Beeotch Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 I don't accept that our next is bound to be greatest, if my other exes don't match up to him why would any future partners. That has been the point people are trying to make, your future is usually better than your past. So of course your past exes are usually not as great as your current. Now...sometimes people get into rebound scenarios etc and that is when they find that they keep comparing their current to their past. But if you learn your lessons and try to heal yourself and so on you find that when you do move on for real, that you move on to someone better. Your past exes are your exes for a reason and your recent ex was better...that is how it is supposed to be. You learned and stepped up. So it is the same thing, if you learn what you need to, bring your standards with you etc....the man after this ex is supposed to be better too.
XKatieX Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 (edited) That has been the point people are trying to make, your future is usually better than your past. So of course your past exes are usually not as great as your current. Now...sometimes people get into rebound scenarios etc and that is when they find that they keep comparing their current to their past. But if you learn your lessons and try to heal yourself and so on you find that when you do move on for real, that you move on to someone better. Your past exes are your exes for a reason and your recent ex was better...that is how it is supposed to be. You learned and stepped up. So it is the same thing, if you learn what you need to, bring your standards with you etc....the man after this ex is supposed to be better too. What if your ex wasn't the one that caused the break up though? You were the one that screwed up the relationship. I think thats what I'm getting from her situation. I think when your ex was everything you wanted, but you were the one that messed up its even harder to move on, and even harder to feel like anyone else can compare. Edited November 29, 2009 by XKatieX
Beeotch Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 What if your ex didn't really do anything wrong though? You were the one that screwed up the relationship. I think thats what I'm getting from her situation. I think when your ex was everything you wanted, but you were the one that messed up its even harder to move on, and even harder to feel like anyone else can compare. Yea I got that too from her post...my very first response was telling her to try for a second chance since she was in the wrong and if she believes he is worth it, put in that work to get him back. But also the reality is, sometimes we are allowed only one mistake. This person might have been everything to us but we messed up and they don't want to look back. What I say to that is, it wasn't meant to be then. That is also a strong belief of mine, things turn out as they should. And if after trying to mend the relationship the other person wants to move on....then we have to be hopeful that it was not meant to be, LEARN from our mistakes, not beat ourselves up and realize that someone greater who is meant for us will come along. The reality is, someone IS NOT your soulmate or perfect companion if you are the only one who feels that way and they don't think that. This person is not perfect for you if they don't want you back and want to move on. A big thing is learning to forgive yourself. You can carry around that guilt from your past mistakes with you and make your own life horrible, constantly wishing you did this or that differently or understand u messed up, learn and then decide that you are better now and maybe it wasnt meant to be so you will be looking towards the next better, more suitable relationship and bring the lessons with u.
billy356 Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 That's amazing! Let us know how you get on Have you missed her in that 5 years? Have you seen other people? I was in a relationship that was bad for the 5 years we were apart but yes I did think about her often. I will keep ya updated....
Author HeavenOrHell Posted November 29, 2009 Author Posted November 29, 2009 Hmm a tad bitter maybe Whadya know, another girl that remained confused, unhappy and overly wishful for 20 years. This is a prime example why guys shouldn't take most girls seriously. She wasn't content with anything until her 40's. "OMG I met my soul mate! But he won't marry me, so I'll just marry someone else even though I don't want to." "Hmm, well that didn't work... divorce. Add me to the nation's statistics." "OMG I met my soul mate, again! And now I'm finally happy (I think?), it only took me 30 years!" This sounds like a horrible romance book. Hysterical. But uh... yeah, there's still hope for all you lost ladies out there! Obviously! I love my cynical moods. They cut the naivety out of my life.
Author HeavenOrHell Posted November 29, 2009 Author Posted November 29, 2009 Yes you're right, the mistakes were down to me, he doesn't blame me, but he told me the reasons and I do blame myself. My problem is I don't feel I can say how I feel as it puts pressure on him, you can't make someone fall back in love. All I can do is build on the friendship we have and see if trust on both sides could be rebuilt. I have made it clear how I feel, without actually saying I want you back. I have learnt from my mistakes, but it may be too late and I won't get a 2nd chance, in that case yes you are right he is not my soul mate or perfect companion if he does not want to try. Yea I got that too from her post...my very first response was telling her to try for a second chance since she was in the wrong and if she believes he is worth it, put in that work to get him back. But also the reality is, sometimes we are allowed only one mistake. This person might have been everything to us but we messed up and they don't want to look back. What I say to that is, it wasn't meant to be then. That is also a strong belief of mine, things turn out as they should. And if after trying to mend the relationship the other person wants to move on....then we have to be hopeful that it was not meant to be, LEARN from our mistakes, not beat ourselves up and realize that someone greater who is meant for us will come along. The reality is, someone IS NOT your soulmate or perfect companion if you are the only one who feels that way and they don't think that. This person is not perfect for you if they don't want you back and want to move on. A big thing is learning to forgive yourself. You can carry around that guilt from your past mistakes with you and make your own life horrible, constantly wishing you did this or that differently or understand u messed up, learn and then decide that you are better now and maybe it wasnt meant to be so you will be looking towards the next better, more suitable relationship and bring the lessons with u.
Devil Dog Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 It took me 6.5 months to get over my ex, I only dated her for a month, but we were best friends for like, 6 months before that. Anyway, it took me that long to find someone else who could take her place, and even if things don't work out with her, I realized that I will eventually find someone, even if it is a pain in the ass.
