AKP SoMmErS Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 May be slightly long ....... sorry I thank you greatly for reading all this .. I'm so sorry its this long lol but I wanted you to know pretty much everything to get a better judgement on things .... Sorry again Me (Alex, 18) and my perfect partner (Kathryn, 17) starting dating back in November/December time last year, we met through my (at the time) best mate, (we're not mates at all anymore because I'd fallen for her) he said to me 'He really likes her but I think she likes you, please don't do anything mate'. Where I said 'She is an amazing gal, I won't ask her out ... but if she asks me I ain't gonna say no' to which he said nothing lol. Anyrate (sorry I do that a lot ) yeah we started going out on the 15th of December last year and were having the best times of our life, we both said that 'I think your the one' and we were so in love, we talked about getting married, living together, having kids, etc. Everything about our future together. In our whole relationship together we had only not seen each other for 3 days ..... 3 days!! lol, which I'm pretty sure had something to do with us breaking up which I now regret but at the time was loving it soo .... Everything was great until she started college about 2 months ago, where she started meeting new and different people and one person in particular which now (a week after we broke up) is seeing him ... I mean he seems a nice enough guy but .... not saying these are bad things, but he smokes, does drugs, goes out looking for fights, is constantly going out and getting smashed and he's just not the guy for her ... he sent me texts a few weeks ago pretending to be his (at the time) girlfriend and asking loads of questions and that .... so yeah being a d**k head like he is really. I love her so much I don't want to see her get hurt and I know he will :(. Right ... the brake up.. Things started going down hill since she started college ... until one day I went on her laptop to go on internet and msn and what ever else ... and there was a convo on there between her and this guy she's now seeing, it was just loads of flirting and telling each other how they feel about one another and stuff like that and I totally flipped and went ape s**t was proper pis**d and we went on a break because she wanted him but she loved me and after a week we got back together because in all fairness you really can't help who you have feelings for, and I was understanding of this and took her back, but on the terms that she had to talk to me more, be more open because that really was her only problem and on the terms that I had to stop getting jealous over nothing and to stop trying to control her, admitidly .. I was like that :( but I didn't even realise I was So we got back together. Last week 21st of November she ended it :( she text me saying 'Hey, I'm back do you want to come take the dog(s) out for a walk as I think we need to talk' so I knew what was coming ... things had been really bad, we we're constantly arguing about stupid little things. So we went for a walk, we were still holding hands and everything and just stopped me and said 'I'm really sorry but I'm just not happy anymore' I just said nothing and she said 'I can't explain it ... I'm just not happy with you anymore' I just said 'It will get better I promise ... it will come back' but ..... we broke up :( and was devestated and I could tell she didn't really want to aswell :( I have since found out that she broke up with me because I was controlling and to obssessive over her ... which I do now realise I was :( Since then (a week ago) I didn't contact her till the monday (because I knew I shouldn't, if I want her back) when she was on msn, but I was to weak and starting talking to her, just genral friendly chat. The next day I rang her and told her I wanted to talk to her, so I went down to hers and just told her 'that I've changed and I'm not that controlling obssessive person I was and I admit the relationship has broken down because of the way I was ... but I promise you I have changed and I'm always going to love you, your my soul mate ... I know you won't want to get back together yet and thats fine because I will wait for you for the rest of my life' to which she said 'I'm sorry but I don't want to be with you .. and yes I believe you have changed and I still love you but its not the same I just want to be friends .... maybe okay .. maybe a very big maybe but in the future we could get back together .. but I don't want to be with you at the moment'. She then came round the next day for an hour or so and we watched T.V. and she came to get all her stuff that was at mine ... as she was leaving I asked her 'Are you ever going to come back?? I want you back, I've changed it will be so much better I promise .... I'll never stop loving you ' she said 'Yeah I know but not meaning to sound harsh but I don't want you' to which I said 'Ever??' and she said 'I dunno, I can't see into the future' and I said 'Okay ... but one last thing why don't you want me at the minute??' she said 'Because I haven't forgiven you yet' (Fow the way I was by the way, just if you didn't know what she meant by that lol) The next time I saw her was yesterday where she rang me and talked and I got upset so she said 'Look come back to mine and we'll talk'. So I went back to hers and she had made me a cup of tea and some lunch :) and we just talked about how she's probly going to go out with this guy but I still want you in my life and I would