floods88 Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 its been exactly a month now and last night i went to southampton to see an old college friend. we ended up going clubbing and i got with some guy. i had a really fun night and i hardly thought about him. the male attention made me feel better and being out having a good time made me feel as though i can carry on without him and be strong. it was the first time i had a drink and didnt end up crying and getting more depressed. however, today, i feel guilty, as if ive ruined any chance of us reconciling. as far as i know, he hasnt been with anyone after we broke up. he also sent me a message last night in my facebook inbox saying "why are you being a d***head?" i havent responded, and i seriously do not understand what he means and why he said that. i guess my question is, has anyone been in a situation where they felt guilty for getting with another person even though you are broken up? and why in gods name is he now sending me messages insulting me? argh
Taucher Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 Hello floods88, This is normal. I have started a simlar thread about how guilty I feel about moving on. greaycloads explained it too me in a way that made sense: the only connection you have with your ex is pain the feel with them leaving you. You are holding onto this link. When you move on, you have no link left with your ex. You DID have the happiness you shared, then you had the pain that you felt. If you have the happiness shard with your ex and it is gone, you then are left with the pain...and the pain makes you feel close to your es. So you feel like you want to hold onto this pain as a way of holding onto a link with your ex. The only thing making you feel bad is yourself, and that is fine if you are not ready to let go. 1 month is not a long time at all. But however you feel, whatever you think your ex is doing does not alter the reality. You can sit around at home doing nothing, or you can go and sleep with as many people as you want. Either way, your ex will do whatever your ex does regardless. You need to do what YOU need to do without thinking about what you ex is doing. Easier said than done, but true anyway. I know what you are going through. You will be fine eventually. Take care. T
Arabella Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 I've been there before, I think it's normal. You feel guilty because you're beginning to move on, but you still love him so part of you is still feeling like you're doing something wrong... except you're not. Enjoy Arabella
Taucher Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 Sorry, forgot to say this. The message he left on your Facebook page is just him trying to get attention. He left you and his ego wants him to think you are finding it really hard. And he is succeding. What you do now is irrelevant to whether you reconcile or not. He wants a reaction and you must not give it to him. Try not to care what he writes or says, it is unimportant. Did he dump you or the other way around?
Author floods88 Posted November 29, 2009 Author Posted November 29, 2009 He left you and his ego wants him to think you are finding it really hard. i think this is exactly why he is doing this. he is expecting me to sit at home and mope and cry, because he knows how much i love him. i think me making an effort to move on is annoying him. to answer your question, i technically broke up with him, but i felt i was pushed into it. i tried to reconcile the next day, and he said he needed time, and then told me he didnt want to be with me anymore a week later. so basically, i am the dumpee. i'm thinking if i just push through and carry on doing what i want to do, the feelings of guilt will subside. i completely agree with the "holding onto the pain because its the only link to your ex" idea.
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