KSSDallas Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 Ohhhh I HATE it when people say that crap. Its so dismissive and condescending. I'm sure statistically we will meet someone new, but that's not the point when you are greiving a lost love. You've LOST something precious and important. The pain is shocking. Words like 'You'll find someone new' and 'There are other fish in the sea' just invalidate the experience that you HAVE to go through to find the other fish...if you want another fish. Anyway...i get worked up about this one too. Oh, and I once had a lady tell me when I was 24 'Don't worry honey...you're time will come.'. Really? Wow. Like at 24 I was a pathetic lost cause and she was trying to give me a morsel of hope. Wow I sound really cynical now. I should stop. Haha. I feel ya though.
madrugada Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 I'm right there with all of you. Right now I don't even want to think about finding someone new. What's even worse is when your boss tries to hook you up on a blind date. With his sister. Hey man, thanks. But no. When I saw my family for Thanksgiving, I can't tell you how many people said to me, "Well, better now than later." I swear I wanted to stand up, slowly sweep the table settings onto the floor and walk out.
TheLoneSock Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 Hmm a tad bitter maybe Bitter about what?
KSSDallas Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 Oh yes...the better now than later one. That one gets me too. I forgot about that one. As though that lessens the real pain you are feeling now...at this point. Ick.
soheartbroken Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 Right with most of you. I recently and briefly hung out with a "friend" of mine, whom I had poured my heart out to following the breakup 4 months ago. She had the nerve to ask if there were any developments in my love life, as if I would be even interested in dating at this point. I wanted to f*cking rip her head off. I wanted to say "I'm ****ing heartbroken and depressed you idiot!". As if mindlessly finding someone new is the answer to my despair... No, the worse part was just that she thought I would be "over" someone as special as my ex in 4 months.
dazzle22 Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 Whadya know, another girl that remained confused, unhappy and overly wishful for 20 years. This is a prime example why guys shouldn't take most girls seriously. She wasn't content with anything until her 40's. "OMG I met my soul mate! But he won't marry me, so I'll just marry someone else even though I don't want to." "Hmm, well that didn't work... divorce. Add me to the nation's statistics." "OMG I met my soul mate, again! And now I'm finally happy (I think?), it only took me 30 years!" This sounds like a horrible romance book. Hysterical. But uh... yeah, there's still hope for all you lost ladies out there! Obviously! I love my cynical moods. They cut the naivety out of my life. You are a total t...rd for saying this about my post. I was trying to give others on this thread some encouragement, and you say such c..p. What are you doing on this thread anyway? I think your moniker says it all...LONE SOCK...hmmm...my guess is you have never been loved by anyone and your only love affair has been with a computer loaded with porn....yea, I thought so...
callingyouuu Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 I used to think this was good advice until I first heard it said to me after my first heartbreak. It's just so...hollow.
ann09 Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 this is such a tough one. i have met the person i was meant to spend forever with. but i am doubtful it will work...too much to explain here. but i know this was the man for me. no doubt. no hesitation. i love him more than i have ever loved anyone. i have been loved by him more than anyone has ever loved me. it's a connection i can't explain. so if one day i meet someone new - all i would do is compare him to this man. because to me, he is perfection. i can't imagine letting anyone else into my heart.
ann09 Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 When I found him, it was like I'd come home, there was no need to look any further, Oh boy do I hear ya with that one.
ann09 Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 they said in sex and the city that we have 2 great loves in our lives. i know quite a few people that this is true for. heres to hoping. does anybody else think there is truth in this? i am so cool for taking relationship wisdom from tv programmes lol you're funny. I believe this. I think your first love - that crushy love you have when you're a teenager - you never forget that one. And then of course the love of your life you grow old with. Some people miss meeting this person....or screw it up.
Author HeavenOrHell Posted December 2, 2009 Author Posted December 2, 2009 Thanks for sharing I met the first great love of my life at age 15. We had an amazing connection. In fact, I KNEW WE were born on the same day of the same year BEFORE he told me...it just came to me. One of the spookiest things that ever happened to me... Anyway, fast forward to age 22..he was not ready to be married, I got impatient and upset, and I married someone else. And I thought of him every day of my marriage, and even had haunting dreams like going somewhere and finding out he had just left and had been asking for me...TORTURE...for 25 years!! I finally got divorced, my heart was never into that marriage, and I was absolutely convinced that was it for me. Done. Finito! Then something amazing happened, and I NEVER believed it would. I mean, it had never happened before to me. I've always worked and tried and tried at things and always got back about 70 % of what I put into things....I met someone. We knew each other awhile, and suddenly, I got another one of those weird moments where I just KNEW something...and the words that came into my head were.."you are going to have a relationship with him. It is going to be very important." An epiphany, is all I can say. Anyway, I looked at him strangely because this was only the second time in my life this kind of thing ever happened...and fast forward 3 1/2 years.. we are MARRIED AND I LOVE HIM MORE THAN I LOVED MY FIRST LOVE THAT I HAD LOVED FOR OVER 30 YEARS!!! So to all you other posters, I know exactly what you mean. The feeling is torture, but another love CAN happen to you. It really CAN. I would NEVER have believed anyone who tried to tell me this. It was 25 years (which is a bit depressing, but hey, better than NEVER). Keep your eyes open, you never know where you will find the OTHER 'ONE' !!
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