love for us to be really good friends ... to which I basically said 'Okay, but he's going to hurt you you even said yourself you don't love him and you love me ... I've changed for you I've done everything your've asked and now that I've done it you don't want me and I said I'd be happy to be really good mates with you ... but not now, I still want you a hell of a lot your all I think about and I know that if we're friends then we could never be together, so I'll be friendly still see each other, talk and hang out and that but at the moment I'm not your friend because I don't want to be in the friend zone .. but if we can't work it out and get back together I'd love to be really good friends with you because I always want you in my life' to which she said 'Likewise' During this time she was holding my leg and then my hand and kissed me a few times on the cheek and forehead I just really want her back but found out today shes now going out with this noob ... I just really want some help and really want her back I feel so alone and unhappy at the minute :( and know that me and her are meant to be together .. shes the reason I was put on this planet any help will be greatly appreciated. I just can't see myself without her by my side :) Thank you if you just wasted you precious minutes reading this lol ... but I really do need help i'm struggling big time ... Thanks x
doomage Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 So first of all you and your best mate aren't friends anymore because you put her on a pedestal? Not good. Second when a chick goes to college things change, they experience different things and meet way different people, and sometimes they meet a guy that catches their eyes, which is what happened here. She made you second fiddle man, she dumped you because she wanted him but still "loved" you bs things didn't work out the first time so she went back to you because you were convenient and you took her back like a idiot. Then when you went on her laptop and you found the convo understandbly you went ape****. You had every right to, but you should have cut her right then and there. And your not just getting jealous over nothing, she was flirting and having an intimate conversation with another dude, would she like that if the shoe was on the other foot? I think not. She clearly chose the other guy over you, because you became her puppydog who would run to her whenever she asked you too, which is bad news for you. Once she broke up with you you took her offer for friendship which was another mistake because the only reason people do that is to make themselves feel better, and you dying. Stop all contact with her, leave her be for now or forever. Do not wait for her like you said you will because what are you gonna keep waiting after she gets married and has kids. Your gonna kick yourself in the ass. The biggest mistake you made was seeing her everyday, you got dependent on her which brought the obsessive jealous guy out of you. Trust me this happened to me recently with a female friend i fell for, well were not friends anymore because of my behavior. Basically you scared her off by being jealous and controlling, nobody likes to feel restricted once you do that their gonna run for the hills. Go no contact concentrate on being alone, because you weren't born with her attached to you so you can live happy with or without her. And stop saying stuff like "i was put on this earth for her" go bang 10 other women and see if she is still so "perfect" which she is not, she was straying while she was with you so kick her to the curb and start loving yourself.
Author AKP SoMmErS Posted November 29, 2009 Author Posted November 29, 2009 Yeah I guess your right ... I am starting to get over her and seeing her more as a friend, she is a great person and I would love to be mates with her but not atm as I still want her lol .... I'll just leave her be, go NC and only talk to her if she talks to me first . Did see her today though ... talked as mates really till when I left .. then I cracked :( lol ... just told her I wanted her back and that your'll never find someone that will love and care for you as much as me and that I've changed and could make you so so happy, she said I know I do believe your've changed and apart of me will always love you and I always want you in my life your still very important to me and I still care a lot about you, but I'm happy. I said things like I can make you happy now, why can't we try it again?? She just said well theres a few reasons why we can't as I'm with Steve now and I feel happy and free .... Just before I left I said 'I just want you back so badly' she said 'I know and I'm sorry ' to which I said 'I really would do anything hun, your so important to me' all she said was 'I know' so I said 'Is there actually anything I can do??' ..... 'Just be a friend' I said 'I will and am ..... but is that all we're ever going to be?' to which she said 'Well I can't predict the future but atm I'd have to say yeah' all I said was 'Okay' and then left :( I can tell she still has feelings for me and doesn't want me to disappear from her life .. I just hope that in time she'll realise what a d**k this guy is a realise she made a mistake and come back but I just really can't see whats going to happen atm :( Thanks for your input .... appreciated x
NopeNah Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 Stop contacting her. You're only making yourself look weak and clingy, not an attractive trait. She's with him now so, give her none of you.
