rick Posted December 15, 2003 Posted December 15, 2003 Hi, I’ve been in a relationship for three months now. I used to be best friends with my gf, till I started to have strong feelings towards her, and we spoke and ended up together. I know it’s only been three months but I’m in love with her . The problem is that she says she’s confused, she doesn’t know what she wants because she doesn’t want to ruin the friendship but she also says she's happy with me. I know she feels something for me cos I can see it in her eyes. Last week was the best week of my life we got on really well and had an amazing time. But now she’s acting different. I think she’s scared to commit cos she had a bad relationship before me… what can I do?? How can I find out how she feels about me?
mfrmboy Posted December 15, 2003 Posted December 15, 2003 Hi Rick! Take it slow and easy. You said she was in a bad relationship before. Don't come on too strong, you could scare her away. Be her friend and let her know how you feel! If you truly do love her you will give her the space she needs and be willing to wait. Be romantic, Wine and dine her. Don't try to pressure her into bed or give her ultimatums. It will ruin your friendship and any chance of a relationship. Enjoy her and the time you have together. If it's meant to be she'll come around! Have A good time and best of luck!!
Arabess Posted December 15, 2003 Posted December 15, 2003 I agree with Mfrm....SLOW DOWN! People have a tendency to see things in a relationship they WANT to happen, which aren't necessarily there. Believe me, if someone is interested in you.....you'll know it. You don't have to pick apart stuff to 'find' it in there. The worst thing anyone can do is believe someone cares about them....but believes that person 'doesn't know yet'. Someone CAN enjoy being with you and is possibly exploring the idea of whether the relationship is right for them. But if you start reading into things....they can change their mind fast. If she's showing signs of backing off....all you can do is respect her wishes and give it a break.
jmargel Posted December 15, 2003 Posted December 15, 2003 She's scared because things are going too good in her mind. Part of her might be thinking 'I better end it now, before I get hurt'. This is normal for the most part. Thing is, you need to keep communication open to her. Keep letting her know how much you care & love her. Show her as well. Last thing you want to do is say 'Ill step away & give you time to think about it'. She doesnt need time to over-analyze things & think about it. She need comforting words & affection. Tell her that you would probably feel the same way. Make her understand that this is a normal thing to encounter but that it's ok. You'll be there for her. My gf I was friends with for a year before. Her now ex-bf used to neglect her all the time & treat her like a trophy. At first I wanted them to work things out, but over the months I saw him just taking her for granted. Many times he would ditch her to go out w/ his friends, etc.. and her & me always went out. We never fought except when it came to him. I then told her my feelings for her but she still wanted to try to work it out with him, which I accepted. This past summer I fell in love with her, but she didnt return those words. I didnt expect her to, but I needed to let her know. We continued to go out & she did say it felt weird, but I didnt make any advances on her. We were very close to each other, yet that barrier existed. Then out of the blue, one day we went to a fair, and that's when she told me that she's in love with me, and there were many nights after I left her place she would think of me that entire night & couldn't fall asleep. She left her bf, and its going to be 3 months on xmas. I've been on cloud nine since, and we get along great! Its like we've been made for each other. However I knew he would still (the ex) be an obstacle. But, I had to 'trust' her and let her deal with him the way she thought best. Yes there were times she told me she 'missed' him, all I could tell her is my feelings on that. In the worst way I wanted to tell her 'You can't talk to him again', but knew that would backfire. I had to let her get closure on things. I had to trust that she loves me enough that she wouldn't go back to him. Yes she still calls him every now & then and hell yes it bothers me. But I am trusting her when she talks to him. What i'm saying is let her decide what is best, but to guide her in some ways without her realizing it. Its hard to sit by and get your feelings hurt. Its a risk that you take with love. But unless you try you'd never know what you might be truly missing. Hang in there
ASDFJKL Posted December 16, 2003 Posted December 16, 2003 What can I say? This is just the way love goes sometimes. I agree with everyone else. You may be coming on a little too strong for her, and you may be moving too fast as well. Cool down...and slow down. Be a good friend to her, and listen to her carefully...find out what she is thinking inside. Or, maybe, you'll have to HELP her find out what she's thinking inside. She got out of a bad relationship, and on top of that, she is dating someone who used to be JUST her best friend, and no more than that. This is a strange (but GOOD!) transition for her, and she likes it and knows it's good for her, but just needs a little time to get used to it. You can show her that you care about her without going overboard. Just BE THERE FOR HER.
Author rick Posted December 16, 2003 Author Posted December 16, 2003 thanks a lot to all of you. i guess i must chill out a bit.. Women are too complicated (just Joking)
dyermaker Posted December 16, 2003 Posted December 16, 2003 Women are too complicated (just Joking) Joking? I don't get it.
Recommended Posts