2BHAPPY Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 I was in an 8 month relationship wherein things were good for the first few months and then it just went downhill. There were silent treatment episodes initiated by him..but in reality it was just that I was calling him and he wasnt calling me so I would just let it be. The first 2 I initiated and the we came back together and discussed the issues. The 3rd, after the first week he came by my house and brought my stuff over. This last 4th silence treatment, I was really ready to say it was over because he wasnt compromising at all..it was all about what he wanted to do in the relationship. He was controlling, possessive and being that we are in our middle ages and had other families, it was hard to have come together. I was feeling that I couldnt trust him with my problems because he was one to kind of throw it back at you during an argument. He told me many times that he would not be financially supportive of me in the future and he thought romance was BS. He expected me to pay for some of our dinner dates and our short weekend getaways. So I really didnt see the benefit of being in this relationship.. Anyway, yesterday I reached out to him so that I could talk to him and ended it if he didnt want to work on our issues. He texted me and said not to contact him again and wished me well. I could not believe thas was coming from a middle age man. I guess he got pissed off at me because I didnt run to him sooner and he decided to end it himself. Now I am left heartbroken because in reality I wanted to work on this or at least be first for a while and see if we could work things out. In reality I guess it is best to break up and go our separate ways. This was torture on me knowing that I couldnt have a total relationship, meaning I couldnt rely on him and there was no romantic dinners or flowers or just doing something that I liked. I lot of it was my fault because of my communication style. If I was upset, I couldnt tell him right off..I would just retreat and then talk to him and would tell him what I wanted and he would try sometimes or just tell me that he was not going to change. I fear being alone and this is why am feeling so down even though the breakup was the best. He was at times abusive and manipulative, and he thought women were out to get his money. He had a lot of money in the bank but he lived like a miser and didnt want to spend money on doing fun things. I felt as if he didnt think I was valuable enough in his life to please me. He pleased me in ways that didnt cost money to him, but it felt more like a companionship than a loving relationship. He really didnt have many friends so he had a lot of time for me. Anyway, finally got what I wanted, to be out of the relationship and it really hurts. I hope I can start to feel better soon. He didnt even want to see me face to face to break up..had to pick up things at his door and I've never had to have that kind of breakup with anyone. We always discuss the whys and then move on and eventually forget. I would appreciate your thoughts and words of comfort as I am feeling really bad..
WTRanger Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 The best thing you can do is learn from this situation. It sounds as if you realize that you may need to work on your communication style. But then again, how long did it take for you to talk if something bothered you? Was it beyond a normal, and healthy cooling off period? Say a few hours or a day at max? Work on yourself and you alone. You cannot fix this guy's problems and it sounds as if he is a real controlling POS, so methinks you are better off without him. Remember, this is about you and you alone. This guy is no longer part of the equation.
Arabella Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 I know how you feel, 2BHappy. My ex had periods that he wouldn't so much as respond to a text... he would disappear on me, and even when he was around, things weren't all that great. He was inconsiderate, took me for granted, completely unconcerned with my needs and feelings and overall treated me very poorly. I wanted to get out of the relationship too, and he ended it a couple days ago. That's after begging me back every time -I- tried to end it. Control issues much? I can only say that some people are simply too selfish to give anything to anyone else. They constantly seek to fulfill their own needs without investing anything themselves. They are "takers" and that's all they do. Take as much as they can while giving as little as possible. Cheer up. We can do better than them. Arabella
Author 2BHAPPY Posted November 29, 2009 Author Posted November 29, 2009 I must also say that one of the reasons why I had issues with him is because he made a lot of money and had no bills, not even mortgage and had over a million dollar saved..but didnt want to spend more than $30 on a dinner and didnt want to spend money going to the movies. If we went on vacation, he would expect me to pay for some. I just couldnt get past that as I was having some financial setbacks and I couldnt count on him. He was also impotent after prostate cancer and I didnt know if this was going to be permanent. So, I couldnt trust him to bail me out of any financial problem, I had to pay some of the dates, we couldnt go anywhere too expensive because he didnt want to pay..He made $10,000 a month and no bills whatsover. He was abusive and would joke and point out to me if I had the slight smell of sweat on me..Said he liked getting a rise out of me. So no financial backup, no sex, I paid some of the dates, critical...So what was I thinking? This was more companionship for him than anything.
trueblue72ny Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 sorry to hear this has happened to you 2bhappy. i say you are lucky in that it ended sooner than later if it wasnt meant to be. it sounds like he is kind of intolerant and comes across as indifferent. doesnt sound like love to me. it is more difficult to end things when your heart is into it. glad you got out before it got to deep.
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