doomage Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 Yeah I guess your right ... I am starting to get over her and seeing her more as a friend, she is a great person and I would love to be mates with her but not atm as I still want her lol .... I'll just leave her be, go NC and only talk to her if she talks to me first . Did see her today though ... talked as mates really till when I left .. then I cracked :( lol ... just told her I wanted her back and that your'll never find someone that will love and care for you as much as me and that I've changed and could make you so so happy, she said I know I do believe your've changed and apart of me will always love you and I always want you in my life your still very important to me and I still care a lot about you, but I'm happy. I said things like I can make you happy now, why can't we try it again?? She just said well theres a few reasons why we can't as I'm with Steve now and I feel happy and free .... Just before I left I said 'I just want you back so badly' she said 'I know and I'm sorry ' to which I said 'I really would do anything hun, your so important to me' all she said was 'I know' so I said 'Is there actually anything I can do??' ..... 'Just be a friend' I said 'I will and am ..... but is that all we're ever going to be?' to which she said 'Well I can't predict the future but atm I'd have to say yeah' all I said was 'Okay' and then left :( I can tell she still has feelings for me and doesn't want me to disappear from her life .. I just hope that in time she'll realise what a d**k this guy is a realise she made a mistake and come back but I just really can't see whats going to happen atm :( Thanks for your input .... appreciated x Be truly honest with yourself, you do not want her friendship, you want all of her, the only reason why you would be mates with her is to still be around her, pining for her, kissing her ass, hoping one day your dream will come true, but if you keep going like this nothing good will come of it You seem like a good dude with a good heart, your just alittle misguided right now and that's understandable but i'm going to put the proverbial foot in your ass right now lol. Alright first off never ever say "you'll never find a better person than me..." or something like that, girls hate that. And no you haven't changed right now you are not yourself you are a clingy, desperate doormat. Honestly look at yourself and ask yourself if you are the same guy she met in the beginning. Most likely your not because your emotions have taken over your whole being. Look at the situation objectively, logically and proceed to do what i tell you. keep your emotions in check because you cracking everytime you talk to her is just gonna push her that much farther away from you, maybe for good. There might be some hope left in this situation but you have to do the hard work man. Also don't tell her verbally how you can make her feel or what you can do, express yourself through your actions. You have to detach from her, stop contacting her now, distance yourself, love yourself. I'm not saying to be a jerk but talk to her maybe only if she contacts you first, but don't get trigger happy and jumping at the first invitation to hang out. If she calls call her two hours later and say "what sup" if she texts you don't text back for a couple hours or a day. Be hard to reach, act like your busy even if your not and her mind will wonder what has suddenly got you occupied. She doesn't deserve to know what your up to or who your seeing, let her mind wonder. Couple of other things, you are not her friend because obviously you wan't more a true friend wouldn't profess their feelings under the pressure. And right now you might as well be neutered, where are your balls? your asking for her approval all the damn time, saying "what can i do?" "is that all were ever gonna be?" That is not attractive man. You made it worse by saying "i really will do anything hun" she is basically controlling you and the reason why is because you gave her permission too. Stop waiting for her and move on with your life without her if she wants to come back romantically later on then you have the choice to take her back or not by that time you might not even want her. Trust me man when i lost my female friend recently, i tried for a month to get her back. i said i changed and i realized so many things about myself and that she was important to me and all that jazz. She didn't even respond to me then she threatened to call the police on me because i texted her every couple of days to see how she was. I feel alittle more better now that i haven't talked to her and im feeling like i wouldnt take her back as my friend, not because i dont care about her but because i still like her and i'd be doing the both of us an injustice. I would still help her if she needed me but i can't go back to the way things were before. One more thing, let her make her mistakes, right now she is with this guy, and if he turns out to be a jerk off later on let her find that out on her own. If you talk to her do not talk down to him she will only build resentment towards you. leave her be, do not be her puppy dog. oh and you say you care about her and will do anything for her, how about this. do you care about yourself? look what your putting yourself through, wise up bro. good luck
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