Author PlumPrincess Posted November 29, 2009 Author Posted November 29, 2009 Since my stbx used to criticize my dancing, it will be something I'll work on once the emotions of divorce have departed. Looking in the mirror is healthy IMO; deciphering a difference between global and specific dynamics should also be a part of that equation. IOW, look at the totality of your life and put these instances in their proper place in that totality. MC helped me with that acceptance and to better differentiate between global issues and those specific to individual dynamics. Balance How were you able to differentiate between global and individual issues?
carhill Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 How were you able to differentiate between global and individual issues? 'this relationship seems unhealthy; I'm not feeling fulfilled in it. Do all my relationships share this dynamic? Emotion? Perspective? Is it situational or global?' Certain aspects did appear to be global, especially areas of communication. Communication was an important part of my work in MC; mainly being able to communicate emotion in a more calm and sensible fashion. That said, the majority of my relationships were/are healthy, so it was the dynamic of certain relationship which were/are unhealthy. With that acceptance, I had to look upon my role and decide where my work lay and which unhealthy relationships were the result of incompatibility and which turned upon the work I needed to do for myself. If it sounds convoluted, likely because guys are generally inept at explaining this stuff. I'm still working on it
Devil Inside Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 I think I'm becoming a hermit now, a happy nun or something like that... So, taking Devil Inside's comment to heart I dropped guy #2 a message asking him why he didn't reply and that his friend did. His reply was that he and his friend are one. If his friend replied, so did he as well. And that he would sooo love to learn salsa with me, but that their work schedule conflicts with their leisure and that maybe I should teach them. Why is it that I'm getting older, but understanding people and what they want doesn't get easier at all?? Plum I am proud of you girl. Be direct, set those boundaries, I respect that...and frankly I find that a sexy quality in a woman. Keep this up and you will meet the right guy.
kizik Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 PlumPrincess, you say this happens mostly with guys. My response to that is that you should relax the guy thing a bit. I am sure you are personable and kind -- and I can tell just from reading your post that you are -- so why not just focus on friendships with your girl friends? The thing with good friends: they are there forever. No matter what. Dates and boyfriends and girlfriends, and oftentimes even husbands and wives -- these things don't always last. Personally since my last breakup I have decided to focus on making friends, reuniting with family and working on my own hobbies (music, writing, etc). Anyway, maybe I missed the point. Your post is about people not responding, after all. I hate that. I always try to text, call or email people back, even if it's my mom and she's the only person who's contacted me in 5 days. (Gotta love that.) What I do is to simply remember how the person didn't respond, and then I don't invite/text/call them in the future. If someone is your friend, it will be very obvious. You'll not have a hard time making plans just to meet up. Best of luck, kiz
Author PlumPrincess Posted November 30, 2009 Author Posted November 30, 2009 'this relationship seems unhealthy; I'm not feeling fulfilled in it. Do all my relationships share this dynamic? Emotion? Perspective? Is it situational or global?' Certain aspects did appear to be global, especially areas of communication. Communication was an important part of my work in MC; mainly being able to communicate emotion in a more calm and sensible fashion. That said, the majority of my relationships were/are healthy, so it was the dynamic of certain relationship which were/are unhealthy. With that acceptance, I had to look upon my role and decide where my work lay and which unhealthy relationships were the result of incompatibility and which turned upon the work I needed to do for myself. If it sounds convoluted, likely because guys are generally inept at explaining this stuff. I'm still working on it Thanks for your answer.
Author PlumPrincess Posted November 30, 2009 Author Posted November 30, 2009 Plum I am proud of you girl. Be direct, set those boundaries, I respect that...and frankly I find that a sexy quality in a woman. Keep this up and you will meet the right guy. Um, I think I'm a quite fascinating unbalanced mixture of insecure doormat and sarcastic bitch.
Author PlumPrincess Posted November 30, 2009 Author Posted November 30, 2009 PlumPrincess, you say this happens mostly with guys. My response to that is that you should relax the guy thing a bit. I am sure you are personable and kind -- and I can tell just from reading your post that you are -- so why not just focus on friendships with your girl friends? The thing with good friends: they are there forever. No matter what. Dates and boyfriends and girlfriends, and oftentimes even husbands and wives -- these things don't always last. Personally since my last breakup I have decided to focus on making friends, reuniting with family and working on my own hobbies (music, writing, etc). Anyway, maybe I missed the point. Your post is about people not responding, after all. I hate that. I always try to text, call or email people back, even if it's my mom and she's the only person who's contacted me in 5 days. (Gotta love that.) What I do is to simply remember how the person didn't respond, and then I don't invite/text/call them in the future. If someone is your friend, it will be very obvious. You'll not have a hard time making plans just to meet up. Best of luck, kiz But I didn't say that I prefer to befriend guys. I mentioned these guys, because I started to find it extreme that even guys who seem to be interested in me are not replying to me. Many of my girlfriends had the habit of not replying either and I moved on, but it's happening again.
kizik Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 Whatever, I took a long time writing that. Good luck.
Author PlumPrincess Posted December 1, 2009 Author Posted December 1, 2009 Whatever, I took a long time writing that. Good luck. Yes, thank you. It's just, I didn't feel that you were really understanding my problem. You assumed that I was trying to befriend these guys although I should know better and focus on my girl friends and that's simply not correct. And I'm not sure if it was clear in my post, but it's not that I'm looking for an easy solution à la "you're a nice person, they're *******s, don't let them treat you like that, move on." I'm not going to claim that my insecurity is not clouding my judgment once in a while or that I'm not oversensitive sometimes. I'm wondering if my approach of dealing with these people by ignoring them is the best and what would be the best approach. Nevertheless, I didn't want to come across as ungrateful either. ;-)
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