Is it a movie or reality?

[billy356]

Ok, so this very well could be a hollywood story although the ending hasn't been written yet. I am looking for guidance and advice on how to make it a true blockbuster....

 

This may be long but it is a good story...

 

In 1997 I was dating a girl at my university. I was a senior and she was a freshman (I know...) One night we were hanging out at her dorm room and in walks her roommate. It was this 4'11 bubble of energy we will call Lisa (in case she ever finds this via google..lol). I was immediately entranced. Looking back at it now I can honestly say it was the closest I have ever been to love at first sight. I can't remember how but I got her screen name on AIM and we actually started chatting. I quickly told her how I felt and she said she pretty much felt the same way. I dumped her roommate for her (I still feel bad about that but we are all friends now) we went out, we kissed and we started a mini-relationship. Things didn't work out, I had some things going on in my life that interfered and she met her first real boyfriend at that time and they dated for 4 years.

 

I saw her a few times while she was dating this guy, nothing ever happened because she was with him but there was always a strong attraction between us. An energy that couldnt be denied. When she broke up with him in 2004 she came and saw me where i was living. We finally gave into the temptation that was always there and a magical connection began. In hindsight the timing was really bad. As we all know from being here in this forum you cant jump into another relationship right after one like she had.

 

We spent 3 months together and it was like everything we thought it would be. She told me she loved me and I told her I had always loved her. We made plans to live together after the summer as we were both going in different directions for that summer.

 

Then the inevitable twist. She grew confused not being able to have time to process the breakup. She wanted to go back to him. She went about it in a way that was hurtful but I let her go, saying it was ok even though it tore me apart. After, NC was broken and a nasty fight ensued. Awful things were said, things that cannot ever be taken back. Her relationship with the ex of course did not work out and I started a ridiculous relationship that lasted 5 years with a girl way too young and way too immature. That ended in disaster as has been detailed here.

 

So Wednesday before Thanksgiving I sorta-accidentally sign on to AIM for the first time in 5 years. I am shocked to see Lisa has the same screen name she had in 1997. I stare at it for a good 10 minutes. I havent spoken a word to this girl in over 5 years. But she was my best friend, one of only two true loves in my life. I never stopped being in love with her.

 

I decide that 5 yrs is enough and I send her a IM, the same way we started over 12 years ago. She is shocked. She never thought she would hear from me again. We talk awkwardly casually for a few minutes and then decide to talk about the incident that caused our 5 year silence. I start by apologizing, she apologizes as well. We go over the entire relationship, the good and the bad. She mentions how surprised she is at the surge of emotions she is getting from IMing me. of course it follows the natural progression to the phone. We spend 7 hours IMing and talking that first night and by the end of the night she agrees to travel over 3500 miles to come visit me for a weekend coming up.

 

We have talked every day since Wed, both IM and phone, over 4 hours each day. She has become dramatically more mature, more confident. She is getting her PhD this spring. We are on a level mental playing field which we never were on before. All the old emotions are there on my side, I cant deny that. She is single and hasnt had a whole lot of luck since we were last together.

 

So here I am 2 weeks away from the love of my life coming to visit me. We are older now, I am 34 and she is 30. We are both intelligent, analytical and wiser. i am more the romantic, she is more the pragmatist. I will be moving back east at the end of next month and will be sorta far away but within a days drive for sure. I am not sure what she is expecting or even why she agreed to come visit but she did so with little hesitation.

 

What I want to do is tell her that I think we should give it another shot now that we are in a better place, that we keep coming back together for a reason, that the reason we havent had luck in other relationships is that we were waiting to be together again. I want to tell her that now is our time.

 

But I am afraid she is coming just as a friend, to reconnect with someone she cares about without intimate feelings. That she will say the distance will still be too big between us, that she wouldnt want me to have to move just to be with her.

 

What do I do when she comes? Would it be a bad idea to make a move so to speak? Would it be a bad idea to give her that speech? Should I let her make all the moves when she never has been comfortable in that role before?

 

Arghhhh....I have always known this was the girl and i never thought I would get another chance. it already is a great story/toast for a wedding if it ever got that far...lol

 

Any thoughts are appreciated, we have 2 weeks from today to come up with a plan..... and thanks as always!!

[billy356]

OK well maybe it is like a lifetime channel movie?

[norajane]

You don't need a plan. Just be yourself and do what feels natural when you're together. You'll know if it feels right. You can be honest about your feelings - whatever they actually are after you see her and spend time with her. You have nothing to lose.

