just met. He wants to be in love, and keeps fitting that desire to whomever he meets. But I mean, are a lot of girls so different?
Author dreamergrl Posted November 29, 2009 Author Posted November 29, 2009 Sorry, but even if you are the coolest cat around, you don't go saying "but I love you" that quick. Then he has the nerve to tell me ... "I don't want to shut the door on us, but I'm not ready for anything serious, obviously". Because I'm not sure when I asked to keep seeing him.
Ody Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 I guess I just feel abd for him, I think Im projecting one guy in particular onto him. I am talking about OP's date, not your friend...
Ody Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 I've had movie nights with guys I've dated without them shoving their hands down my pants before. LOL I'm pretty sure I've never had a first movie night in that didn't end in sex. Even if I wanted it, I was on my period for crying out loud. I even told him that, and he still wouldn't stop. Likewise. When my reply is "So? It doesn't bother me." and we're using condoms, it isn't a good deterrent. Maybe once or twice it wound up just being oral in this case, with sex five days later. But I do know for many of my guy friends this one is an effective deterrent. LOL I also know girls who will just lie and say this. Anyway this guy is still a loser, I'm just surprised he was even in the house and aware of your menstrual status. Glad you kicked his ass out and are moving on.
jerseyboy Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 And I mean a movie night in after several dates? Are you the only girl in the world who doesnt know what is coming at that point? Damned if you do, damned if you dont. Ive listened to a lot fo girls go on about "I invited him to my palce for dinner/movie, why didnt he try anything....
Author dreamergrl Posted November 29, 2009 Author Posted November 29, 2009 LOL I'm pretty sure I've never had a first movie night in that didn't end in sex. Yeah I realize it doesn't sound that common Likewise. When my reply is "So? It doesn't bother me." and we're using condoms, it isn't a good deterrent. Maybe once or twice it wound up just being oral in this case, with sex five days later. A guy in his right mind would proceed to send his hands down there, knowing he's going to run into a tampon? See.. I've never met a guy who was okay with that. But I do know for many of my guy friends this one is an effective deterrent. LOL I also know girls who will just lie and say this. No lies here. If I had let him continue... Anyway this guy is still a loser, I'm just surprised he was even in the house and aware of your menstrual status. Glad you kicked his ass out and are moving on. Well, given that my roommate has been around more, and everything was kept in the living room, I thought it would be okay, that and he's been there to pick me up or drop me off. I didn't announce my period until he wouldn't stop shoving his hand down my pants.
Author dreamergrl Posted November 29, 2009 Author Posted November 29, 2009 And I mean a movie night in after several dates? Are you the only girl in the world who doesnt know what is coming at that point? Damned if you do, damned if you dont. Ive listened to a lot fo girls go on about "I invited him to my palce for dinner/movie, why didnt he try anything.... I understand what COULD happen with movie night. But things were left pretty clear. Like I said, he's been in my home before after and before dates, and tried nothing. We haven't even done anything besides kissing. It's been kept at that point. Maybe most people have sex on 'movie night'. I've had plenty of movie nights without sex. Just chilling and watching something funny, laughing and talking. Grant it some kissing and cuddling.
jerseyboy Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 I understand what COULD happen with movie night. But things were left pretty clear. Like I said, he's been in my home before after and before dates, and tried nothing. We haven't even done anything besides kissing. It's been kept at that point. Maybe most people have sex on 'movie night'. I've had plenty of movie nights without sex. Just chilling and watching something funny, laughing and talking. Grant it some kissing and cuddling. I mean the period thing would of done it for me lol. It doesnt bother me later in a relationship , when I have feelings for her. With my gf Id be like whats your point, and most girls I find like sex more at that time anyway. They say it helps with the aches and cramps. But there woludl defintile be an eww factor with some girl you barely know
dudet Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 LOL I'm pretty sure I've never had a first movie night in that didn't end in sex. thats sad, real sad
Ody Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 A guy in his right mind would proceed to send his hands down there, knowing he's going to run into a tampon? See.. I've never met a guy who was okay with that. I've had more than one girl ask me to go down while they had a tampon in. Not on a first movie night though. But yes I've certainly had sex on a first movie night with girls when they were having their period. Usually it's just their first day or something and just a trickle, and I think their real concern is whether it would freak me out, not that they don't want to have sex because it's their period or that it will be really messy. If it was a full on flow day, yeah that might slow me down. It also helps that I'm pretty religious about the condom usage, there are some people whose preferred method of initiating sex seems to be to play a game of just the tip and yeah that would certainly be a no no for me the first time having sex. No lies here. If I had let him continue... LOL, no I didn't mean to imply you were lying, if that's how it sounded. I just think that's kind of funny in general that it's occasionally used as an out when it's not true.
Ody Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 (edited) thats sad, real sad Nahh I'm pretty happy about that but thanks for playing. Edited November 29, 2009 by Ody
dudet Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 lol for the girl who started this thread, you got the wrong people trying to give you advice. for the record, its not a good thing what the guy did on your date. shouldn't be trying to put his hands down your pants, whether he's drunk or not. sounds like his true side was coming out the more he got wasted. weird if you ask me. i would run for the hills lol
Ody Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 lol for the girl who started this thread, you got the wrong people trying to give you advice. for the record, its not a good thing what the guy did on your date Really? The funny thing is, every piece of advice in the thread seems to be along the same lines as yours. He sounds like he has serious neediness issues and is possibly alcoholic to boot [...] Good call on "next". The drinking just brought out the odd behaviour faster. Prob saved you more dates. Nice assault. I'd have kicked him in the nuts Yikes. Drunk or not...I don't blame you for nexting this cat. Between this and the I love yous...I think you quit while you're behind. Drunk on a date though does = next
dudet Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 I've had more than one girl ask me to go down while they had a tampon in. Not on a first movie night though. But yes I've certainly had sex on a first movie night with girls when they were having their period. Usually it's just their first day or something and just a trickle, and I think their real concern is whether it would freak me out, not that they don't want to have sex because it's their period or that it will be really messy. If it was a full on flow day, yeah that might slow me down. who cares what you think you are nasty*see above*
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