[billy356]

Thanks norajane, sometimes it is easy to get wrapped up in your own head over things like this..lol

[norajane]

I know...you're excited. I'm sure she is too or she wouldn't be flying out to see you.

[Left in a Lurch]

Answer the door naked and every question you have will be answered in the first 5 seconds.

[billy356]

LOL...well that might be an idea if i didnt have to go pick her up at the airport. The TSA tends to frown on scrawny, naked, irish men walking through security....

[Left in a Lurch]

Well at least they won't have to pat you down.

 

If she's coming that far to see you after one long, it's a pretty big statement on her part.

[Jerseyboy.]

LOL

 

I feel for you man

 

 

Those bubbly girls are addictive.

 

Hope it works out for you

[doushenka]

Mmm, scrawny naked Irishmen... *cough* Okay, mind out of gutter.

 

It sounds like Lisa's just as excited to see you as you are her -- and that's a good sign. Who travels 3500 miles to see a long-lost college friend unless he means something to her? I wouldn't!

 

Take heart, Billy me lad, and show her the man you've become since '97.

 

Best of luck!

[billy356]

Ok so the visit has happened and below is the synopsis for those that are interested.

 

I picked her up from the airport, had her go to a baggage claim area and snuck up behind her and surprised her. She was beaming as we hugged twice. The whole walk to the car was full of smiles and long looks at each other. The car ride back was hysterical. We laughed hard, sung along with the radio, etc…

 

In short the entire weekend was great. Except for one thing. On Sunday afternoon, after an intimate moment she started crying and basically said she couldn’t do this. Long story short, there was another guy that she had only gone out with 3 times without any sort of physical contact but she felt it wasn’t fair to start something with me if there were any feelings for any other guy. I said I understand that there are feelings, and that I thought that was normal given the speed at which everything happened. Much more dialogue and the decision was made to close the book on us for good.

 

I left for a little while to clear my head. I was confused. The emotional and physical connection was there, maybe even stronger than any time in our 12 year history. Why was she saying this? When I went back it was awkward. I ended up laying with her on the couch, figuring that if this was it I would at least spend it close to her. Well, that proximity has always had one result and we spent one last night together.

 

The next day on the way to the airport we talked for hours (long trip, I live on an island). She didn’t know why she felt confused, she realized that it made perfect sense to give us a shot. By the end of the conversation she had decided that she had some time to think it over and that she would. I said great, just let me know.

 

The goodbye at the airport was SO difficult. We hung out for a little bit and then a watery eye goodbye with a kiss.

 

The next day she IMs me first thing in the morning and opens with “I have good news and bad news” and goes on to say that the bad news is she has a date with the other guy that night but that the good news is she is going to tell him that she doesn’t want to see him anymore. On her 12 hr flight back home she apparently had a WTF moment and realized she was, in fact, being crazy. She says she wants to give us a shot, a real shot and apologizes for being so out there during that Sunday.

 

So, that is where we are. A disastrous ending averted by a long plane flight to think things over. I am a little wary because of the speed of the decision, almost would feel better if she took more time, but I can tell from her face (Skype) that she means it and that look that I remember from the last time we told each other we love one another is there.

 

I am a little wary but very happy. But now I turn to you guys….advice on this situation?

[Malenfant]

trust your gut.. do whatever you feel will make you comfortable.

 

everyone's entitled to change their minds, apparently it is a woman's perogative!!

 

i understand you feeling dubious, especially after having such a great time and then she let you down.

a situation like that would make anyone nervous, but we've all made mistakes and I believe in trusting your gut instincts.

if you want a relationship, you have to take a chance.

 

many couples have had their problems but sometimes (and not meaning to sound too soppy) love wins in the end.

 

good luck

[billy356]

Ok, well time for an update to this saga.

 

For the past 6 months we have been living in Providence and despite the usual hiccups that people go through everything has been fantastic. We are moving to Michigan in a couple of weeks and before that planning a trip to Yellowstone.

 

We have talked about being married and we both agree that we should. Knowing each other for 12 years has definately helped speed things along. That and we are both older and more understanding of life in general.

 

So I bought a ring, smaller than I would have liked but we have a lot of bills coming up with the move, and I will propose in Yellowstone! She has already said she would say yes if i asked her tomorrow so I am pretty confident on this one!

 

So it all continues well!!

[Green]

I really don't see how this is a movie. I'm glad to hear things are moving a long well.